


Soldier On | Part II |

by Matsukisama



Series: Soldier On [KakaYama love series - Post 4th Shinobi War] [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Awkward Boners, Bottom Hatake Kakashi, Canon Compliant, Dubiously Consensual Blow Jobs, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Frotting, Hatake Kakashi Being an Asshole, Introspection, KakaFeels, KakaYama - Freeform, Love Bites, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Passive-aggression, Romance, Sexual Tension, Shower Sex, Slow Burn, Sometimes..., Switch Hatake Kakashi, YamaKaka - Freeform, You might need tissues, bitey!Tenzo, when i say canon i mean up to nauto's wedding in the anime
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:46:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 57,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26541625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Matsukisama/pseuds/Matsukisama
Summary: NOTE: This is Part II in the series, I recommend reading Part I before going further.After their kiss, so much was left unsaid, neither of them could bring themselves to change their situation. They ended up spending months apart without proper communication. But now that Naruto's wedding approached and the village began to prepare for the celebrations, Yamato is forced to return to keep an eye on Orochimaru, and inevitably had to face his senpai.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Yamato | Tenzou
Series: Soldier On [KakaYama love series - Post 4th Shinobi War] [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1928056
Comments: 140
Kudos: 131





	1. 3 Days to the Wedding: Reunion

The stomping echoed loudly through the corridors, followed by angry yelling and children’s laughter. They seemed to be coming from a couple of floors above. Yamato continued down the hall and when he took the stairs a group of young Genin rushed past him, bouncing from the walls, jumping over the handrail. He looked back as they disappeared from view. So those were the culprits.

“Stop running, you damn brats!!” said the female voice who stormed right into Yamato. “Excuse me!”

“Anko-san…” Yamato managed to stop her by the shoulder so her chest wouldn’t collide against him.

“Oh! Long time no see.”

Before Yamato could say anything in response, the woman regained her footing, patted him on the back and offered a smile, then set off after the children.

It seemed that even the Administrative floors didn’t escape the uproar he had encountered all over Konoha. Everywhere he went since he arrived seemed unusually loud and lively. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but after almost 2 years alone in the forest, the only buzz he was used to were cicadas and other night creatures.

When Yamato made his way to the Academy building, he found that the streets were busy, packed with tourists, ninjas everywhere, children running around, it was like they were preparing for summer festival, although the season hadn’t even arrived yet. The real reason for such atmosphere was Naruto and Hinata’s upcoming wedding. Not only it was a quite uncommon ninja wedding, the world was still at peace and there was no other person who had brought everyone together like Naruto. It was only natural that Konoha, as well as other villages, wished to celebrate that moment with him.

The wedding was also the reason why Yamato was there, not because he had been invited, not yet anyway, but because Orochimaru decided to invite himself. As the man’s official stalker, he had to follow him and make sure he didn’t do anything that would put the village in danger, especially during this time. 

The situation called for Yamato to report the Sannin’s presence to the Hokage, whether he liked the idea or not. Although the visit was a formal one, he couldn’t stop thinking back on that night. They had kissed each other, they held each other until dawn and then parted ways. It seemed like a lifetime away, but when he stepped into the round corridor, his heart began to pound and his guts knotted.

As he approached the Hokage’s office, his pace dropped, so much so that once he got to the door, he was dragging his feet. For so long he wanted to see his senpai and pictured that moment in his head, going through different scenarios, over and over. Them days became weeks, weeks became months and loneliness sat in. Thinking about Kakashi became more painful than trying to forget him, and he tried, he really did. But in the end, as agonising as it was, Yamato couldn’t bring himself to erase the kiss they shared from his memory.

The door to the room was left ajar, likely by Anko who dashed after the kids, he assumed, so as soon as he stepped in front of it, Kakashi-senpai would be able to see him. It didn’t matter that he had months to plan for this moment, he was still a mess and ever inch of his body was aching to stop him..

He swallowed dry, took a deep breath, then knocked a couple of times as he walked in.

Kakashi raised his head from the file he had on his desk and stared right at him. Their eyes met and all the restlessness Yamato had been feeling seconds ago faded. It was just his senpai, the same man he left on that tree house. Now that he knew a different side of him, he could easily see that Kakashi had to wear more than one mask to sit there and be the leader of the village.

“Ten–“ Kakashi said and soon trampled over his words, “Yamato.”

Yamato stared back with a less than happy look on his face. What was that all about? He spent years trying to have the other to call him by that name, then they had that thing together, and now he decided to be all formal and proper. He opened his mouth to speak when Kakashi stood from his chair, walked around the desk and grabbed someone by the shoulders.

“I have important things to discuss, we can talk later.” He said, pushing a young figure out of the room and shutting the door.

Yamato followed the scene from the corner of his eyes. He had been so focused on his senpai, on himself, that the he hadn’t noticed. It was embarrassing, he was a ninja after all, a good one at that and still he missed the presence of another human being in the room.

“I’m sorry, did I interrupt something?” He said, watching as Kakashi shook his head and returned, pushing some papers to the side so he could sit on the desk.

“I wasn’t expecting you so soon,” the Hokage said, crossing his arms over his chest, “the wedding is in 3 days.”

“Yeah, well…” Yamato said shortly and took a few steps forward, bridging the distance between them. Months had passed, and the first thing the other pointed out to him was is that he was too _soon_? “Orochimaru is in Konoha, so…”

“I’ve heard.”

“So you know he is here for the wedding.”

“I don’t believe he was invited.’

 _Neither was I,_ Yamato thought, clenching his teeth. They were talking about work, that was the reason why he was there, and yet, it annoyed him that his senpai was so unfazed by the sight of him after all this time.

“Are you tracking him? Where is he now?”

“Hm…” Yamato paused for a couple of seconds then shook his head, “He rented a boat… and is going down the river, making my clone run along the shore. This guy…,“ he sighed loudly. “I know he keeps doing stupid things just to irritate me, and probably to see how long my wood clone lasts. Everything is an experiment with him. He never leaves that lab of his, but when he does it’s always to get on my nerves.”

Kakashi’s lips curved under the mask. It was subtle, but Yamato got used to seeing it.

“It’s not funny, senpai,” he said, but then Kakashi smiled widened, that was enough to disarm him, and he returned one of his own. “Wood clones of this level are difficult, did you know?”

Kakashi simply nodded.

“I need to keep constant focus or it will also get distracted. So refrain from bullying me, if you are even capable of such a thing.”

He nodded once again, failing to keep a straight face.

“If it’s that complicated,” Kakashi said and scooted, leaving room on the desk for the other to sit, “you could have sent a clone here instead and followed Orochimaru yourself.”

“Yes, but…”

 _I wanted to see you with my own eyes._ Yamato’s heart was still beating fast, though, he couldn’t bring himself to speak his mind, as Kakashi made no attempt to see him, no excuses however minimal to call him back to the village. He didn’t even expect Yamato to be there before the wedding.

“Anyway…,” he said instead as he took the spot next to the his senpai, that was not the place nor the time to get into that. In all the scenarios he thought up, he always said something, sometimes hurtful words, others he just kissed him. Yet, now that they were less than an arm stretch from one another, he couldn’t do a thing. “I can’t linger, I want to have a proper shower and rest a little before the clone gets dispelled.”

“And then?”

“Then I’ll likely watch him from a distant as he sleeps and I don’t,’ sometimes he really hated this mission.

“That is all well, but regardless, I do expect you to be at the wedding.” Kakashi briefly gazed at him. “You were Naruto’s captain, he will miss you if you’re not there. You know how he is.”

“What about the mission?”

“I’m relieving all his friends from missions that day. You included.”

“I can always keep a clone on him.”

“No. That means you’ll be working and won’t be able to enjoy yourself.”

Yamato smiled.

“What?”

“Always telling me not to do my job.”

“Not always, only when it’s good for you.” Kakashi said and leaned onto the other shoulder, like a light nudge. “Or when you are trying to steal from me.”

“Steal?” Yamato searched in his mind. When did he ever tried to steal something from his senpai?… Oh yeah, when he was told to kill him and take his eye. “That time…,” he chuckled. “Senpai, when you get all nostalgic like that it makes you sound like an old man.”

Kakashi shrugged lightly. “I’ve been told I was born an old man.”

“I can see why,” Yamato said lightheartedly, “but even if there is some true to that, you have changed… old people don’t usually change.”

“Have I?”

“Since we first met? Definitely… and also since I last saw you.”

Yamato didn’t mean to bring up their last encounter. It scared him. After being apart for so long, Kakashi probably didn’t even remember, and if he did, mostly likely he didn’t care.

“I hate to admit, but you are probably right?”

“I am…?” Yamato pulled back slightly.

“You shouldn’t be so surprised to be right.”

“I’m not, I’m surprised that you think I am.”

“Everything you said about me when we were drinking…”

Yamato’s face warmed up and he looked down at their feet. He did have a lot to drink that time, so he probably said one too many things about his senpai he wouldn’t have had otherwise.

“I don’t really remember what I said exactly, so to be safe, you should ignore them.”

“Too late for that, I had all these months to mull over them. You can’t take any of it back now.”

Yamato laughed and stood up. “Well, I’m not talking all of it, just the bad things I said about you as a person. Everything else, you know….” how could he forget them, “well… I should go home.”

Kakashi raised a hand and grabbed Yamato by the vest.

“Remind me…” Kakashi said, his eyes softened, “… of the everything else.”

The request hit so hard he stared at his senpai and, for an instant, his mind was completely blank. They were in the Hokage’s office, in broad daylight, no alcohol involved, the other had his mask on, Yamato was standing, Kakashi-senpai was more or less sitting. It all looked so… disjointed. What was he asking anyway? Was he supposed to be kissing him right now?

“Senpai…”

“You told me not to surprise you once, so I’m asking you.”

Kakashi’s voice was so quiet, as if it wasn’t easy for him to be saying those words either. So he did think about that night after all. This realisation made it really difficult for Yamato to respond straight away. His heart was drumming loudly against his ribs, it seemed to be only noise in the room. Kakashi was looking at him, waiting. He had to do something other than stand there like a fool. His hand hesitated to move, it was almost numb as he brought up to slide a finger under his senpai’s mask to pull it down.

“Someone might come in…” Yamato said, drawing reason from somewhere, as he uncovered Kakashi’s face.

“Then don’t wait too long,” He tugged on the vest and tipped his head back.

It was only their third kiss, it had been forever ago since the last one. All this time apart, Yamato shamelessly dreamt about this moment, rehearsed it in so many embarrassing ways he would die before disclosing any of it, but no amount of practice prepared him for the real thing. As their lips touched, Yamato couldn’t remember his training at all and he was even more nervous than before. Then again, they were sober now, they had nothing to blame this on. Kakashi seemed so unaffected by the whole situation though, how could he be so calm? Yamato thought as Kakashi’s tongue grazed his.

  
…  
  


He wasn’t. Kakashi’s heart was bustling in his chest. It had been since Tenzō set foot in his office. When he heard from the ANBU that Orochimaru was in Konoha, he knew that sooner or later, Tenzō would show up. He prepared himself. Said repeatedly that the other probably felt there was no need to continue what Kakashi started months ago. Why would he? After everything that Tenzō said in his drunkenness, which were mostly true, why would he even consider this as anything other then a crutch to keep them standing?

For a long time after that night, Kakashi believed that it was all due to alcohol. If they had been sober then nothing would have happened and they would continue to be who they had always been, two broken men from a generation torn by war and greed. But as the months passed, no matter how much he denied it, he longed for this.

Tenzō must have practiced, Kakashi thought, as his mind desperately tried to emotionally detach him. But the other’s hand slipped under his collar, pushing his mask further down and exposing his neck, a finger ghosted behind his ear forcing him to straighten his back as a chill raced down his spine. His breathing quivered and his lips parted further, letting Tenzō deepen the kiss.

Kakashi’s hand let go of the vest and touched the other’s stomach. There was still the blue fabric of the top between his palm and Tenzō’s skin, but he could feel the heat arising from the other’s body. It was just like his, he was feverish too. The hand was pushed back as Tenzō inched closer and he let it glide around his waist. That was it, just where they left off.From that moment on, everything would be new, and although Kakashi had repeatedly told himself it was only a kiss, he neither believed it nor he wanted it to be anymore.

As the other broke their kiss and pulled back, just enough to be able to nip on Kakashi’s bottom lip, he lifted the hem of Tenzō’s shirt and rolled his finger onto the small of his back, teasing along the waistband of his trousers, allowing a couple of digits to slip under it.

A hoarse sound escaped the younger man as he grasped the hair on the back of Kakashi’s head, and instead of pulling back, he pressed against his body, his mouth drifting from the kiss to bite gently at Kakashi’s jaw.

He was panting so heavily, fighting to keep some form of awareness of where they were and what they were doing, but the beating in his chest and the heat of Tenzō’s body on his, made him want to surrender. How unusual it was for Kakashi, a man in control and with plans, to allow himself to be consumed by the moment like this, but there he was, entrusting his childhood friend with a side of him he kept hidden from the world.

That biting Tenzō showered him with, moving from his jawline to his neck, however gentle, had to stop. Kakashi could hardly control the parts of the body he actually had control of, so the parts that he didn’t were getting ideas they just couldn’t fulfil even if they did want to. There was a pile of paper Kakashi had pushed aside and a bunch of people he still had to see that day. Even if he could hide behind his desk, put his Hokage cloak on, how would he be able to focus when all he could think of was an arousal between his legs?

“Tenzō…,” but the other didn’t stop, and Kakashi didn’t want him to either, but they had to. “Tenzō… stop.”

…

What a haze his mind was in. Yamato knew perfectly well what he was doing, but all parts of him were shifting on their own, giving his senses the chance to wander. The heated skin of Kakashi’s neck pressed under his lips, his taste, his scent. The short strands of his hair sliding between his fingers, the little touches of his senpai’s hand on his back, the warmth of their bodies, the sound of his shallow breathing in his ear.

Yamato heard his senpai calling his name, but he didn’t want to stop. Knowing himself and the other man under him, it was so unlikely they would have another chance. In 4 days he would be gone again for who knows how long, and he wanted to remain like this, he needed to indulge in all the things he had been denied his hole life.

As the second call came, Kakashi withdrew the hand from Yamato’s back and held it against his chest, pushing him back slightly.

“You have to go…” Kakashi said weakly, leaning forward to rest his head against the other’s shoulder.

Yamato heart sank into his stomach. This wasn’t enough, but he knew Kakashi was right. What the hell were they thinking? If someone came in, if someone found out. The younger man shook his head. That didn’t matter anymore, Kakashi was the Hokage now, and for lack of better term, his boss, and he would never asked Yamato to curb his emotions, not now.

“I know…” Yamato finally said and stepped back, rubbing his face with his palms as if trying to wake up.

“I’m sorry,” Kakashi said softly, the corner of his eyes wrinkled as he smiled at him.

“Don’t give me that face, senpai.”

The other man’s cheeks were flushed and he was still panting lightly. Yamato gazed at him as he reached out his hands and slid Kakashi’s mask back up. Kakashi was too tempting and if he continued to look at him like that…

“I’ll be heading off then,” Yamato added. Mask or no mask, he had to get out at that very second, but as he tried to turn around, Kakashi grabbed him by the arm.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Home.” Yamato pointed at the door.

“You can’t go that way.”

Yamato stared puzzled at his senpai.

“Not with that,” he pointed at Yamato’s crotch.

All the remaining blood in the younger man’s body rushed right to his face as he looked down at the tent that had raised in his pants. His eye widened, his hands didn’t know whether to cover the face or the hardon so he turned his back to his senpai instead, and chuckled.

“Shit…,” Yamato wasn’t the cursing type, so it was comically unusual even for him to hear that word out of his mouth, but he had nothing else in his vernacular for that situation. “Why is this happening to me right now…,” his last word dragged out of him like a painful groan.

Kakashi fixed his mask on his face and couldn’t help back his laughter.

“Don’t, senpai… you’re killing the moment here.”

“I’m afraid your moment needs to be killed, Tenzō,” Kakashi said, pretending he didn’t have that problem right then as well. “I’m not prepared to explain to...,” he reached for his schedule to see his next meeting, ”Iruka-sensei, why you have a boner,” he added, doing a poor job in hiding his amusement.

“I know I know… Give me a second. I’m trying to make it go away,” but how exactly was he meant to do that? That wasn’t a little arousal he could just get rid off on request. “It’s not like I could just wish it gone.”

“Just think of something that turns you off, like…” Kakashi thought for a moment, “… check with your clone what Orochimaru is doing.”

“My clone is probably having the same issue, you realise that, right? I can’t deal with one of these, let alone two.”

Kakashi laughed, and Yamato couldn’t help but do the same.

“You’ll just have to go out the window.”

“You can’t be serious?” Yamato looked over his shoulder.

Kakashi shrugged.

There was a sudden knock on the door. They had run out of time. The window was then his only option.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I would start with a spicy moment, no point to drag this out! So it's settled that they want each other, but they are are kinda dumb so you never know how they will deal with this. Gotta love them awkward phalluses XD
> 
> I'm still considering who to bring in as a active character.


	2. 3 Days to the Wedding: Evening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamato leaves the Hokage's office and ponders about what just happened while waiting for his body to cool down. Meanwhile, Kakashi gets on with his day, but no matter what he does, his mind is stuck on that moment. He finds himself an excuse to chase after Yamato that evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some story, thoughts and feels in this, so a bit of a slow chapter, but Kakashi gets to open up a bit and we get to know them a little better.

The little hairs on his arms were still standing on end as Yamato sat on the roof of the academy building, looking at the Hokage Rock, mostly at the Rokudaime, which didn’t help.It was the first time he had to deal with being aroused by just waiting and it was a really counterintuitive thing to do, especially when it was taking its sweet time. It was his fault for being unable to stop thinking of what just happened. If only he was home, he could have taken the adult approach to this, rather than having to hide it like a teenager.

Crossing his legs, Yamato leaned back against the parapet and closed his eyes. _I’m so screwed._ Recognising that he didn’t only admire his senpai was actually unsurprising. If he had to be honest with himself, Yamato knew he had harboured adoration for the man since they were young, but that level physical reaction, now that was unexpected.

All they did was kiss, yet everything about Kakashi had become incredibly enticing since they began to spend so much time apart. Even then, if his senpai hadn’t started this, Yamato would have buried this desire with all the rest of his emotions. But Kakashi firstly toyed with his feelings, and now with his urges.

Yamato couldn’t positively say he was attracted to men, and since he lacked experience, he’d never been able to deny or confirm that either. It was noticeably more common for men to be drawn to women, for whatever reason, so that was what he expected of himself and those around him. The only people in his life who didn’t fall into that mould were Izumo and Kotetsu, he assumed those two had to be a couple. But, although, Yamato knew them, he wasn’t close enough to go asking questions on that topic, especially not when the person he had in mind was the Hokage.Or could he?

 _No._ He shook his head. He would try figuring things out on his own first since the only person he truly trusted was Kakashi himself. Come to think of it, his senpai had very few friends of his own as well, and Yamato was sure they were kept at an arms length. Did the other have questions about this too? Or maybe he already knew… _What if he knows?_

The idea that Kakashi-senpai knowingly lusted after him made his face warm up, even if that was hard to believe. Yamato was pretty average looking on his best days, maybe a little too skinny for his height, and his big deadpan eyes were more suited to scaring the kids than seducing another human being. So if his senpai was attracted to men then he wouldn’t be his number one option.

Yamato’s brows squished together. If that was the case, then it was best that Kakashi wasn’t attracted men at all. It was selfish and childish, but the younger man wanted to be number one in all his senpai’s lists, not just the favourite kouhai one. He worked hard for years to impress him, so it was only fair.

Opening his eyes to the cloudless blue sky, Yamato sighed loudly in disappointment. Not only he was having to deal with his hardon like a teenager, he was starting to think like one.

After a few minutes sitting there, getting blinded by the sun, his excitement finally subsided and Yamato was able to make it to his mucky apartment. It had been over 6 months since he last set foot in it, and maybe a year before that. It looked just as bad as before, if not worse. This time around, however, he had to stay in the village for a few days and making that place habitable was a more pressing task than the shower he had been looking forward to.

  
…

  
The heavy book made a loud noise as it was dropped on his desk. Kakashi dragged it closer to have a look. The day was almost ending and he hated being handed work this late, if anything, this was the time he handed Shikamaru work and not the other way around.

“Didn’t I give you this in the morning?” Kakashi said as he opened the book to find the work undone.

“I had to schedule a reunion with the Alliance for next week, and reassign the Jōnin for the wedding. I also had a meeting with the Sand Village representative and… reschedule your time for this year’s Chūnin exams,” Shikamaru said curtly. “I believe you are equipped to go over the ANBU business without my help. I gathered all the intel I could possibly find, but as you can imagine, there isn’t a lot of it when it comes to Root members.”

Kakashi looked down at the many pictures and statistics in the book. There were so many ANBU now that the Root was disbanded, he didn’t know all of them that well, if at all. Some where now missing and had to be found, others were slowly coming forward, wishing to work under him. He didn’t need that many new recruits in the assassination squad since those were hardly carried out anymore, and if they were necessary, then Kakashi would entrust those missions to the ones he knew best.

“Well…” the Hokage signed, “it can’t be helped,” however, he really didn’t want to do it.

“Then,” Shikamaru said, walking to the door, “I highly recommend doing this tonight. Tomorrow morning we have D-rank mission to pass on to the new Genin. Although I did assign them myself, it’s the Hokage’s job to pass them on to the teams.”

“You don’t need to remind me every time,” Kakashi said, knowing that Shikamaru would disregard it anyway.

As his assistant left, Kakashi took the book, spun his chair around and stared out the curved windows. The village was flooded with warm colours as the sun set and evening began to take over, it was quite the sight.

 _Maybe…_ he thought before looking down at the book again. Maybe Tenzō knew some of these people better than he did. It had been a long time, but most Root spent their life serving Danzō, it was possible that the other came across some of them during his time there.

After the events of that afternoon, he failed to pay much attention to work. Iruka was there, but Kakashi’s mind was pretty much still fixated on what Tenzō did to him to make sense of whatever the other was asking. In the end, he must have agreed to it, because the teacher left the room quite thankful. The rest of the day was monotonous. People came and went, he made some minor decisions here and there, delegated the big ones to his chief. He couldn’t act all responsible when all he could think of was how much damage he would end up causing if he allowed himself to pursue his juvenile desires.

The Hokage sat there a little longer, watching the light of day to finally fade. He still done nothing about the ANBU book, apart from turning pages, glancing briefly at the faces. With the book in his hands, Kakashi stood up and skilfully avoided being seen. It was quite ridiculous, he was the boss of pretty much everyone in that building, but he still saw the judgmental eyes of some of the staff whenever he did anything un-Hokage like, which he did a lot. Besides, he was taking a very confidential book from the office, there was probably some sort of rule about that he didn’t know, but Shikamaru definitely did.

  
…  
  


The last spider was now safe and sound outside the apartment, and the only thing left to do was to removed the webs from that one corner where it had been living for, likely, years. Yamato felt a bit sorry about having to evict all those things that took residence in his home, but it had to be made to human standards, at leats for the next 3 nights, then, he hoped for the sake of the village, Orochimaru would have left and so would he. 

Using the Mokuton, Yamato reached all the way to the ceiling with minimal effort to clear the dusty and overgrown web.

“All you need is the apron. That position I offered you last year is still open.”

Yamato jolted slightly and turned at the sound of that familiar voice. Kakashi-senpai was coming in through the window he left open. His lips curved gently. Although he did his best not to think too much about the other during the day, every single time his thoughts drifted towards him, his heart would beat a different pace.

“I’ll pass.” The younger man withdrew his jutsu and wiped the web off himself with a tissue, tossing it into a large bin bag, not looking directly at his senpai. “I’m starting to think you have something against doors.”

“I’m all about convenience,” Kakashi said, taking off his shoes as he jumped into the apartment. “I haven’t been in here in a while,” he placed the book on the arm of the sofa and began to make his way to the door to leave his shoes.

“A while is an understatement,” Yamato said and held out the bag. “Can you take this out, senpai?”

Kakashi took the bag off his’s hand, their fingers brushed faintly over one another. It was so brief, but his body was now so perceptive to the other’s touch, however minimal.

“For someone who can make things out of wood in seconds, your place is pretty barren,” Kakashi pointed out as he made it to the entrance, dropping his shoes down and leaving the bag out the door.

“What can I say, I’m a minimalist,” at least when it came to decor. “This apartment is small as it is” Yamato dropped tiredly on the sofa and followed Kakashi with his eyes as he sat beside him. “If I’m honest though, I’d rather be outside than in here. I can’t help but feeling a little–“

“Claustrophobic.” Kakashi said. “Must have gotten worse since you are practically a woodland creature now.”

Yamato chuckled. “Master rather than a creature.”

“Well, if the _Master_ wants to enjoy the outdoors he can always stay in the tree house.”

“It’s still there?” Yamato sat up, his smile widened. “I thought you would’ve had it cut down by now.” Though, knowing it was still there somehow made him warmer inside.

“It’s my birthday present.” Kakashi said, placing an elbow on the backrest of the sofa and leaning his head onto his palm, “I did have to build a fence around it and put a _do not trespass_ sign though.”

Yamato laughed, “Don’t be so possessive, senpai. You can share my work with other people.”

“And I would have, but if you remember, you left me a message. Kids found it and started asking questions about this Tenzō guy.”

Yamato grinned regretfully and shook his head. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have used that name.”

“I liked that you did.”

That name meant something to his senpai, but Yamato wasn’t very sure what or why. He was a child when he began to use it, he remembered yelling it in Danzō’s face right before he was removed from the Root. He never told Kakashi about that, probably never would either. The other was staring at him, but his expression had softened. Leaning back on the sofa, Yamato stared at the ceiling for a brief moment. He was so tempted to touch his senpai’s face, to lean in and kiss ever inch of it.

“Why are you so attached to that name, senpai?” He said then rolling his head to the side.

“Reminds me when half your face was just eyes,” Kakashi lips arched up under the mask and his eyes wrinkled, drawing a laugh out of Yamato. “It’s probably because that name made you smile.”

Yamato’s cheeks warmed up. To think his senpai cared about things like that. He remembered it too, it was the first time they worked together, however different their goals were. Even back then Kakashi had a hold on him. He disliked and idolised him at the same time.

“It’s unbefitting considering everything that I’ve done,” Yamato said.

“Are you still hung up on that?’

“Are you still worried you are not suited to be Hokage?”

If there was one thing the younger man didn’t want to discuss was the war, not again. Kakashi would tell him to move on, to stay in the village then realise he couldn’t just do that and send him off again. After last time, Yamato had made up his mind that returning to Konoha for good was not an option.

The two of them stared at each other, waiting to see which one would give in and answer the question.

…

“Well…” Kakashi said and inhaled deep, caving in. “I accepted it so I have to see that I do the work, but whether it suits me it’s a different story.”

The older man had a lot of reservations about it still. He didn’t like talking about them either, because the answer was always the same. How great he was and how he deserved it. But whenever he compared himself to any of the previous Hokages, Kakashi felt quite pathetic. The village talked as if he was a hero of war, but he wasn’t. If anything, he had been a spectator to Sasuke and Naruto’s battle, one he just couldn’t get involved for no other reason than being inadequate. He was ready to give his worthless life for his team, and that would have made him a hero, but in the end he was saved by Obito, again. On top of that, his reputation, now that he didn’t have the Sharingan, was just that, words spoken by people who didn’t know him. Rumours that kept spreading without facts to back them up.

Tenzō continued to stare at him, and Kakashi wanted the other to just read his mind. Thinking was hard enough, he didn’t want to tell him a thing. Tenzō admired him, he knew that much. He did a lot for him, a lot of people in his life did. But Kakashi was undeserving of all the flattery, if only someone would agree with him.

“I got used to sitting there and doing what is pushed at me,” he finally said, “but I’m still a fraud.” There was no better word to describe him. “I’m not the person people think I am. I wouldn’t be able to protect the village, maybe if I had the Sharingan but like this, I’m too weak, I’m not like the 4th or the 3rd, I wouldn’t last.” 

Yamato frowned at him and straightened himself on the sofa.

“Both the 4th and the 3rd died protecting the village, but the fight continued without them. That’s why you have soldiers.”

“But I–“

“Besides,” the other interrupted, brows still furrowed, “you are the one ensuring the world is kept at peace. A ninja who can punch themselves to victory is great, but it’s not what the village nor the world needs now. If that was the case we would just have kept Tsunade-sama or let Naruto take over. Konoha needs a Hokage with tactical and strategic thinking, someone who can make difficult and unethical decisions that might go against morals, principles and personal ideals. Having a Sharingan or brutal strength is important to keep yourself alive in missions, they have no value for a Hokage in times like this. You might not like it, senpai, but you are still the best person for the job.”

There was nothing left for the Hokage to say. Tenzō was probably right. Leading the village was his way of protecting what was important to him, the new generation, the peace. Kakashi couldn’t and didn’t want to see Naruto having to decide on the death of a person for the sake of peace, he wouldn’t understand or accept. He wasn’t ready, and by the time he was, this would weight heavy in his heart and possibly change him. Kakashi wasn’t ready to see that happen either.

The older man closed his eyes briefly and exhale lowly. Being such a private person meant not many people understood him, but the other did. Kakashi had the urge to lean over and rest against him, maybe Tenzō would comfort him. But he turned around and reached for the book.

“Since you’re a fan,” Kakashi said, choosing not to continue on that topic, then scooted close and held the ANBU book to Tenzō, “how about you help me out with some work.”

He glared at Kakashi unamused. “I changed my mind, you are a terrible Hokage.”

“You are the only person who can shine a light on this,” if there was something Kakashi was excellent at was sweet talking, and it was particularly effective with that one, talk about lack of ethics. “And the only one I trust, since I probably shouldn’t be showing this to anyone. But I get it, if you don’t want to…,” Kakashi withdrew the hand.

“It’s fine, let me see.” Tenzō reached over to take the book off him. “What’s this, an ANBU ledger?”

”At the end, it has Root members intel. I need to know if you remember any of them and who you believe would be an asset to the ANBU.”

Tenzō began to turn the pages silently. “I might not know anyone,” he said in a somber tone, “Danzō preferred members to join young. The majority wouldn’t make it.”

There was very little Kakashi knew about Tenzō’s past in the Root, but as an orphan himself, he understood the appeal of the foundation. At one point, Danzō had convinced him that it was the Sandaime’s lack of leadership that lead to the death of his friends and the 4th. Kakashi would be lying if at the time he wasn’t looking for someone to blame other than himself. But it was because of Tenzō’s existence that he managed to see through Danzō’s lies and scheme.

“As I thought, I can’t recognise most of them,” the younger man flicked through the book a few times, “Says some are missing?”

“Shikamaru believes they might be missing-nin who use the war to hide. Many missions they carried out are considered treason.”

“They were following orders they believed to be for the greater good.” He turned another page and finally stopped. “These two…” Tenzō pointed, “They were very loyal and very capable.”

“Loyalty to Danzō can be problematic.”

“I was loyal, and I’m sure an attempt on the Hokage’s life is treason, but here I am.” Tenzō put the book on Kakashi’s lap. “You asked for my opinion, so there it is. The ANBU was good for me, it will be good for them too. And you can be very persuasive when you want to.”

Kakashi looked at it and folded the corners of the pages Tenzō suggested. It wasn’t the first time he heard the other speak out in defence of the Root, but it still surprised him. Only now that he was Hokage that he was finding out how deep intertwined Orochimaru and Danzō were, and his grudge against him only sedimented further, in spite of the other being dead. So hearing the other say anything remotely positive about the Root upset him.

“Do you miss it?” Kakashi said and put the book away.

“The ANBU?”

 _The Root,_ Kakashi corrected him in his mind but for some reason, he didn’t voice it.

“It wasn’t the same after you left.” Tenzō crossed his legs on the sofa,. “So, not really. Why? Are you planning on bringing me back?”

“I might.”

“Please don’t, senpai” Tenzō said lightheartedly, “I’m a softy now, just like you” he smiled. “I know what you’re fighting for and I want to fight for it too. And also, I still feel guilty for the war, if you must know. Nevertheless…,” he pursed his lips slightly and gazed out the window, slightly defeated, “I would still come back if you asked me.”

That was his favourite thing, the way Tenzō sometimes was all sulky because he knew before hand he would do whatever Kakashi asked of him. It wasn’t anything new, but whereas it was funny before, now it gave him this weird stirring in his stomach.

“You shouldn’t do everything I ask, Tenzō.”

The younger man raised his shoulder and glanced at Kakashi.

“Apparently, I have this unfaltering need to please you. It’s a character flaw.”

Kakashi smiled and dropped his head, leaning forward to bump it against Tenzō’s shoulder. _Damn it…_ why was it so hard to control himself around him? His guts were churning, it almost hurt.

A hand came and planted itself on the back of his neck. He needed comfort and there it was.

“Tenzō…”

“Senpai?”

“I’m not perfect.”

“No one is.”

“I’ve tons of character flaws too, others tend to overlook them, don’t do the same.”

“Trust me, I don’t. I can even list them alphabetically, if you want.”

Kakashi chuckled.

“Arrogant, blunt, callous, deviant…,”

“Deviant?” Kakashi raised his head. They were so close to one another, it would take a little neck stretch for their lips to meet.

“Egotistical, fussy…,“

“Wait, I’m not a deviant.”

“Grumpy, hedonistic…”

“Now you are just making stuff up.”

“I’m not, you just have so many _many_ flaws,” he shook his head playfully but his eyes glanced softly at him.

Kakashi’s gazed at Tenzō’s mouth.One side was slightly curved up as if he was about to smile. He never really paid too much attention to the nuances of the younger man’s face, but when they were close like this, he could almost understand what the other was feeling. Tenzō suddenly slid his hand from Kakashi’s neck to his jaw and pulled down the mask.

 _A little further_. He could act on it himself but, like always, he wanted the other to do it. It was so easy to hand over control to him and let go. His heart began to rush as Tenzō thumbed a digit along his lips, he parted them, allowing the tip of his tongue to taste the other’s skin just a little.

“No one is going to knock on my door,” Tenzō said under his breath, the finger moved away as he eased forward.

“No,” Kakashi closed his eyes.

“I don’t want to stop,” their lips brushed.

“Then don’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, I'm a shameless Izumo/Kotetsu fangirl, had to add that there >.>
> 
> I might be posting the next chapter before the end of the week, depends on how much I can get done this weekend.


	3. 3 Days to the Wedding: Intimacy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT WARNING!! But with feels... 
> 
> So... the next chapter will likely be published at some point next week (not this one that starts tomorrow, but the one after that), i need to recharge. 
> 
> PS: Thanks so much for the comments btw, they really make my day :)

_I don’t want to stop._

Yamato heard himself say, but the words poured out of his mouth by accident. Come to think of it, they weren’t even accurate. Not that he didn’t want to stop, it was that, when he felt Kakashi’s lips on his, he knew he could not. Each time they kissed, Yamato wanted more, he craved it. 

For years he had been by his senpai’s side, he trusted him; he was trusted by him, they relied on one another, saved each other’s lives. Yamato never questioned it or tried to define this bond because what was there to find? It was a result of their past and what they were. But the further he was kept from him the more he longed for his company. Kakashi’s touches became warm, the way he spoke and whispered sent shivers through his body and even the pace of his heart turned chaotic around him. That first kissed flooded his mind with all the things he once renounced, and that relationship that was so simple, was gone.

“Then don’t.” Kakashi said and took Yamato’s bottom lip between his teeth.

Then he wouldn’t. Yamato didn’t really know how far he was willing to go, how far he had to go for all this fire inside him to burn out. He wasn’t sure if that was possible or if it even mattered. Kakashi sucked his lip into his mouth, almost drawing a moan out of him. Heat surfaced, taking over his chest, his neck, his face. 

Maybe he was red,… No, he was definitely red. His eyes opened just a little. He wanted to look at him. By now he knew that when they were this close he couldn’t see much, but even a little glimpse of Kakashi’s expression would be nice. But the older man let go of his lip and pulled back, enough for Yamato to focus on his face. Kakashi was panting. If he could remember right, as they were talking, when their lips were barely touching, he was already breathing heavier than normal. 

They stared at each other. If someone had described such a scene to him, he would have imagined it to be uncomfortable and awkward, but it was neither. The natural paleness of Kakashi’s skin had a rose tinge, his tired and pleading eyes staring back at him, the way his lips were apart just enough so he could see his tongue and the white edge of his teeth as they gaped further when he inhaled. There was nothing uncomfortable about it. Looking at his senpai like this made Yamato want him in ways he couldn’t describe.

Reaching out, he traced Kakashi’s cheek with the back of his fingers, then over his scar. The other’s brows wrinkled a little, and Yamato smiled. His hand moved to cup Kakashi’s face just under his jawline, drifting slowly to bury the fingers into his hair.

“Seeing something you like?” Kakashi said.

“I might be.”

“You can stare at me whenever.”

“Not like this.”

That look his senpai was giving him was all but _whenever_. He had seen the other many times, closely, even privately, but this was intimate. He didn’t expect Kakashi to understand as he couldn’t see what he was seeing.

Closing his fingers gently around the silver strands on the back of Kakashi’s head, Yamato began to pull him closer. His gaze abandoned the other’s and rested on his lips as they slowly drew near. No matter how many times they kissed, it felt like his heart would burst out of his throat right before their mouths touched, as the sound of their breathing grew louder as the distance faded. 

When they finally met, Yamato’s tongue pressed firmly against Kakashi’s lips, urging him to part them so he could taste him again. The other complied without hesitation, taking Yamato’s tongue in his and leaned over, making him sink back on the sofa.

A warm and sturdy palm laid on his stomach and held him down. The other shifted slightly, keeping their lips locked. They weren’t in the best position. He had his legs crossed, his senpai had a leg in, one out, his hips were wrongly turned to one side. The logistics of kissing were more complicated than the younger man had considered. But the idea of breaking their link to fix it was absurd.

That hand on him was getting heavier. Kakashi’s fingers sank into him as the kiss deepened, almost like his senpai was trying to hold on, to keep himself from going too far. But Yamato didn’t care about that, if he was going to drown then he was ready to do it under his senpai’s weight. He touched the hand and traced along Kakashi’s arm; the sleeve crumpling as it rolled up. But barely touching his arm wasn’t enough. Yamato let go of the arm and reached for the hem of Kakashi’s shirt and tugged it up, sliding his hand under it just to be kept from his skin by the tight sleeveless top they were both wearing underneath. He tried to pull it but it was so tight, like it had been sewed onto the other man’s body. His own wasn’t this constricting, so he was struggling. 

Kakashi suddenly chuckled, breaking the kiss and sitting back up.

“What are you trying to do?” he said, but the smug look gave away that he was aware of Yamato’s intentions.

“Trying to save you from that parasite of a top you’re wearing,” Yamato pursed his lips.

“It’s my protection against perverts trying to touch me.”

“You really need to be more careful with the company you keep, senpai.”

Kakashi reached his hands back and removed with long sleeve shirt, tossing it on top of the ANBU book that laid on the floor next to the sofa 

“I need this one,” he touched the collar, “for the mask…”

One day he would ask his senpai about that obsession with hiding his face, but right then, he agreed with a nod.

“Fine… just,” he stretched out his arm and tried to pinch the tight top unsuccessfully, “a little bit…”

Kakashi pushed that second skin just enough for the fabric to gather above his navel. 

“I guess you can manage it now.” 

Why was his senpai making things so difficult? Bullying him, even now. Yamato had to make do with what he was given and grasped the folded fabric, raising it so to slide his hand over his skin. Kakashi’s body was lighter under that top, but it was warmer and softer than he expected, save for the occasional scar here and there, as a result of years of action. He had some of those too; they didn’t bother him. As the fingers explored, his senpai stopped talking and now all he could hear was the thumping in his chest. 

…

It had been a long time since someone touched him like this, with curiosity rather than pure lust. Kakashi himself couldn’t remember ever touching another body the way Tenzō was doing to him now. Part of him wanted to know what the other was thinking as he softly trailed his fingers over his stomach, like some sort of puzzle to be unveiled. 

Kakashi watched him for a while. The flush in Tenzō’s face became more apparent as he continued to gaze at his middle. That distance began to bother him. He needed more contact than just those rambling fingers. Swiftly, Kakashi laid down, forcing the other to roll onto his side so they could both fit. They were close again, closer than before. The other’s body pressed against his. There was a rousing warmth between them, intensified by the cool air coming from the window just above the sofa. 

Edging his head toward him, Tenzō planted a kiss below his ear, the shallow breath against his skin making Kakashi close his eyes as he reached to cup the younger man’s face. He turned, kissing Tenzō’s chin, the corner of his mouth, then taking his lips firmly. The deeper they kissed, the further Tenzō leaned onto him, and the hand that had been ghosting over his stomach tucked under the tight top and traced all the way up his spine. The top rumpled further, exposing his body halfway to his chest. 

The wandering hand on his back moved to his front, gliding over his nipple. Kakashi’s breath hitched and broke the kiss. His lids were heavy as he tried to open his eyes. The younger man smiled. It could have been a smirk, Kakashi’s mind was foggy so he couldn’t tell for sure, but Tenzō looked way too pleased with himself for drawing that kind of reaction out of him. He then ran the tip of his tongue along Kakashi’s jaw, the palm drifted down the middle of his chest, taking its time as it traced past the navel, then a little further.

For someone who had claimed to have no experience, Tenzō was acting pretty bold. He grabbed Kakashi’s side tightly, pulling him closer as he bit and kissed down his neck and throat. His heart was racing. That nibbling to his skin, he could see himself getting addicted to it. Jōnin’s necks were usually covered by their uniform, and in his case, almost never got exposed. Maybe the younger man figured out how sensitive that area could be and decided to take advantage of that.

Tenzō’s thigh urged itself between Kakashi’s legs, grinding against his crotch as the hand slipped under the waistband, just an inch, but it was enough to force a moan to escape his lips again.

_Fuck._

If only he had taken time in the last year or so to get some kind of physical release with someone, anyone, but he was busy, he ignored his needs, and now, he was losing control over something so trivial. He was growing harder with every rub of that leg.

He gripped tightly to Tenzō’s shirt and tugged on it.. 

“Take it off.” 

Kakashi demanded, but in reality, he needed a short while to pull himself together. When he first imagine this, or a version of it, he had been so methodical. He would come to Tenzō’s place, get down to business–whatever that turned out to be–get it off his system and go home. That was what he would do with a random nobody, but that person arousing him wasn’t a nobody, and that was a problem. 

Tenzō did not comment on the request and instantly pulled back from molesting Kakashi’s neck, also withdrawing the hand so he could remove the shirt and the top under it. He did it in one go, blindly tossing both somewhere, messing up his hair. He then pressed against him further and returned the hand to where it once was, barely tucked into Kakashi’s bottoms. Eagerly, Tenzō licked the other’s lips and dipped his tongue into his mouth, regaining the control that had been momentarily taken from him.

The thigh continued to grind at his groin, the fabric of the underwear getting rougher as Kakashi grew more sensitive. Their kiss began to show signs of how desperate they both were for one another, and as Tenzō rolled his hips, Kakashi noticed that the other was just as aroused as he was, so he spread his legs, just enough to bend a knee and rubbed into Tenzō’s hardon until the other moaned into their kiss.

Those sounds alone could’ve driven him crazy. What was going on? Why was he allowing himself to get so tangled in this? The damage he could do to his role as Hokage, to Tenzō, to their friendship. Though, in the end, there was no room for reason between them at that moment, so thinking of consequences would have to wait until they were done. With that, instead of pulling Tenzō’s hand off his hip, Kakashi pushed further into his pants.

…

Their lips parted. Yamato rested his forehead on his senpai’s temple and looked down at the narrowing gap between their bodies. The heavy pounding in his chest was making it hard for him to breathe. That moment had crossed his mind before, usually at night when he was alone, and although he would deny it, he touched himself over that image many times during the time they were apart. 

His fingertips brushed over the head of Kakashi’s cock, and he gazed at him. The half-lidded eyes, the sheen of his skin, the urged sound of his breathlessness encouraged Yamato to go further. He needed no guidance; he wanted to touch him and please him, but above all else, he wanted Kakashi to let go. He would do anything for a glimpse of that vulnerability he once saw.

“Senpai…,” Yamato said under his breath, like a plea. _Show me more._ He allowed his palm to slide down Kakashi’s length to draw moans until the other made no attempts to conceal them anymore. Eventually, that moment would become just another souvenir. Yamato hated that idea, but he couldn’t change the fact that in a few days he would be gone again. So, if that was the case, then he would greedily take every second of that time until it imprinted in both their memories. 

That throaty tone in Kakashi-senpai’s voice as he exhaled made his hardon burn in his pants, so he rolled his hips again, humping the other’s side. His agony must have been so clear, because despite unravelling under Yamato’s hand, Kakashi reached for the younger man’s crotch and gripped his aching arousal over the trousers. 

A wave of heat flowed through his body and he groaned, nuzzling into his senpai’s hair, muffling his noises slightly as he entreatingly pressed into his hand.

Yamato wrapped a couple of fingers around him and freed him from his clothes. As he stroked him, he saw his senpai unashamedly watching, so he did the same. After all, he had never seen an erection but his own, neither had he held another. He was doing whatever felt good on himself, so it had to be right. But it wasn’t easy to judge as his mind was becoming hazier by the second, the scene was intoxicating. How bitter it would be if that ended up being their only time together like this.

Kakashi tugged down Yamato’s pants and closed his hand around his length, jerking on it as he thrusted into the other’s touch.

They were past caring about whatever sense of inhibition and reservations they might have had when that evening started. Their moans and groans freely poured from their lips, their skin damp with the heat of their bodies. Yamato would bite Kakashi’s face and neck, then they’d hungrily take each other’s lips, kiss until both were out of breath, break apart only to start over.

As they grew and hardened in their touch, Yamato’s hand began to slide with ease along the other’s shaft as it dripped between his fingers. He glanced briefly at their crotch, his own arousal seeping into his senpai’s palm. He leaned further against him, so close that their knuckles bumped. Kakashi stopped their synched pacing and allowed the head of the younger man’s cock to rub against his own. 

Yamato gulped for air. And he thought he couldn’t possibly get any more turned on, but there it was. He let go of his senpai, who followed suit. Their throbbing and dribbling lengths touched lightly, and Kakashi arched his back to rub them harder. That gap between them was gone, they pressed their bodies against one another. Yamato was breathing so heavily he could barely feel his lips, the heart was hammering in his chest and he feared he wouldn’t last. Still, he thrusted, starving for friction as their shafts glided faster with each roll of their hips.

When the younger man thought he was about to release himself, his senpai latched a hand on the back of his neck and kissed him. It wasn’t a proper kiss. He simply pinned his mouth on Yamato’s as his exhale shuddered; his moans so unhampered that Yamato knew Kakashi had come. 

Although Yamato couldn’t see that vulnerability he so wanted, he felt it in the way the other clung to him. For now, that was good enough. Maybe after this, when they were both spent. Right then, though, he continued to grind before reaching for both their shafts and pumped them together, drawing more sounds out of his senpai. 

It didn’t take him long after that. Panting into Kakashi’s neck, he shut his eyes tightly and came between their bodies. 

…

They laid there, catching their breath, waiting for their hearts to settle down. Kakashi rested his head on Tenzō’s and would have drifted into sleep if not for the icy breeze coming from the window, chilling whatever part of his damp skin not covered by the other’s heat.

“It’s cold,” he said as his brain fog lifted.

As he attempted to sit down, Tenzō’s arm wrapped around his. Kakashi didn’t know if that was to keep him there or to warm him up. Either way, his brows furrowed. Why was he so conflicted all of a sudden? Reason told him to stand up, clean himself and go, but even if that arm hadn’t pushed him down, Kakashi didn’t know if he could leave. 

His body shivered as another draft gusted in, colder than before. Tenzō was the one taking most of it on his naked back, but it didn’t seem to bother him. Yet, when Kakashi placed a freezing hand on that arm, he looked up at him but said nothing. Their eyes locked and Tenzō’s lips curved.

That smile, that face. His guts twisted. He had to get out of there before he had to face that overwhelming tightness in his heart. It was too much, while he knew the other would leave him in no time, he was desperate to push away those feelings. 

“Tenzō…,” the other’s name pour from his lips but the rest of his farewell didn’t.

“Let’s go to bed, senpai.”

That was such a bad idea in so many levels, but maybe he could wait until tomorrow to regret what they had done. If he allowed himself to have just one more moment with Tenzō, then maybe, with a fresh mind, he would see that this was nothing but naïve infatuation. One more night in his arms, that’s all.

“I need to get rid of this,” he pointed at their mess on his stomach.

“I was going to have a shower. Do you wanna go first?” Tenzō sat up and fixed his pants, then jumped over Kakashi’s body.

“It’s fine, you go.”

“You can join me,” Tenzō smiled as he walked to the bathroom.

The idea was tempting, especially now that the warmth of the other was gone and he was freezing. But he stood up, pulled up his pants and shut the window, imagining the two of them completely naked under warm water. Yeah, that wasn’t happening.

“If I do, we won’t get any sleep.” Kakashi said and got a snort from Tenzō. 

The sound of the shower running and the steam crept into the living room as Kakashi removed his sleeveless top to wipe himself. So much for keeping that on, but things didn’t exactly go the way he expected. For him, there were two outcomes. One, he would ask for help, the other would do as requested and he would then have tea and leave. Or two, they would kiss like before, get aroused, make the impersonal decision to have sex, go to the bedroom and do it. The only question would be how, but they were both men of reason and would come to a consensus without difficulty. 

It didn’t go either way. Tenzō was so intense, the way he looked at him, the way he touched him, and Kakashi didn’t want to admit that he lost himself in the other’s ardour. 

_Ugh… I’m too tired to think._ He thought on the way to the bedroom. Still holding his top in one hand, he sat down on the bed then tossed it towards the bathroom door, which was half open. If it wasn’t for the steam, Tenzō naked silhouette would be reflected in the mirror for him to see. 

He sighed and leaned on the pillow. It was soft and inviting, and likely the side of the bed Tenzō slept on because his scent as all over it, after all this time out of use. Kakashi could recognise it anywhere, it was so unique, probably because of the wood release. His thoughts drifted, his eyelids were getting heavier… he needed to have a shower, wash his top, but maybe he could just close his eyes for a minute or two.

  
…

“It’s your turn, senpai,” he called from the bathroom.

There was no answer, so Yamato turn off the water, wrapped the towel around his waist and peeked from the door. Kakashi-senpai had flopped down, part of his hair covering his face, hugging the pillow and breathing peacefully as he slept. 

Yamato’s lips curved and his heart paced a little faster as he walked towards the bed. How much he wished he could see that every day. Waking up to Kakashi sleeping next to him like that, no masks of any kind, just that person he was underneath all the restrictions forced onto them based on the life they had chosen. He couldn’t help that sinking feeling, no matter how happy he was.

The man lying there was the Hokage now, and for a long as Yamato remained an ANBU, special or not, this added yet another barrier to whatever this thing between them was. If only this had happened sooner, when they were both ANBU, if Yamato had figured out that he felt more than adulation. If his senpai had allowed this to develop. 

Kakashi was still sitting with the lower half of his body. Yamato grabbed his legs and put them on the bed, then pulled the blankets over him. There was no way the older man would have understood or accepted this if he hadn’t left the black ops, if he hadn’t become a sensei to those kids. Everything that happened, had to happen for this very moment to exist between them, so there was some comfort in that thought.

He draped the towel on a chair, took a pair of boxers from the drawer, put them on and laid on the bed, turning to his side to watch Kakashi sleep. A smile took over him again, and he reached to pick some strands that fell over the other’s face and tucked them behind his ear. 

“You goin’…? Don’t…” Kakashi said, slurring his words as he shifted to the side. 

It wasn’t a wide bed, so when the other turned he did right into his chest. Yamato took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around him.

“I won’t. Not tonight,” Yamato said in a whisper and forced his eyes shut; maybe he could shut his feelings from surfacing too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Needy and vulnerable Kakashi is my weakness... T^T


	4. 2 Days to the Wedding: Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yet again, Yamato has to leave Kakashi to continue his mission and as he starts to track down Orochimaru and bumped into Saruka. Meanwhile, Kakashi wakes to alone to find that the other's apartment is not equipped for sleepovers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter came sooner than I has expected. I'm on holidays next week, so I could waste away the weekend to finish it up. 
> 
> Next chapter will be published on Friday/Saturday/Sunday as per usual.

5am. The streets were deserted, and the sun hadn’t yet shown in the horizon, but for Yamato, it was already late. Despite that, he took his time walking up to the inn where Orochimaru stayed. He had no hopes that the man would still be there, so running at that point was futile, but he had to start his search somewhere.

The night before, Yamato had a clone on a roof across from the inn, watching the Sannin from afar as he sat on the bed, reading.  Orochimaru knew he was being watched. He also knew where the clone was, and stood by the window, grinning for a disturbingly long time. Yamato’s plan was to keep the copy on him and get some rest before he took over the stake out himself overnight. But the clone dispelled the moment he shared a few heated kisses with his senpai.

“That was irresponsible,” Yamato said, looking down at the unpaved ground of the side road that led to the inn.

It was so unlike him to abandon a mission; he saw himself as a cautious person when it came to his duties. What else could he have done, though? Told Kakashi, who was all warm and sweaty against him, that he had to leave mid-action because of Orochimaru? That damn man was taking way too much of his life as it was. He wanted that night and Kakashi-senpai wanted it too, or at least needed.

Those sounds, he could still hear them, so alluring, so seductive. The taste of his skin, off his lips. It was lust. It must have been. All the tension, that desire to touch him. Yamato would happily lick every inch of Kakashi’s body if he was given enough time, and if he still had some left, he would shove aside his inexperience, throw his senpai on the bed, put himself between his legs and take him over and over, until they were both too exhausted to do anything but pass out on each other.

Yamato halted. His face warmed up as the images displayed so graphically in his mind. He shook his head as if to get rid of them and looked around. There was no one there, but that wasn’t the sort of thought a person should have in the middle of the street on the way to work. Still, as he picked his pace again, it didn’t take him a full block down the road for his mind to be back to earlier that morning.  


When he woke up, he sat on the bed and looked absently at the wall. For a moment, he forgot he wasn’t alone, until Kakashi shifted and an arm came into view, stretched onto his side. He eyed over his shoulder. If only he'd stayed a little longer, let his senpai sleep soundly on his chest as he stared at the ceiling, pretending that was just like any other morning. That wasn’t lust. That evening had nothing to do with physical needs alone, because it hadn’t appeased him. If anything, it added another layer of complexity to feelings he had been trying to understand since their first kiss.

When Kakashi tossed on the bed, reached for the pillow he had slept on and shoved his face in it, it forced Yamato’s heart to skip a beat. All those little things, they had such an impact on him.   


“Are you running away again?” Kakashi said, his grouchy voice muffled by the pillow, as one eye opened.  


“I have to.”   


“You’re too strict too early. ”

He had to hold back a smile. It wasn’t fitting, Kakashi was grumpy, but to Yamato, that was a cute sight.

“Just doing my job, senpai.”  


“Hm…” 

Yamato sank his face into his palms and, for a while longer, he sat there, then turned and watched Kakashi drift back to sleep. The subtle smile he still had on faded and his forehead wrinkled further. It hurt. If the other knew how hard it was to walk away; how much strength he had to summon from within to lift his body off that bed. But Yamato did nonetheless, knowing he now had two days left.  


“Two days,” he said under his breath. The mission wasn’t going anywhere. Two, five, ten days. What different did it make? There was an end day to everything but the mission. He still had to find Orochimaru that morning to make up for his failure. That slippery man, if Yamato became too unfocused he would spend all his time in Konoha looking for him. 

Swerving his thoughts away from Kakashi wasn’t easy either. His senpai was that one person he would always admire for as long as he lived, for reasons that now had no benefit to the way Yamato felt. Stern, cunning, skilled, responsible–for most part–and cared for others more than he did for himself. But now, there were all these little things Kakashi did and said,… or didn’t say and do. If he stood there absolutely still, Yamato could still find something that made parts of him weaken and melt.

_Is this lo–_

“Yamato-taichou!” 

The voice came from a distance as he approached the inn and echoed through the empty street. The pink-haired woman waived and dashed towards him.   


“Yamato-taichou!”  


“Sakura?” Yamato furrowed his brows, not expecting such a person to be roaming the streets before dawn. “What a surprise.”   


“I lost track of time,” she said, tucking some unruly strands behind her ear. “I’m just coming back from the hospital. We are a little short staffed.”  


For so long Yamato avoided coming back to Konoha. It didn’t occur to him that Sakura, a former member of Team 7–a little girl–was an adult, with a very important job and a life beyond that of a soldier. It was easy to ignore time passing when his own life was so stagnated and, until yesterday, uneventful.

“You must be here for the wedding,” her eyes shifted, “everyone is coming back for that,… I guess.”  


Based on her sullen expression, the girl’s life was probably different from what she would have wanted. Her choices hadn’t been the smartest ones, and no matter how renowned she became in the last few years, she still pined for the same person. How fitting for her to show up when he had been doing some longing of his own.  


“Something like that,” Yamato said. “How have you been?”  


“I’m good,” she said promptly, but then sighed. “Well, so so.”  


“Is it Sasuke?” It was a basic assumption.  


Sakura’s face flushed, more apparent now that the sun began to rise. “I don’t want to bother you with things like that. You’re probably busy.”  


Not only busy but on a mission he couldn’t disclose, especially not to her. Orochimaru got into so many people’s business, it was hard to find one ninja of whatever generation that didn’t have a grudge against him.  


“I’m just tracking someone. Wanna join me?” It was shameless to ask, and Yamato did have a pinch of guilt for wanting her to tag along so he could learn a thing or two from someone with more experience than him in all this relationship thing. She yearned for a person who was never there, and so did he.  


“That brings back memories!” She lit up. “Why not?”   


“This way,” Yamato pointed at the alley that led to the back of the inn. “So, Sasuke, uh?”  


“Yeah…”

“He isn’t coming to the wedding, is he?”

“I don’t know,” she gazed down, “but he probably shouldn’t. He is not very liked, and considering some of the guests… he wouldn’t want to ruin this for Naruto.”  


Much like Yamato, Sasuke’s visits were rare. But, while Yamato was still accepted, in spite of some seeing his face as the clones that attacked them during the war, Sasuke remained a criminal. It would be a long time before Konoha and other villages moved past it. If he were to be honest, he wasn’t fond of him either and had, repeatedly, disagreed with Kakashi’s decision to let him go.

“It’s difficult because…,” she said with a pause, then dashed over her words, “I’m always alone and I almost never see him, and sometimes I wonder if this is even a relationship at all.”  


Yamato empathised.  


“And if it is? Is it going to be like this forever?…” she said, “I’ll always be by myself while my friends get married and have a real life with the people they love?”  


“Sounds tough.” And it was, for him too. Time with Kakashi was running out and he hadn’t yet figured out what was going on between them. Besides, he couldn’t possibly be sure of when he would see his senpai next, just like them.

Sakura simply agreed with a defeated nod. Yamato stopped and turned his focus to the second floor window, then crouched to inspect the ground under it. 

“Maybe you should…” he continued and considered his words, he was curious, for himself mostly, “move on.” 

“No! I can’t…!” she stepped back, a hand over her bosom. “I wish…, but no! I can’t give up on him. He is doing his best to understand himself and his feelings, and I can’t be selfish now.”

That sounded familiar. Kakashi-senpai was such a guarded person that it was more likely to imagine he had no feelings than expect him to reveal any, which was why Yamato had been so surprised when he kissed him. He had so many questions, though. How? Why? When did Kakashi begin to see him as something other than a friend? If he had dropped hints over the years, then Yamato failed to pick them up. Was it physical? Was it something more? He still didn’t know. They never talked about it, neither then nor now. It was something that happened between them and, by the looks of it, needed no discourse. The same would happen to that evening. Just another thing. What they had wasn’t a relationship. It wasn’t anything.  


It made Yamato a little sick to his stomach. Regardless, he spread his fingers on the ground, then brushed the sand gently to find some pieces of wood that probably fell off the window frame when Orochimaru left. “What if it takes years?”   


“Yamato-taichou!” Sakura said with her lips pushed together in a pout. 

“I’m sorry,” he stood up, rubbed his hands to clear the dirt and attempted a lighthearted smile. “It’s hard for me to understand,” it really wasn’t, “my generation is different,” he said with conviction, then jumped onto the wall across from the inn, and up on the roof of the neighbouring house.   


“Is it?”   


“You don’t see many of us married with families,” he jerked his head as if asking her to keep up.  


“Hm,” she took a moment and followed Yamato. “I never noticed. My parents are just regular people, but most all my friends are from shinobi families. I thought it was normal, getting married, having children and all that.”  


“I’m not of your parents' generation,” Yamato said, furrowing his brows.   


“Eh?” Sakura’s eyes bulged. “I thought you were the Hokage’s age.”  


“He is not that old either, and I’m four years younger…”  


“Sorry, it’s not like I ever read your medical record, Yamato-taichou. They are pretty sealed, Hokage’s eyes only. You know, the two of you make for a very mysterious couple.”

“A what?” She couldn’t possibly know there was something going on between them!  


“You know, pair of people,” Sakura said and gave a dismissive wave of hand, “Can you believe I still haven’t seen Kakashi-sensei’s face? Have you? You must have.”

“On occasion.”

“Give me more!” She clasped her hands with a grin, “How does he look like? Handsome? I bet he is handsome.”  


“Nah, just a plain regular face.” What an understatement that was. She didn’t need to know the truth, and he also didn’t trust himself to talk about Kakashi without looking smitten.  


“That all? I was hoping for details!” She pursed her lips but turned to the clang of shop roller shutters a couple of blocks down from where they were. “In any case, this generation thing is nonsense. We are all alive right now, so anything is possible.”  


Even if Sakura believed that, and they were only 10 years apart or so in age, the world they grew up in was very different. 

“I like your outlook better than mine,” he said, noticing that the girl seemed distracted. He followed her eyes towards the commercial street. “If you have other plans-“  


“No, I…,” she paused for a second and gave him an apologetic smile, “I promised mom I would get her flowers today. Because of the wedding, the good ones get sold so quickly.”

“You should go. This will take a while.”

Sakura apologised a few more times and left. The sun rose above the horizon, revealing the disturbed condensation on the roof. Steps Orochimaru likely left on purpose for him to track. Yamato had to follow, as he had nothing else to go by, in more ways than one. That conversation only confused him further. He should have talked to someone else.

  
…

That fresh scent on the pillow. Tenzō must have slept with his hair still wet from the shower. As nice as it was, it didn’t make up for the fact that Kakashi, yet again, was waking up to find the other gone. Twice they spent the night together, and twice the other left him before morning. This time, however, it appeared he left no message.   


It was already late, judging by the how the sun streaming in through the window hitting Kakashi’s feet as they peeked out from the blankets. No one would be barging down the door to remind him to go to work; how comforting. That bed, at that moment, was his small and peaceful haven.   


Kakashi shut his eyes. Visions of the previous night flashed before him and a voice inside told him to regret it, but still, he was conflicted. His fingers ran along his neck, his jaw. There was a lingering sensation of Tenzō’s teeth on his skin, the hand that traced down his chest and shamelessly touched him. It was still so vivid, he couldn’t deny it, forget it, reject it. Not yet.

Although, the person he was yesterday was so alien to him. Sleeping on a strange bed, no mask, no care. It was the heaviest he had ever slept. He had no memory of how he ended up in Tenzō’s arms, but he spent the night tucked into him. Whenever he shifted, the other would pull him closer, and instead of feeling constricted, it soothed him.

His bliss wasn’t meant to last. He chased after his urges, indulged in pleasure and now it was time to come back to reality. The world where he was the leader of the village, Tenzō was his subordinate, gone for months. Where he had to sit for hours on end giving missions to new ninjas. Where he would watch the happiness of others while dismissing his own. Reality always treated him poorly, but he returned to it every time. He was, after all, responsible for it.

Tenzō was still all over him. He needed a warm shower, wash all that doubt away. Wash his top. Get ready. 

It took him a few more minutes before he had the courage to move, dropping his trousers on the way to the bathroom and picking up the top from the floor. Tenzō probably left in a hurry. Theplace was messy, just like they left the night before. Kakashi imagined that he would at least put clothes in the washing machine. He has never considered before, but maybe Tenzō was the messy type. In that case, he shouldn’t have complained about the tidiness of his office that time. 

Kakashi switched the lights on in the bathroom and caught a sight of his reflection in the mirror. “What the…,” He said and approached it. No wonder he could still feel the bites on his neck, they were still there. His lips curved as he touched the marks again, wondering if he left some on Tenzō too. 

What if he did? What if he did and the other didn’t notice? Considering Tenzō ran off, he wouldn’t have. The idea of them both hiding teeth marks under their tops amused him, but what was even more entertaining was Tenzō walking about with exposed bite marks on his face. He wore tops that only covered up to the chin, so it was a possibility. How mad would the other be if he had to explain where the bites came from? 

Kakashi snorted at the thought; he truly was a bully sometimes. 

He turned on the shower and went in to wash the remnants of the night before, choosing, once again, to ignore that nagging voice. He could deal with it after he was clean, and had some breakfast. It was unpleasant to try and focus on an empty stomach.

  
…  
  


Nothing turn out how he expected, however.

When Kakashi pointed out to Tenzō that the apartment was barren, he had no idea how bad the situation was. There was nothing there. None of his basic needs. No blow dryer, no hair gel, no washing machine, no clothe hanger, no food. Apart from some nuts, disgusting instant coffee and a tin with a sad pinch of yellowed tea leaves inside, the kitchen was empty. It was as bad as Naruto’s place when he was 11 years old, safe for the spoiled milk, only because there wasn’t any to begin with.

_I really need to have a conversation with him about minimum living standards._ Kakashi thought as he made a sharp turn and shuddered.  


It didn’t matter that the sun was shining, every time the wind blew Kakashi shivered and tucked his hands even deeper into his pockets. He had to ensure some part of his upper body was still warm. The tight top under his shirt was wet, and so was the mask. He couldn’t remember if he had the vest on the night before, but if he had, he didn’t find it that morning. If that wasn’t enough, he appeared even more undone with his towel-dry hair that kept flopping over the headband right into his eyes. 

Kakashi had to take a longer path, hiding behind lamp posts in narrow streets, waiting for alleyways to quiet down so he could dash through them. He didn’t care about reputation all that much, but even for him, this was a new low. He hoped that if anyone got to see him, that it was some random village folk rather than someone he actually knew. 

But, like a protagonist of a bad joke, Kakashi stood behind some bins in a back alley, staring down at the Hokage’s residence only a few feet away. Between him and the doors to warmth, hair gel and decency, were a set of wheels, green bodysuit and a bowl cut. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only after I woke Kakashi walking back home that I realised he was totally doing the walk of shame XD! I was so amused I just had to get Gai involved! The last person anyone wants to come accross during a walk of shame, I'm sure.


	5. 2 Days to the Wedding: Support

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's difficult to have Gai around without being slightly comical, I guess, so this is a warning. XD
> 
> This chapter took longer to write than I expected, I wasn't very well for most of the week, but I'll also blame Kakashi, he doesn't want to collaborate sometimes.
> 
>   
> The next chapter should be published next Saturday/Sunday.

“Seriously…” Kakashi said, watching as Gai talked to someone at a food stall.

That was an inconvenience. Konoha’s green beast was the last person he wanted to see that morning. Although he trusted Gai with his life, discretion wasn’t his forte, and his flamboyance worsened when Kakashi was around. Besides, wheelchair or not, he was still a formidable ninja, and not one to be taken lightly.

Rubbing his arms for warmth, he crouched behind the bins while he came up with a plan. Judging by the stench, the dead-end alley he found himself in was where most of the surrounding business dropped their trash. There were even dogs rummaging through torn bags, looking for food. 

_How did it come to this?_ He closed his eyes for a moment. What a redundant question, he knew the answer. It wasn’t because of Tenzō’s lack of everything in his apartment that he found himself amongst rubbish and stray dogs; it was his own poor decision making. He went there for physical release, with the excuse of needing Tenzō’s help. If he only had left when he meant to. But when Tenzō laid a hand on the back of his neck, all logic came crumbling down. Knowing someone’s touch could strip him of reason like that.

His fingers curled into a fist around his sleeves. Why was he even pondering about something like that in a place like this? Being cold and hungry was going to be the least of his problems if he ended up lingering there for much longer. A couple of hours late for work wasn’t so bad, he was Kakashi after all, but he hadn’t been in yet and it was approaching lunchtime. The Hokage’s home had no sign he’d been there overnight, so if anyone came to find him and he wasn’t there, it would raise an alarm and force Shikamaru to send the ANBU to find him.

If he couldn’t avoid Gai, he would race down the road. Even if people saw him, maybe they wouldn’t notice his state. He fixed himself as he stood up from behind the bins and, as he peeked down the road, Gai's eyes caught his like a magnet.

“Oh! Kakashi!!” Gai yelled from the distance, grabbing firmly to his wheels and spinning them so fast his hands seemed to disappear. 

That street had been paved during the village’s reconstruction, and yet Gai managed to create a trail of sand behind him, causing a commotion as people waved their hands in the air, closing their eyes and covering their faces. That hurricane headed straight to the back alley. Kakashi crouched behind the bins again and looked down, but seconds later the wheels came into view.

“Kakashi! What are you–” 

“Shh!” The Hokage raised his head, part of his face covered by his hair. “Keep it down.”

The other gripped his shoulder, which was damp because of the wet top underneath, and shook him. “What happened to you?!”

“Nothing.” 

“You look pretty ragged,” Gai said and rolled back, narrowing his eyes, “Hmmm… wait a minute!”

Kakashi stepped from behind the bins, shoved his hands into his pockets, and looked away as if that was just a regular place to be. If ignored Gai, then the other would just be his usual self and pressure him more, but he had no other option.

“Is this a walk of shame situation?” 

He was sharp. “Anyway–”

“Don’t give that _anyway_ attitude, Kakashi!” Gai shook his fist, overly animated as always. “You were partying all night yesterday! To think you’re still enjoying the springtime of youth makes me proud and jealous at the same time!”

“Listen…,” Kakashi turned around and leaned down so he could keep a low tone of voice. There was no point in wasting time debating. “I’ll tell you everything but, before there is a crisis, I need to get home without attracting attention.”

“You’re the Hokage, it won’t happen.”

“I know, that’s why I need your help.”

The other lit up as Kakashi had been the one challenging him to something. “Count on me, rival!” 

Even if Gai’s ideas were a little unconventional sometimes, he was reliable. Kakashi could just find an excuse later instead of telling the other anything of real importance. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” 

“Aa,” Gai laced his fingers and stretched his arms, before holding onto the wheels. 

They were still in tune, like when they fought together in missions and didn’t have to share tactics because they already knew what each of them had to do. If Gai stormed down the streets like before, the sand would lift again, creating a trail. Kakashi could run behind it and avoid being seen by people trying not to inhale the dusty air. He turned to the street and pointed. 

“Right, so you go first–“

But before he could go any further, Gai charged his wheelchair right into the back of Kakashi’s knees. His feet left the ground, he slammed against the other’s lap butt first. “Here we go!” He roared, spinning so fast Kakashi had to grab onto the sides to ensure he remained on the wheelchair.

They shot down the road like a bullet, lifting a gush of sand and dust in the air behind them. People coughed and complained but, most importantly, they didn’t seem to know what just happened. The trail was still setting by the time Gai delivered Kakashi to the door of his residence.

“That’s not what I was thinking…,” Kakashi pushed himself off the wheelchair, looked at his house and up the road. That was one idiotic way of getting there, but it worked. No one noticed him by the looks of it, and even if they had, it was such an absurd scene, who would believe them?

“Thanks, Gai, see you later,” he raised a hand.

“Wait!” Gai rolled his chair, blocking the entrance. “I believe I’ve earned details of your youthful escapade!”

Good part of Kakashi’s life was spent saying no to the other’s challenges, purposely ignoring, avoiding and pushing him away. When they were young, Gai was particularly annoying, but the reason was the same, no matter who it was. Kakashi didn’t like people getting too close. But since Gai lost the use of his legs during the war, he couldn’t do that anymore with a clean conscience. 

“Fine,” Kakashi said, sighing as he went around Gai to let him in. “But there isn’t much to say,” he closed the door behind them.

Be it as it may, Kakashi was unwilling to disclose anything about the reasons he looked the way he did. Omission had always been his weapon of choice to keep others at arm’s length, not lying. Yet, neither omission nor deflection would work on Gai and, regardless of his comment, Kakashi had never been so young at heart as to be open about sentiments in the first place.

  
…  
  


Kakashi left Gai in the living room with some tea and snacks, excused himself to get rid off his damp clothes and dry his hair. Gai went on about the recent changes to his rehabilitation as he waited, stating he would still like to perform Jōnin tasks around the village one day, when he could finally use at least his left leg. Doctors weren’t optimistic as he and Lee were, but that would never stop him. When Kakashi returned to the living room, Gai poured him some tea as an invitation to join him at the table.

“This house is impressive.” 

The Hokage’s residence was fancier than anywhere Kakashi had previously lived. There were two rooms he had never been in, apart from peeking in when Tsunade or Shizune came around to collect something they had forgotten. It was a place for a couple, for a family maybe. He had neither and decided, long ago, he never would. 

“Unnecessarily so.” Kakashi pulled a chair and sat across from Gai, thanking him for the tea. “That sofa I’ve got in my office used to be over there. I would have taken the bed, but my proposal was denied.”

Gai laughed. “I did tell you, didn’t I? You can’t do whatever you please just because of the title.”

“It would have been a nice perk to make up for being overworked. ”

“You really haven’t had much free time in the last couple of years. I knew being Hokage wasn’t easy, but… remember the 3rd? He used to walk around the village all the time. Who could have imagined that peace times the job would be this demanding?”

“I’m constantly being told to make decisions I have no business making,” Kakashi pulled his mask down, just enough to expose his lips, to avoid revealing the marks on his jaw and neck, and sipped his tea, “I’m neither a politician nor an administrator, but I seem to do a lot of that lately on top of everything else.”

“Times are changing after all.”

“Must be, since you’ve been sitting there talking for about 30 minutes and haven’t challenged me yet.”

“Hm…,” Gai crossed his arms and nodded matter-of-factly. “Very well observed, but a challenge now would distract from the real objective here.”

“That so…” Kakashi said and shoved some snacks in his mouth.

“Gahh! I hate when you are so laid back, Kakashi!” 

“Sorry…,” he wasn’t the slightest and continue to eat.

“Spill the beans. Who is she?”

“She?”

“The one who kept you busy all night! Was she cute?”

“Gai, isn’t that a little shallow?” He would allow the other to think the person was a woman for a little longer. Knowing Gai, it didn’t matter anyway, to him anything was an expression of youth. 

“It’s an important observation,” he drank from his tea.

“Is it? In that case…,” Kakashi closed his eyes as he drank. 

Tenzō was very cute when he was young, with his huge cold but curious black eyes. It didn’t change when he was a little older. His hair so long it went far down his back. Kakashi teased him a lot when he joined Team Ro, maybe because Tenzō was still cute. Many years after, when he got annoyed with Kakashi, it was also cute; when he followed him; when he needed approval after doing anything ridiculously impressive; flushed when he got too close; when trying to keep awake at night during missions and his eyes would slowly shut; when he drank, laughed, smiled. Tenzō was cute to him most of the time. 

There was no tea left in the cup, but Kakashi still had it pressed against his slightly arced lips. His eyes remained closed. As long as he stayed like that, he could still see him.

“Oi, Kakashi, don’t fall asleep on me now!”

He gazed at the other and put the cup down, “It was a long night.” 

Gai grabbed his hair in a dramatic and frustrated exertion. “I will just assume she is cute since I wouldn't expect less than good taste from you. But who is she anyway?”

“Ah,” Kakashi held his chin, pretending to be thinking. 

“You don’t even know her name!?”

“I guess not,” he didn’t know Tenzō’s real name, so technically, that wasn’t a lie. 

“You sly dog! To think you would have to become Hokage to start enjoying your youth,” Gai said with a pinch of envy, but then exhaled loudly and crossed his arms again. “But I’m disappointed.”

“How so?” 

“Having a one-night stand with a woman you don’t even know the name is very reckless. In the rare times we had breaks during missions away from the village and we pull something like that, it was different. No one knew who we were. But as Hokage, you need to be more careful.”

“I can’t leave the village _because_ I’m Hokage, so how do you suggest I get around this conundrum?”

Even if Kakashi's response was curt, and even if Gai didn’t know the whole story, he was right. He hadn’t looked at what happened as a one-night stand because first, they only fooled around; second, it was Tenzō, and because it was Tenzō, it wasn’t meaningless. But maybe his reasoning was all but an excuse, and the night before was just a one-night stand, in the end. Tenzō was also a direct subordinate and, by default, what he did was unethical. Further aggravated by the fact that he wasn’t just a boss, but the Hokage. 

“Kakashi…,” Gai seemed to have realised that Kakashi’s tone was of someone conflicted rather than snappy for being lectured because his tone also changed. “I’m not saying don’t. I’m saying don’t do it all the time with all the women you find cute and available in Konoha.”

“That is a lot of assumptions for one conversation alone, Gai.”

“Even if it is, you’ve always been too carefree with your image.”

“You’re the one to talk.”

“We are both guilty of that, but I’m a retired taijutsu ninja in a wheelchair, and you are the most important ninja in the Land of Fire.”

Kakashi didn’t need Gai to point any of that out, he knew. He hated having responsibilities pushed at him because he would see them through, and it bothered him that all this doubt, about the decisions he had once made, was coming at him now at the most important time in his life. When he was responsible for thousands of people, for the future. 

If he had never got drunk that night in the treehouse, if only he hadn’t been so weak and kissed Tenzō. But, no matter how much he wanted to listen to that voice inside, to listen to his best friend, this mistake, from all the many he had made in his life, he couldn’t bring himself to regret. When he laid his head on Tenzō's shoulder that night, and that hand touched his head, a fog lifted and he felt he could finally breathe when for years he didn’t even realise he had been holding his breath. For months he waited, did his job without hesitation, and every single night, alone in his office, surrounded by paper, he wished he could have that again, one more time. Just one more time. But the shoulder wasn’t there. That hand wasn’t there. With all the power he had as a Hokage, the power to summon Tenzō back without questions asked, he still didn’t. 

“No one needs to tell me the value of my role, Gai.” He grabbed a few more snacks and stood up from the chair. “One I really must return to.”

“So you really won’t tell me anything about her?” Gai said with disillusion in his voice as they made to the door, stopping in front of it and crossing his arms, a signed that implied Kakashi could push him.

“ _She_ , _her_ …” Kakashi held onto Gai’s chair as they left. “I told you, you assumed too much,” maybe he could give the other a bit of information.

“Uh…?” Gai raised a brown and was quiet for a moment before turning to look back at Kakashi. “Oh! I see! Finding your own expression of youth is a beautiful path.”

“If you say so.”

“Why do you have to act so cool all the time?! You make me so mad, Kakashi!”

  
…  
  


A sequence of hand seals, followed by crackling sounds, sprouted branches from Yamato’s arm, back and leg. 

“Scout the area. I’ll go back to the Hokage’s office,” Yamato said as the clone detached from his body and dashed through the village gates. 

“Do you really think he left?” said the other Jōnin, fiddling with the senbon between his teeth. 

“It’s unlikely. But every time I diverge from his fake trail, he comes up with another.”

“Why doesn’t Kakashi send the ANBU to capture this guy already?”

“Maybe we should start calling him Rokudaime, Genma-san,” Yamato said with a smile, guilty of not doing that either, even though he tried in front of other people, a habit now more difficult to break due to whatever was going on between them. “Either way, capturing Orochimaru would be a war on its own. We don’t need that. As long as we keep him in check we can manage.” 

“He totally gave you the slip, though,” Genma glanced at him.

“Don’t remind me,” Yamato said under his breath. 

“What are you going to tell the Rokudaime?”

Yamato didn’t have to explain to Kakashi how it happened, as he had a part to play in that too. “The truth,” he said, turning to the other, “let the clone know if you see or find anything.”

  
…  
  


It was close to midday when Yamato left the gates to the village and headed to the Academy building. He got close to finding Orochimaru several times that morning but, by himself, even if he used a clone or two, he would end up taking the entire day. If Orochimaru didn’t want to be found, then it was very unlikely he would be, not without a team of tracker ninjas. It didn’t help that the village was busy; the streets were packed. It also didn’t help that Yamato’s mind was constantly shifting elsewhere.

As he approached the building, his heart began to race. He needed to be professional, but they hardly talked after what happened. The brief exchange they had when he left the apartment didn’t count. Kakashi was clearly still asleep and probably didn’t remember a thing. Did he even know he spent the whole night tucked into his arms? If Kakashi could tell him what that meant, what everything meant.

The mission. He had to focus on the mission. He ran a hand over his face and suddenly recognised the voices coming from a side street towards the front gate of the Academy.

“I’ve been planning a trip to the onsen for when you have some time off,” said the man in the wheelchair.

“Hokage get time off? That’s news to me.” 

_Kakashi-senpai?_ Yamato halted and waited for the two to approach.

“Rokudaime…,” he said.

Kakashi continued to push the chair towards him. “Yamato.”

They managed to use the proper names this time around.

“Gai-san,” he nodded at the other man.

“Oh! Yamato… if you are here, then…”

Yamato nodded again and turned to his senpai. “We need to talk.”

It was strange how much of a relief it was that they bumped into each other on the streets, and Yamato didn’t have to spend time with him, talking about work within four walls. He worried he had all these questions that could pour out of him if they were alone. As long as they were in public, Yamato was forced to be formal, and he was sure he would be fine with that.

Kakashi apologised to Gai and stepped away. 

“Something on your mind?” his senpai said, staring into his eyes.

“Several…,” maybe he overestimated how professional he could be. Kakashi’s lips curved under his mask. It was very faint, but Yamato saw it. He always did.

“Any of those things you can tell me right now?”

“One or two,” Yamato held back his own smile

“Then we will start with those.”

“First, don’t tell me you are only starting the day now.”

Kakashi raised his shoulder and let out a troubled exhale. “I had problems getting ready this morning.”

“I see.”

What did he mean by that? Kakashi wasn’t coming from his place, because the night before he had no vest on, and the apartment was on the other side of the village. He must have gone home, maybe that’s what he was trying to say.But as their eyes remained on one another, Yamato noticed something peculiar.

“You have sand on you, senpai.” Yamato’s forehead wrinkled. He reached out for Kakashi’s ear.

“Do I?” 

Kakashi made no attempts to stop him from touching the shell of his ear. Yamato rubbed it gently, even after it was already clear. It was warm, much warmer than his fingers. He kept staring, Kakashi did the same. The gesture didn’t go unnoticed, however. When he pulled his hand away,he realised that Gai was glaring at them with a raised brow. 

“So…,” Yamato held a fist over his mouth and cleared his throat. “I would like to request a tracking team.”

“I’m assuming you lost him last night.”

“I can’t keep eyes on him 24/7 on my own,” Yamato said, wanting to tell the Hokage he was partially to blame, if not entirely, but Gai had all eyes and ears on them now. 

“I’ll assemble a team of ANBU. It’s best if this gets dealt with as soon as possible without attracting too much attention. Let’s head to the office and I’ll summon the ninken.”

“I’ll wait at the village gates. My clone found tracks just outside the walls, I would like to investigate further, as soon as possible,” besides, it was best if they stopped interacting under Gai’s watchful eyes.

“I’m counting on you,” Kakashi said and planted a hand on Yamato’s shoulder. 

That touch was nothing new. His senpai had done it countless times, apart for the gentle squeeze and the way the hand slid down his arm afterwards. Maybe that was how he’d always done it. But Yamato never paid much attention. But like the night before when their fingers bumped, every little graze was much more noticeable now.

Kakashi leaned closer and shielded his mouth from other’s as he whispered. Even before he said anything, the hairs on the back of Yamato’s neck stood straight, sending shivers down his body. “There is a bite mark on your jaw peeking through, you should pull your top up a little,” Kakashi stepped back and returned to his friend. “Let’s go, Gai.” 

The two went past him and Yamato quickly tugged his collar up, higher than it was meant to go. His face was warm as his fingers brushed against it. If there was really a mark there, and Kakashi wasn’t teasing him, then other people had already seen it. 

He peered over his shoulder as the other two set off to the Academy. _Why did he have sand in his ear?_

  
…

  
Gai rolled his wheelchair next to him, staring from the corner of his eyes. Kakashi could see it but said nothing. He was trying to hide his amusement at the mark on Tenzō’s face. It was a real shame he couldn’t stay longer to see if he had blushed.

“Say, Kakashi.” Gai finally said.

“Hm?” 

“You are different around Yamato than with most people.”

“I never noticed,” it wasn’t a lie either. It was possible that he was, even before they kissed months ago, but it was unintentional if he did. “But he is my kouhai.”

“You have other kouhai.”

“Well, he is my favourite one.”

Gai didn’t try to hide his grin. He already knew, Kakashi could tell.


	6. 2 Days to the Wedding: Sentiments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I could I would share my playlist for this chapter. I usually listen to music when I write (yep with lyrics... I'm dyslexic so it's pretty easy to ignore things XD) cos it plays such a big part in my mood.
> 
> I think this is my fave chapter so far (might not be a popular opinion tho)... but I'll discuss in the end notes cos I don't wanna spoil it.
> 
> PS: If there is anyone out there willing to help with editing/line editing, please drop me a note :)

The light far down the road flashed into his eyes again. Yamato reached into the back pouch for a shuriken, so tempted to toss it right at the bulb so it would stop flickering for good. Sitting on a tree for hours was already enough of a bother without having to put up with that kind of thing. He spun the weapon on his finger, just waiting for the next time.

He had only been in Konoha for two days, but the village life was already alien to him. After nearly 3 years in the middle of nowhere, observing from afar and almost always by himself, all those noises, lights and people got in the way. It wasn’t easy to keep focus, and he definitely didn’t want to waste another day chasing after the Sannin, playing into his games. Reason why he was the one there, while his clone finished the mission report. He would stay for now, while he had the energy.

Across the road, Orochimaru went through his routine. Reading, pacing, writing. Sometimes he left the room through the window, sat on the roof, went back in, read some more. He was likely bored. Being in Konoha doing nothing wasn’t enjoyable for a man like him. Without having his minions, his experiments, his lab. Why the hell did he even come? He couldn’t possibly have any interest in the wedding.

When Yamato asked him, the day they left the hideout, the Sannin grinned, said he was on holiday. There had to be something else in Konoha, or nearby area, that interested him. That, on its own, was alarming. A wedding as big as Naruto’s would be the right time for an attack, if he had plotted something. Everyone was busy preparing for the event he didn’t need to cause a distraction. It was already there. Just like when he attacked the village and killed the 3rd a few years back during the Chūnin exams. 

He jabbed the shuriken into the branch and rubbed the back of his neck. Maybe he was overthinking. Maybe it stressed him being in that social environment… or maybe it was the only way he could keep his thoughts away from Kakashi-senpai. 

Since he set a foot in the gates, Kakashi had been on his mind. Wanting to see him but, at the same time, weary of how being around him stirred all those feelings he had no idea how to deal with. When they were together, he was so drawn to him; it crushed him not to be able to touch him. And when they did… everything seemed so small, so irrelevant. Even the mission. It drained him having to focus on it, to prioritise his duties. Just as he sat there, knowing Kakashi was a short walk away from him… He missed him already.

Time passed. Orochimaru turned off his lights and laid on his bed. Yamato used his jutsu to widen the branch he was sitting on to give it a nice backrest. He had no intention to stay the night but, while he was there, making things a bit more comfortable didn’t hurt. He leaned back and looked up at the sky through the leaves. It was cold and cloudy, another excuse to leave as soon as he got tired and his clone had finished the work.

He held his hand over his mouth as he yawned. His finger brushed over that bite mark Kakashi said he saw. He tugged down the collar and rubbed his jaw and neck. There was nothing there, he would have seen it. Right? Kakashi was teasing him like always. He probably deserved it though, because he also bit his senpai a few times that night, and he hadn’t been gentle either. Yamato shook his head and pressed his lips together, trying not to smile at that.

There he was, thinking about them again. At this time, the day before, Yamato had been lying in bed with his senpai in his arms. As complicated as his feelings were, and unable to fully understand them, there was a moment of clarity when he held him. As if that was the one thing he knew he wanted. Because of his upbringing, his needs and wants were stripped from him so early that, despite being saved from the Root, he still struggled with knowing for sure what his desires were, if he had any. If he did, were they real or brought up by a concept he read or heard somewhere. But when Kakashi-senpai was close, when he leaned against him, needing something only he could give him, that’s when everything was clear.

Yamato wasn’t so young as to think he could have the Hokage in his life like that. But, if years passed, and he got to see him once or twice, every few months, then this mission wouldn’t be as bad. There would always be something to look forward to. Something to close his eyes to at night. A dream that from time to time became true. 

  
…  
  


The tree crackled and the branch he was sitting on swayed, but Yamato continued to gaze into the dark bedroom of the inn. A hand holding a cup lower in front of his eyes.

“Something to keep you awake.”

He reached for it and turned to his senpai, noticing that, despite smiling from behind the mask, his eyes showed more tiredness than usual. It must have been a busy day for Kakashi as well, even if all he did was sit in his office, or at least that’s what he figured his senpai’s day was like. Him being there for no reason made Yamato’s heartbeat a little faster.

“Thanks,” he said, bringing the warm cup to his lips. 

“Your clone told me where you were.”

“I know.”

“The relationship you have with your clones is a little weird,” Kakashi said in a playful tone and crouched beside him, resting an arm on Yamato’s shoulder for balance.

It wasn’t unusual for his senpai to be touchy-feely with him, but there was more about the way they touched each other now. It was as if every action had a subtext they were both trying to interpret. 

“Less weird than a shadow clone,” Yamato looked into the cup. “I don’t want versions of myself doing whatever they want without my knowledge.” It took Yamato a lot of training to perfect his wood clones. He was very proud of them, and because he was so proud, Kakashi always teased him.

“So controlling,” Kakashi said, “Besides, it’s not without knowledge.”

“Knowledge after the fact doesn’t count.” 

“Your clone refers to you in the third person.”

“If it didn’t, you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.” He turned to his senpai, stifling a smile. “It could cause all kinds of problems.”

“Hm.” Kakashi sat down and scooched closer, leaning his arm against Yamato’s side. “Not with me.”

“Especially with you.”

Kakashi side glanced at him, but Yamato continued to shift focus from the cup to the window. They sat there in silence for a while. He had so many questions and yet he couldn’t bring himself to ask them. It was disappointing that, even if sitting there with his senpai wasn’t awkward, Yamato couldn’t find the right words. The other also said nothing. Was it because he had nothing to say? It was the first time they were alone after what they did. The first time he was seeing Kakashi through his wall after he allowed Yamato to get so close.

“So he decided to stop playing hide and seek with you,” Kakashi said and took the cup from Yamato’s hand, pulling his mask down to take a sip.

“With Orochimaru you never know, but for now…,” he said and pursed his lips, reaching for the cup and failing to grasp it as Kakashi stretched his arm the other way, “he seems to have calmed down. I still can’t put my finger on why he is here though, so that worries me.” Yamato grabbed his senpai’s sleeve and tugged. “If you could spare that team again tomorrow, it would help, for surveillance mostly.” He tugged again. “Didn’t you bring that for me?”

“I never said that.” Kakashi nudged Yamato away with his elbow and took another sip. His mask slid further down and the bites to his face showed clearly, illuminated by the lights still on in the streets below them.

Yamato pulled back and instead of going for the cup, went for the marks, poking at them. “Rokudaime-sama, what happened to your face?”

Kakashi leaned away from him and rubbed a palm over the bites. “I was beaten by a wild animal.”

“Oh, like…,” he tried to think of a cool and imposing one to represent himself, “a wolf.”

“No, something small, feeble and unthreatening, like a squirrel,” Kakashi said and looked away as he snorted.

Yamato bursted out, covering his mouth to muffle the sounds of his laughter. Kakashi turned to him with one of the rarest smiles he had ever seen in his senpai’s face. The corner of his eyes so wrinkled they were almost closed. It was so candid. Yamato would have never thought something so silly could bring Kakashi to show himself like that. It warmed him inside, and he couldn’t take his eyes off of him. He couldn’t stop laughing either, little tears gathered and he wiped them with the back of his finger.

“You’re so funny sometimes, senpai.” Yamato calmed himself, but still chuckled. He touched the side of his own face. “Did you really see a mark on me?”

Kakashi reached out a hand and pinched Yamato’s collar down and touched right under the jaw. “There,” he said, sliding his hand to cup Yamato’s face and rub the pad of his thumb along the bite. 

His cheeks suddenly felt a little warmer. _Is he going to kiss me?_ Yamato thought, or maybe wished, but his senpai withdrew his hand. It was disappointing, but he didn’t want to let that show. “By the way, why did you have sand on you earlier?”

“That reminds me…,” Kakashi said, changing the subject and handing him the cup, “You really need to do something about your apartment. It’s like you’re squatting there.”

“Nah, it’s fine.” Yamato finished drinking and put the cup down. He had no genuine connection to that place, apart from the fresh memories he had just made there. Maybe he could make that place more presentable. “I would much rather be in an inn, if I’m honest.”

“I can’t hide in an inn.” 

Yamato turned to him and sighed. “I made you a tree house already, now you want my apartment too? I’ll see what I get for my birthday this year, then I’ll think about it.”

“I’m good with one property. Just put some food in the cupboard.”

“But I’m hardly ever in Konoha, and even now that I am here, I’m too busy. It would all go to waste. I just eat out.”

Kakashi watched him for a moment, but Yamato ignored him, until he shifted and rested back onto Yamato’s side, slouching on the widened branch, looking at the distance.

“Senpai...”

“Hm?”

“You have a life here. Mine is that,” Yamato said, gesturing with his head towards the inn. 

“That,” Kakashi pointed at it, “can’t be all there is, Tenzō.”

No one had ever questioned his dedication and commitment to his missions. Yamato didn’t keep scores, but he was sure his track record in the ANBU and thereafter, was only second to Kakashi’s. “It doesn’t bother me, I told you before.”

“You did, but I still don’t believe you. It’s cruel that all you have done in the last 3 years is to watch over him. It would have been bad enough if it was anyone else.”

Yamato’s brows gathered, but he continued to watch the room. That was something he tried not to ponder on. Orochimaru was a dangerous ninja, and it was his mission to monitor him. If his past played any part in this, then it would be to ensure Orochimaru didn’t do to another person what he did to him.

“I wouldn’t have assigned you to this mission, and if you had accepted, I would have pulled you from it last year.”

“And that would have been a terrible decision, which is why you didn’t make it. It had nothing to do with whether I wanted to come back to Konoha or not.” Part of him was bitter that Kakashi changed his mind back then and now was pushing the blame onto him for not staying. “Anyway, I don’t really remember what he did to me. I was too young.”

It wasn’t in his nature to lie, especially not to Kakashi, but much like his senpai, Yamato was unforthcoming about his past. They had known each other for a long time, and neither of them ever asked more than what the other was willing to share. An unspoken understanding between them.

“I was 5 when my father took his own life. I was the one who found him, and I remember it vividly to this day.”

Like most of his generation, Yamato knew about it. The village did its best to hide a lot of its dark history. Shaming and disgracing Hatake Sakumo being one of the many stains they covered up. While Kakashi had mentioned his father’s suicide before, it was always with an air of detachment, like talking about someone else’s family, or a story he read in a book. Although he wasn’t saying much even now, Yamato felt guilty for masking over the truth. Nevertheless, he didn’t know where to start. How to speak about something he dissociated himself from for so long? 

“I don’t know why you would be interested in listening to what happened. It will only make you feel worse that I’m on this mission.”

“That’s why I need to know. I don’t want to be the one who repeats the mistakes of the past.”

It still didn’t make it easier for Yamato. He rubbed his temple and shut his eyes briefly. It hurt his head trying to remember, and it hurt his stomach whenever flashes of it came to his mind.

“I’m aware that he was the one who took me, wiped whatever past I had; experimented on me, over and over, then left me in a tank like just another of his failures.” If there hadn’t been documents about it all, Yamato would’ve never been able to tell how long he was in that lab for, and if it wasn’t for Danzō, he would have been forgotten. 

Kakashi peered at him over his shoulder. Yamato glanced back at him, but it was hard enough to talk about without having to watch his senpai’s reaction, so he ran a hand over his face and turned to the streetlight that began to flicker again.

“It wasn’t so bad sometimes. There were so many of us, I thought that’s what life was like. Orochimaru himself hardly came by, only when someone died, and even then it was brief. Someone else came for the bodies.” It happened so fast. He saw all of them, one by one, burst from inside out. “I can’t imagine it hurt…,” he shook his head, “hm, maybe that’s a weird thing to say, but one moment they were moving and then the next they were gone, the tank was gone. I know what it means now, but back then I didn’t understand what was happening to them. I just waited for my turn.” Then suddenly he was alone and still waiting. “I remember thinking, is it today, is it now? I wanted it to happen already, but I thought, if there’s nobody to see you die, then have you even been alive in the first place? So I just kept on living out of fear of never existing.” 

Danzō told him he was 1 out of 60, that they all perished for the power he now had. For that reason he had to cherish his life. Yamato had been living for himself and another 59 ever since. 

“I would kill him if I could, but this is what I can do now, so I’m fine with it.”

“Hm…” Kakashi looked away again.

“I see the past different from you, senpai.” Yamato continued, “I can’t remember what I lost, so all I have is what I was given. I’m not scared if no one sees me die anymore. Shinobi die alone, it’s just how our lives are. We give it our all to complete our mission. Danzō taught me that.”  


  
…  
  


_Shinobi die alone._ Kakashi didn’t want to hear something like that. There was some true to it, but no matter how many people he lost, the important ones, apart from his father, had the people they love with them. It brought Kakashi little to no comfort knowing that, but maybe for the ones who left, it meant something. Tenzō still had so much of the Root’s ideology within him. The obsession with the mission, everything else came second, including himself. Kakashi had been driven by his orders before, but it only made him more miserable.

“But you taught me that shinobi give their life to protect the people important to them. This is what I’ve been doing. You don’t agree with me, senpai?”

So he did sway Tenzō’s views. Then why did it bother him so much? “Doesn’t matter if I don’t,” he said with concern in his tone, as if the other still didn’t understand. Kakashi couldn’t blame him though, because the other was right, but he just couldn’t accept it. “This mission you will never complete, it will outlive you.”

“I never thought of it like that,” Tenzo said and hummed for a moment and seemed to consider it, “I suppose you’re right, and if anyone can see it through is me. Being in Konoha at this stage is just not for me anymore… with my past and all, I’m not for peaceful village life.”

“Are you going to have me spend my term as Hokage trying to convince you otherwise? I can’t bear the idea of you throwing your life away for this.”

“Senpai…”

“My past is just as dark, but at one point you must realise that there is more.” An idea that sounded great, but also one that seemed so unattainable, for him most of all. It was hypocritical of him, but still, “I wouldn’t want to be alone away on a mission for the rest of my life.”

“You won’t.” Tenzō said so promptly he almost interrupted him, “If all fails in your life, you still have me. No matter what.”

“Are you going to get all sentimental now?” Kakashi straightened his back and looked at him.

Yamato chuckled “It’s not sentimentality, it’s just a fact. I would even die for you, senpai.”

Kakashi furrowed his brows, taken aback by the other’s unreserved statement. It was almost like a punch in the stomach. How could Tenzō, someone who had been by his side for so long, not notice that he was done with people dying around him?

“You spared and saved me, I’m not sure why that surprises you.”

It didn’t really, but it sure irritated him. “You don’t need to feel indebted. Besides, I can’t live knowing someone else died for me.”

“That may be,” Tenzō said, his tone becoming more persistent as Kakashi rejected it. “But I’ll allow myself to be selfish for once.”

“I’m not worth it.” His father, Obito, Rin, Minato-sensei, Itachi, the man across from them he couldn’t kill, who took Sasuke from his team, all the others he couldn’t save, and even Tenzō, who was captured and he did nothing about it. He failed in life so much more than he succeeded. Being Hokage didn’t make up for any of his past. It could have been Shikamaru, he just happened to be renowned, that’s all. Of all people, he wanted Tenzō to see him the way he saw himself, his true self. The scum that he really was.  
  
“I lost you once,… you died, remember? And I just don’t want to live in a world that doesn’t have you in it.”

Kakashi shook his head, “Why?” It was a rhetorical question that passed his lips with no intent.

“I don’t know…,” Tenzō said with a pause, long enough for him to take a breath, “I guess I love you.”

The far away light flickered. It caught Kakashi’s eyes, and he blinked, turning away from it. From him. He was quiet for a short moment, a moment that, for him, dragged as he tried to keep his breathing under control, his body from tensing, his heart from racing. It wasn’t pounding like it sometimes did around Tenzō. It was closer to when he found himself surrounded by enemies.

“Don’t,” he said, feeling the back of his stiff shoulder, pressing his finger into his muscles.

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t do either of those things, I don’t need you to waste your life.” And if Tenzō was capable of having and expressing such feelings, then he should focus them elsewhere. 

“Isn’t that up to me?”

“I saved you for a reason, not for you to throw it away.” Loving him was the same as throwing it at a brick wall and hoping it returned the affection. 

“I’m sitting on a tree, watching an immortal ninja,” Tenzō said. Kakashi expected him to sound sorrowful like others did when he rejected them in the past, but instead, he was getting aggravated. “You just said I was throwing my life away!”

“This is different.” It had to be. 

“How? You can’t make up your mind, senpai. You tell me to stay, to have a dream, then you tell me to go. You kiss me, then you… you don’t talk to me for 6 months! How long would it be before I saw you again if this wedding wasn’t up, if I hadn’t followed my mission here, a year?”

“Tenzō…”

“And I would be fine with another year, two, whatever. I didn’t care. But when I’m here, you do it again. You stir things up. You just told me I would die in this mission because it will never end. Then how is this wasting my life? How is that any different?”

“Because as much as I don’t want you to waste your life for a mission, I can’t deny that you are needed.” Now the words were pouring out of him too and he couldn’t stop them, not even if they hurt him. No. He wanted to hurt him. Tenzō had to know. “Whereas, I don’t need you to love me.”

“I didn’t think you needed it, I just–“

“You’re not the first to want that from me, but… I can’t.” That wasn’t the way to make atonement for all his mistakes, he couldn’t take that path and forget all that he left behind.

Tenzō crossed his legs, rested his elbow on a knee and the chin into his palm. Kakashi understood since he had walls of his own, and he just forced the other to raise his. 

“You should know better than to think I was asking something of you, senpai.”

“Right…,” Kakashi said and stood up. His chest throbbed, chills went through his body, squeezing him from the inside. “Because I can’t do this otherwise.” It was an unbearable pain.   
  
“Then maybe you shouldn’t.”

Indeed. Maybe he shouldn’t. Maybe he shouldn’t have kissed, leaned, slept on him, sought him out for comfort. He shouldn’t, and he knew while he was going through it all that he shouldn’t. But he did anyway. Even now, when he should regret it all, he couldn’t. What the fuck was he doing? Who did he think he was? Love was for other people. He didn’t need love. He lived his life without love. He was fine without love. Yet, his arms ached as he held back from touching Tenzō’s head. He hurt him, but he still wanted to be close to him. 

_Not now._ Kakashi leaned down and picked up the empty cup. “Don’t stay awake the whole night.” Tenzō pulled the shuriken from the tree but didn’t reply. Kakashi suppressed any other words and thoughts. He jumped off the tree and walked away, against the heaviness in his chest.

Sounds of glass shattering echoed through the streets, and that flickering streetlight far behind him finally died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a big fan of internal conflict cos love is a complicated thing to start with. Letting others in is hard. I always imagive Kakashi as being someone who is so scared of feeling anything because there is such a thin line between happiness and agony that if the past had fucked you up, you can't really tell where the line in. That's why, for me, when Yamato doesn't say something is because he doesn't know how rather than not wanting to.


	7. 1 Day to the Wedding: Hypocrisy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna thank my friend Maggie for helping me out with this chapter. I don't believe it would get done without her. <3 But it's 1am and I just finished editing, so tomorrow morning I'll see the damage XD.

* * *

The chirping echoed through the vast dark forest, dampening the drumming of his heart. Shadows flickered with flashes of the lightning coming off his hand, bouncing off the trees as he rushed past them. He mouthed to himself. _I’m too late. I’m too late._

He grabbed his right wrist and raised his heavy arm when the forest opened into a wide battleground. It reeked of earth and blood. The familiarity of that sight, of that smell, made his heart slam against his ribs. It’s coming, that dreaded moment. It happened every time. Over and over. Air spurt out of his lungs. What he was about to do,… if only he could put his arm down. If only he had listened. _I can’t…_ It was inevitable… _I can’t stop, someone, please…_

But his body kept going. The chirping muffled by the brief moment his arm pierced through the frail figure before him. The deafening sound of her chest bones crushing. Her eyes widened. _Kakashi._ Blood gushed from her mouth with his name. _Kakashi._ Her insides ran between his fingers, dripping down his elbow. Her heart beat one last time against his arm. 

The light in her vanished. The promise he made broken, like her body. 

_Kakashi…_

_Kakashi…_

  
…  
  


His eyes shot open and he sprang up on the bed, yanking the mask of his face, almost tearing it at the seams as he gasped for air. Just a dream, that dream. He wiped the sweat off his forehead with the back of his left hand; the right laid trembling on his lap. How long had it been since he woke up like this? 

“Not now…,” he said under quivering breath.

That dream haunted him every night, for years, then every other night. He learned to live with it until it stopped being so frequent, but it came back, every now and again. It would never go away for good. A punishment he had long accepted, so he wouldn’t forget Rin. So he always remembered the heap of mistakes he had to atone for in his life before he could finally find peace.  
  
He held his shaky hand and hesitated to closed his eyes, fearing he would see her again like he always did. But it was Tenzōs face that he saw. 

_‘I would even die for you.’_

His heart stopped for a second or two.

_‘I guess I love you.’_

How could Tenzō say something like that so casually? To him, of all people. If he knew those words were coming, he would have stopped him, like he did Rin. She tried to tell him, but he already knew, so he didn’t let her. Not because he was incapable of returning that sort of affection, maybe with time, but had it been up to him, he would have left her to die back then. Someone like that–like him–was undeserving of love. 

It happened so long ago. Kakashi changed a lot, at least he liked to believe he had. He’d never been without emotion. He wasn’t the cold-hearted killer others liked to think. Life would have been so much easier for him if he was, especially after Rin was gone, he wished he was and even tried to be. The reputation kept people and friends away, and it helped him shut them out. He’d rather hide behind his ANBU mask and go on assassination missions than sitting at a dango shop, chatting away.

Other people had the courage to declare their feelings for him in the past, but were all met with a blunt rejection and he went on about his day like nothing had happened. So him having that nightmare, forced to stare at the ceiling in the middle of the night could only be Tenzō’s fault. 

Kakashi pulled the mask over his face and laid down on the bed, rubbing the palm with his thumb. 

_‘I would die for you… I love you.’_

“Idiot…” 

Both of them. Tenzō for catching him off guard, and Kakashi himself for walking away. If only he had said nothing and just sat there… But no, he turned into his old self, and since he didn’t know what to do, he said what he was used to. He hurt him because it was easier, but when Tenzō shut him out, his chest sank into his stomach. Kakashi saw now that he probably hurt Rin back then too. Just because she didn’t get to say it, didn’t mean her feelings stopped existing. He hurt her so deeply, she didn’t react like Tenzō did, she just never mentioned it again in the short time they had together. He didn’t have the chance to tell her that maybe one day he could have loved her back, when the war was over and he had kept his promise, when he was finally worthy of it. But like that, she was gone and that day never came.

But Tenzō wasn’t Rin. He didn’t accept Kakashi’s rejection and he doubted that next time they saw each other everything would be the same. How could it? They weren’t children, there were no wars and _… well… I was the one who kissed you._

Whenever he had that dream, it was a night lost, and to make it worse, now he saw Tenzō’s face and heard his voice while awake. Kakashi sat on his bed again and reached for the clock, with his hand still shaking. It was past 2am, there was a lot of night to go. He got up, put on a shirt, a vest, and despite the drizzly night, left his house intending to visit the Memorial. That’s where he always went after that dream. But as he stood there, looking down at Obito’s name on the stone, that place wasn’t where he wanted to be. After an apology to his old teammate, he jumped from roof to roof, on a completely different route, and found himself sliding open the window to Tenzō’s bedroom. 

Before Kakashi’s feet hit the ground, crackling sounds broke silence and multiple wood branches launched towards him, wrapping around his body and pinning him on the corner between the wall and the ceiling.

“It’s me, Tenzō!” 

“Kakashi… senpai…?” He put him safely on the floor and withdrew his jutsu.

Kakashi rubbed his wrists. “Maybe I should have knocked.”

“You think?” His brows furrowed. “I could have hurt you, senpai.”

“I wasn’t in any danger.”

“Did you come here to be arrogant?” Tenzo said, not hiding his irritation, and sat on the bed before looking at the time, “It’s almost three, did something happen?”

He took off his shoes. “No.” He couldn’t tell him he had a bad dream without sounding like an even bigger asshole for what he did earlier? Yet, there he was, seeking him out again for that soothing touch only Tenzō could give him. “I wasn’t planning on coming here.”

“Then why _are_ you here?”

“I can’t sleep.” The other said nothing. He just watched as Kakashi approached the bed, invading his personal space despite the look on his face. 

“And that’s my problem how?”

It was his problem because it was his fault. But he couldn’t say that either. “I’m just so tired.” Tired of so many things he had no control over. He flumped on the floor, leaned against the bed and dropped his head back. He was trash, pulling something like this, but that dream was still fresh in his mind. That dream and Tenzō’s face. If he had to see it in his thoughts, then he might as well be there looking at the real thing.

  
…  
  


What was he supposed to do with that? Any other time, it would’ve been fine. Any other crappy excuse Kakashi-senpai came up to get something from him. They were all fine. But not that night.   
  
Yamato never wanted a relationship, he never once needed his senpai to give him anything more than what he wanted to give. Those words, he didn’t say them with any underline intentions or expectations, they just left his lips. If Kakashi hadn’t been so stubborn and accepted that he also wanted to protect him, then he wouldn’t have said them in the first place. It was implied, wasn’t it? It was implied in everything that he had ever done for him and with him. Those words never needed to be said, only that they did, because Kakashi was so intelligent and yet so daft. Yamato didn’t throw them on the table out of nowhere, he did because Kakashi brought him coffee when he didn’t have to. Because he joked and smiled so openly. Because his guard was down and because those words were true. It took years, kisses and having his senpai in his arms for Yamato to accept that he had been in love for a long time. But it was Kakashi who shoved that truth in his face, so it only angered him more when he denied it. And coming to him in the middle of the night was a proof of his bullshit. 

His heart throbbed in his chest. He raised a hand and was about to shove his senpai’s off his bed, but stopped when a droplet ran from the tip of his silver strand onto the sheets. _Damn it!_ His hand hovered. His hair was damp, so it was raining. He came all the way in the rain for what? For this? A sorry in the morning would’ve sufficed. Yamato glanced down at him. Kakashi’s eyes were already closed and his breathing slow. Was he really falling asleep?

“Senpai.” Yamato touched his shoulder, the vest also damp, “You’re getting my sheets wet.”

“I just want to close my eyes for a bit.”

Yamato took a deep breath. _I need another drink_. “That’s fine, but you’re also going to get sick if you sleep like that.”

“Would you rather I stripped? I can do that.”

Make it two. A minimum of two drinks… if there was still any left. “I don’t care. Just… don’t stay on the floor all soaked, you looked pitiful,” and it only annoyed him further. “I have to sleep too, and I can’t if you’re like this.”

Kakashi pulled away from the bed and removed his vest, his shirt and top, and didn’t bother standing up to stripped down to his underwear. Without an invitation, he crawled into the bed as if it was his, pulled the blankets and stole his pillow. Yamato got to his feet straight away, jumped over the clothes on the floor, and made it to the window to shut it. It was only a light rain, so Kakashi must have been outside for a while. Why?… But Instead of asking he just looked at him, lying there, almost naked. His throat knotted. What would happen if he joined him? If Kakashi wanted to take more than his pillow? What would he do then, hug him and pretend that what he said didn’t piss him off? He was so in love with that person and yet he wanted to grab him and throw him out, in the rain, naked, until he got his shit together.

“Tenzō,” 

Yamato jolted.

Kakashi opened his eyes, “I thought you had to sleep.”

“I’m…” He couldn’t do it, “getting a glass of water,” and by water he meant anything with alcohol in it. He quickly left the room.

  
…  
  


Maybe if they kept it just physical, Yamato considered. He opened the cupboard and took the bottle of sake, already two thirds gone from earlier in the evening, to pour himself another drink. It would work just fine. His senpai could keep lying to himself about his feelings, and eventually Yamato would go back to hiding his own, just like before. Since Kakashi didn’t need his love, then he wouldn’t give him any. They could get their physical needs out of their system from time to time, he could focus on his mission, Kakashi could continue being Hokage and doing whatever the hell he did all day. No harm done. 

The cup overflowed onto his fingers. “Damn it…” he was still tipsy since Kakashi didn’t allow him to sleep it off. He sipped some, patted the hand on his boxers, and filled up the rest.

No harm done. To whom? Not him, he was good with the way things were. He chugged it, put down the empty cup and bottle on the kitchen counter then looked at the sofa. There was no energy left in him to return to the bedroom, so he sat down and looked out into the rainy night. That was the same sofa where this got complicated. He laid down and closed his eyes. It had been nothing before, it was still nothing now, so why care? Kakashi wouldn’t accept his love, but he didn’t have to… in a day, neither of them had to deal with any of this. 

As his eyelids got heavy, the room spun and his mind drifted off.

“Tenzō…?” 

The call came from the bedroom door followed by a shuffling noise. Yamato sat up, trying to figure out if he was awake or dreaming when Kakashi emerged with his hair all messy from drying on the pillow. 

That man, hunched, dragging his feet towards him, broke him. It could have happened a long time ago, who knew? Yamato sure didn’t, but he was broken alright, because after all this, he still wanted to please him, hold him, let him know that he was there for him, that he could lean on him whenever, for whatever. With each step, he shattered further. If only he could hold onto some little pieces of himself, this time,… this time Kakashi wouldn’t get away with this. 

He reached out his hand. “Sleep with me.”

“What?”

“I just wanna sleep.”

Just sleep. When they _just slept_ Yamato had his arms around him the whole night, not letting him stray an inch from him. When they _just slept_ he saw how deep he had fallen, and whether Kakashi came over for his own benefit or not, Yamato would still do what his senpai wanted in the end.Anything for a praise, for a smile. What a pushover. But until that evening, Kakashi never said or did anything to hurt him, not intentionally, so he let him take advantage of his adoration freely. But now…

The hand still out for him stretched further, begging to be taken. Yamato looked at it. It seemed unsteady. Strange. The other didn’t budge and the hand wasn’t going anywhere, so Yamato gave in and took it. Just sleep, no more than sleep. Kakashi laced their fingers together and tugged him up. Yamato swallowed thickly. They had done much more than hold hands, but this was different. They walked back to the bedroom, Kakashi paced backwards, leading him, and sat by the edge of the bed.

“What you doin’?” Yamato slurred, looking down. He kept the words dry and his forehead wrinkled, maybe too much, but he had to be stern, if not by his actions, he would at least look and sound like it. He could do that much.

Kakashi leaned in, his lips pressed softly against Yamato’s exposed stomach. His breath hitched. He couldn’t do this, whatever Kakashi’s motives were. After he told him not to care, not to love him. How could he just come over like a wounded animal needing the one thing he just told him he didn’t need? 

“You’re a hypocrite.”

“Replace hedonistic from my list of flaws with that then.”

Yamato shut his eyes briefly, his brows still gathered, but Kakashi parted his lips and ran his tongue along the lines of his abs. Yamato hand went straight for the back of his senpai’s head, fingers wrapped around the damp silver strands to pull his head back. 

“Don’t–” Yamato said, but forgot the rest once his eyes locked on Kakashi’s. That look. Regret? Guilt? Was he trying to apologise? If he was, than that was a terrible way of doing so. The strands were tightly tangled within his fingers and it couldn’t be comfortable, yet, Kakashi didn’t complain, he just stared. Maybe he thought he deserved it. He would take anything not to be alone. So, his anger he could accept. Did he think so little of himself?

He let go of the hair. _Fuck it._ His hand stayed on the back of Kakashi’s head as he leaned in to plant kisses on his bare skin, moving down over the fabric of his boxers. Yamato inhaled sharply as Kakashi mouthed over his shaft. 

That was unfair because now he was getting aroused, and he wanted to keep being angry, he wanted to show his senpai that if this was just physical, if feelings weren’t involved, then he couldn’t come wearing that vulnerability–Yamato was always desperate to see–on his sleeve. He shut his eyes.

It was all he did. But not looking at his senpai was enough. As much as he wanted to throw him out of the apartment, he would do it after, when he had slept, when he could make sense of things. He would then make sure Kakashi knew that he was aware of his manipulation. He did it all the time. After this, he would show him. He wasn’t a toy; he wasn’t…

“Uhh…” the moan rolled out of his lips. He looked down, feeling Kakashi’s teeth over the fabric as he mouth the head. _Shit._ Kakashi tugged his boxers down. His tongue was out. Yamato couldn’t quiet down his breathing. He dragged the tongue along Yamato’s length. His body became hot in an instant.

The room was dark apart from the outside lights bouncing in through the windows, but Yamato saw everything, even if the alcohol hadn’t left his body yet. His senpai’s tongue, soft and wet, gliding slowly as if to tease him. One of his hands was still laced with Kakashi’s, the other moved away from the hair and held onto his shoulder. He needed help keeping some of his weight off his legs because the room was spinning a little, and his knees could cave in at any time.

Kakashi’s lips brushed over the head. Yamato gasped, clinging even tighter to him. _God_. He groaned again, louder. Kakashi took the head into his mouth.

“S-senpai…” 

That was bad. Yamato was losing control when minutes ago he had been so dedicated to his anger. It wasn’t easy for him to accept his own feelings either, because they didn’t matter in the life of a shinobi like him. But Kakashi changed him. He reached inside him like a hook and drew them out, but he was taking no responsibility for them. And now this, what was this?

Kakashi sucked him harder. Yamato grew bigger into his mouth, to the point the other couldn’t take all of him anymore. His knees almost buckled and his finger dug deeper into the other’s shoulder. Kakashi pulled back and their eyes met again.

“Why’re you doing this?” Yamato said, weak, almost out of breath.

But Kakashi just looked at him, his eyes so narrowed, so tired, he could hardly make it past his lashes. At that point, he didn’t care why. An apology, him expressing his feelings, or a goodbye, one last night of intimacy before it was all over. None of it mattered. _Fuck,_ _I love you._ And he would die for him, just like he said, and those were the only things that really had any meaning.

They stared at each other for what it felt like a really long time rather than seconds. Kakashi still didn’t reply, and instead, he held Yamato at the base and took him into his mouth again, and again. The tip of his tongue trailed the slit whenever Kakashi pulled back, drawing languish moans out of him.

The rush of his heart as he watched, not quite believing it. Yamato didn’t want it to end but he wasn’t going to last. He placed his palm on Kakashi’s forehead and pushed him back, unable to voice that he was going to come. But Kakashi bated off the hand and sucked him faster. Yamato held onto his hair, lighter this time, and looked at the ceiling, his hips thrusted forward as he came into his mouth. He panted so heavily, trying to catch his breath, waiting for his heart to calmed down, but it wasn’t easy when his senpai continued to lick him. He envisioned his first time doing this quite differently, there was a lot more lust and a lot less hurt, possibly. 

The ceiling was spinning a little less now that he found a spot to focus on. His boxers were pulled back up, a sign that they were going no further, somewhat a relief. There was nothing else for Yamato to give him. If their fingers hadn’t been so tightly entwined from the moment Kakashi brought him back to the bedroom, if his mind wasn’t buzzed from the sake, he would have, perhaps, stepped away. What was he going to say now? He couldn’t even look at Kakashi, until the other’s arm went around him, and he leaned his head against Yamato’s stomach. 

If only he would tell him what was wrong and why he was really there. Yamato look down and touched Kakashi’s hair, fingers buried into it, and the hand brushed down to the back of his neck. 

“I need to sleep,” Yamato said instead. Despite the gentle touch, his tone was as cold as he could possibly make it, it hurt him to hear it off his mouth when what he wanted was to get on his knees, cup that face, kiss him.

“Are you going to tell me to leave?”

Could he say yes? He wanted to say yes, to be that strong, that mean. He really did. “Do whatever you like, isn’t that what you always do?”

Kakashi remained as he was for a while, then finally let go of his hand and pulled away. “I did come here to sleep.” 

“What’s wrong with your own bed?” Yamato sat down, as far from Kakashi as possible without looking like he was avoiding him on purpose.

“My past.”

Like always, he gave away very little. Yamato wished that both of them were more outspoken about those things. All the baggage, weighing on him still no matter how much time passed. If only he shared some of it, Yamato would have helped him carry. But he didn’t want to carry or care that night. 

“You didn’t have to do all this.” 

“Didn’t you like it? Sounded like you did.”

Well, at least Kakashi succeeded in keeping him pissed off. “That’s beyond the point.” Yamato closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I think you should shut up and sleep before you make this bed your past too.”

That was it. He was so done and couldn’t look at Kakashi any longer. Without opening his eyes, he rolled on the bed to his side and pulled the blankets over himself, putting an end to that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And you thought Kakashi was being bad earlier! But at I got to torture him a little...? Hope that count~ I'm totally Team Tenzō, so I'm glad he is standing his ground.... sort off >.>
> 
> Here for the truely said part. I don't believe I will be able to post another chapter next weekend. I'm working this weekend and possibly overtime next week. I hate leaving them like this, so I'll do my best... but there is also Nanowrimo in a week or so, so it's likely that, even if I get chapter 8 before the end of this month, chapter 9 might not come until later in December. :(


	8. 1 Day to the Wedding: Passive Aggressive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2021! 
> 
> I have returned! Thanks you so much for everyone one who waited for this and my honest apologies for the 3 weeks delay. It feels longer since it's another years now! I was sick for 3 weeks between November and December then had a lot of work, and busy days. I was also burned out, trying to beat Nanowrimo while in pain.
> 
> This chapter is a little long and slow, but I wanted to write it all. :) Hope you enjoy it. Again, thanks for the messages when I was away, worrying about me :)
> 
> PS: Beta didn't have the chance to proof read it, so you know what that means XD

“Oh, and I was thinking…”

Kakashi reached for his tea as Iruka finally stopped pacing from side to side in front of his desk. It had been at least fifteen minutes of him rambling about the wedding, how much Naruto meant to him, how significant and life changing this was to him.

He put the cup down after a sip, hoping that Iruka had just got tired of fidgeting as much as he was tired of listening to it all. 

“Which is why I came to see you, actually,” Iruka planted his hands on the desk and leaned over. “The reason why the tables haven’t been moved to the cherry blossom field yet. Is because we don’t have enough hands to help? I can round up the older kids from the academy, I’m sure they can move the furniture from the hall in a few hours. And everything can be ready for the rehearsal at 4pm.”

_Move tables?_ Kakashi blinked a couple of times, his eyes prickly from his lack of sleep. Was he that tired that Iruka-sensei stopped making sense to him?

“Hold on. You want to move the tables from the hall? That’s impossible, those are bolted,” Kakashi said, trying to keep those eyes open. “Besides, most of it is set already.”

The expression in Iruka’s face was a mix exaltation and urgency, and now, also despair. His lips parted in shock. “But Hokage-sama—”

“Drop the _Hokage-sama_ already.”

Iruka’s face took a light shade of red. “Um… I’m sorry, Kakashi-san, but we’ve agreed to this days ago! The cherry blossoms are blooming earlier this year, it’s meant to be.”

Kakashi furrowed his brows. “I don’t recall.”

“The day before yesterday?” Iruka persisted, leaning further towards Kakashi. “We had a scheduled meeting and everything. I didn’t think you would agree, to be honest, but you did. You said it was a great idea.”

Two days ago? Right. That was when Tenzō returned to Konoha and they saw each other for the first time in months. They kissed, got aroused, Tenzō escaped with a boner out the window. So that was it? Kakashi did recall agreeing to something that made Iruka-sensei leave his office with a huge smile in his face, he simply forgot what he had agreed to. 

Instead of going back in his words and sounding like he was going senile, Kakashi simply nodded. “Well, it was raining yesterday. Are you sure the cherry blossoms are still there?” Hopefully, they wouldn’t be and this conversation could end now.

“I saw them this morning. It was only a drizzle. Today is sunny and warm, the ground will be dry in no time.”

“I suppose this needs to be done quickly then,” Kakashi said and grabbed his tea, only to put it down again as it was empty. “There are other deliveries arriving this afternoon.”

“The stage will be delivered straight there, I’ve arranged that already. But we do need the tables and chairs for the rehearsal.” Iruka nodded, clearly talking more to himself than to Kakashi “I’ll make sure everything is done,” he said with a deep breath, “everything will be just fine.”

“Stressed?” 

“You can tell?”

Anyone could tell. Iruka-sensei didn’t hide his feelings very well, he was the type to wear his heart on his sleeves. In the past, Kakashi disliked that about him, it got in the way of his job, he doted on his students who were meant to become soldiers and got unreasonably attached. Even for a teacher, it seemed too much at the time, but he understood Iruka better now, and even wished he could be a little like that sometimes. So, Kakashi simply nodded and looked down at the sheets of paper on his desk — preparation notes, charts, to-do list.

“I guess there is no helping it. Naruto is family to me, like a little brother but I never thought he saw me as anything other than a teacher,” Iruka said and Kakashi didn’t have to look to know the other was smiling. “You’re in a similar position, Kakashi-san, but maybe you can deal with stress a lot better.”

“Not always.” He just bottled up. “I simply didn’t get enough sleep. It’s harder to get stressed when you don’t have the energy to do so. You should go and take those tables up the hill.”

Iruka chuckled and inhaled deeply before thanking him again — for some reason — and leaving the office. Kakashi would have been a little more anxious about the wedding itself if he hadn’t been so preoccupied with his personal life. A _personal life_ ,… he never would have thought this to be an issue for him. 

He rested the elbow on the desk and his chin on his fist and looking down at the many lists scattered in front of him. He had to focus. It was early, but the day was going to be a long one.

* * *

One side of his head laid flat into his palm, squishing his cheeks and lips as the slow but deep breaths rocked him from side to side like a pendulum. Yamato stared, trying to imagine how that face looked had the mask not been there, covering most of it. If not for the events of the previous night, he would have pictured his senpai, all sleepy and squished to be cute but, out of spite, he assumed he was drooling like an idiot instead — finally, making good use of that pointless mask, to keep his messy desk dry.

“Rokudaime.” Yamato called for the third time,… or fourth. He lost count. His eyes narrowing further with each step he took towards the Hokage’s desk. “Roku—“. What good would it do to try that again? “Kakashi-senpai.” Nothing. Yamato looked around in search of the heaviest looking folder he could get his hands on from the many piles of documents that surrounded the Hokage. He held it a foot or two off the desk and dropped it.

The thump didn’t shake the desk itself — not when it was pinned down so firmly by the ridiculous amount of paper on it — but it was loud enough to have Kakashi jerk back on his chair and open his eyes. 

“Ten… Yama…,” he stuttered. His eyes scanned the corners of the room. “… It’s just you, Tenzō?”

“Just me, yeah.” Yamato said, the discontent still sat in his face.

“I didn’t know if we were alone. You been here long?” 

“No.” He had.

Kakashi leaved back to rest his head into the left palm this time. Before his eyes closed again, he reached blindly for the folder Yamato had tossed in front of him. “Do I need to do something with this?”

“It fell from that pile,” Yamato said, pointing at the one he had taken it from, just in case it was something important that had to be returned to it. However, Kakashi did as he expected, put it back on whatever stack of paper was the closest without a second thought or a single look.

“About the—“

“ANBU, I know. I can spare a couple.“ 

“It won’t be necessary.”

Kakashi opened a single eye, probably out of habit but to Yamato, it was as if whatever he had to say didn’t deserve both. 

“He’s gone,” he said shortly. “We came to an agreement.”

It seemed that the Hokage was finally interested in the subject. He leaned back in the chair and opened his other eye. which was irritating. So Orochimaru could have his full attention then? Great. 

“You managed to talk him out of attending the wedding?”

“Don’t act so surprised, senpai. I can be persuasive and manipulative if I want to. I learned from the best.” And he could also be hurtful, something his senpai also taught him. 

Kakashi looked down at the papers on his desk. “I see.”

“I will be tailing him to ensure he is holding up his end of the deal.”

“Orochimaru is not a good person to make deals with, Tenzō.”

“Figure of speech. I know exactly who he is, you don’t need to tell me.” Yamato took a scroll from his back pocket and placed it heavily on the desk. “It’s all in the report.”

“Oi, Tenzō.”

“No, I don’t have the time to read mission reports back to you. Never had and never will, you should stop asking me or complaining every time.” 

That was it! He reached a limit. Yamato wanted to keep the composure but from the moment he stepped into the office and his senpai looked so unfazed, he just couldn’t do it. Kakashi seemed even less affected by his presence than any other day since he returned, even though he went down on him the night before. Unsolicited, not to mention. Kakashi seemed to have realised that because he looked at the scroll and ensured he avoided Yamato’s eyes at all cost.

“When did you even have time to write a report?”

“I wake up early so I can do my job properly,” Yamato snapped again. The quality of the report was unusually questionable though, but with a hangover he could only do so much. He was going to let the Hokage find the poor handwriting out for himself… when he got around to it eventually, if ever.

“Right…” 

Kakashi took the scroll and put in a drawer. At least he had the good sense of putting it away, anything to do with Orochimaru remained secretive to most and Yamato didn’t want to have to point that out with another curt remark.

“That is all, so I’ll—”

“Thanks, Tenzō.”

Yamato stopped and looked at him. Kakashi finally raised his eyes to him.

“This morning, you didn’t have to, so thanks,” Kakashi said.

Yamato’s brows gathered.

“For drying my clothes.”

That was unexpected, and Yamato’s heart also recognised it with at heavy beat. “I don’t like things on the floor,” he said, feeling the need to justify his considerate act while dismissing why he did it.

“You put them on the heater, they wouldn’t have dried otherwise.”

“I had nowhere else to put them, but either way, you’re welcome,” he rushed those last couple or words. “I must be off now.”

“Don’t go, I need you…”

Despite knowing Kakashi didn’t mean anything else by it, Yamato’s stomach tightened, joining to his already racing heart. He knew more words were about to be added to that sentence, his senpai didn’t even pause, it was only time in Yamato’s brain that did. For a split second, he wanted to believe that Kakashi was going back on his _rejection_.

“…here to help,” Kakashi said and yawned under the mask as he who pulled a list from within the sheets on the desk. “There is a lot to do for the wedding, I could really do with your hands.”

Yamato’s eyes narrowed as he shot a stare back at his senpai, not believing he chose those words without realising the innuendos that came with _needing his hands._ “I told you, I need to follow Orochimaru. I’ll return tomorrow for the wedding.” 

“No.”

“But Kakashi-senpai!”

“Are you really going to refuse to help me with Naruto’s wedding? You were responsible for him just as much as I was.” Kakashi held out the paper. “Here.”

“Emotional blackmail won’t work,” Yamato said, but still walked forward and grudgingly snatched it off Kakashi’s hand with a deep and loud sigh. “Can’t anyone else help you with…,” he looked down at the paper, “ensuring _flower arrangements are correctly placed._ What does this mean? If there even a wrong way of placing flowers? What is the criteria for placing them correctly? I’m not the person for this.”

“That’s why I need you. You ask the right questions and you’re methodical to a fault. It’s what I need. Someone who can be rational, organised, who can lead so things get done. Everyone is so emotionally involved, they can’t think objectively.”

“You don’t need to throw flatteries at me.”

“They aren’t working?”

Flatteries from his senpai always worked, even when his mood wasn’t the best. “I didn’t say that, but I have my mission. What happened to your assistant?”

“Shikamaru? He’s less of an assistant and more like a second in command by now, but he’s actually dealing with Hokage stuff I rather not look at.”

“And what is the Hokage doing?”

“The Hokage didn’t have a lot of sleep last night.”

“I wouldn’t have guessed, judging by the snoring when I woke up.”

Not only Yamato also had little sleep because of his usual 5am schedule, he was still half drunk, half hungover, which worsened with every passing minute. It hadn’t been a delightful morning either. Even though the snoring was made-up, he had to look at his senpai and remember everything that happened. All the hurt from that rejection, the contradiction and confusion that followed after he creeped into his room. His chest had tightened at the sight of Kakashi breathing heavily and peacefully in his sleep.

A day ago, Yamato thought he had finally figured all out, his feelings and Kakashi’s, only to have his senpai create havoc in his head again. Yet, capable of taking his bed and sleeping as if he was fine — as if _they_ were fine. Although, he had no idea when Kakashi ended up leaving his apartment, and neither did he care — he kept telling himself — he couldn’t be more tired or more sleepy than Yamato was. So stating something like that aggravated him. 

Kakashi stood up only to walk around and sit on the corner of his desk, on the little edge that wasn’t taken completely by paper, and only a few steps from him. “I stayed awake most of the night.”

Was he supposed to be sorry? Because he wasn’t at all, and if that statement wasn’t a way to introduce that much needed conversation about why he had come to his place so late, why he wanted to stay in bed with him, why the hell he went down on him in the middle of the night, then it didn’t interest Yamato the slightest. He held the list out to the Hokage. “I must return to my mission.”

“I decide what your mission is.” Kakashi leaned away from the desk, took the list only to press it against Yamato’s chest. 

“Senpai…“

“Please, Tenzō?”

There it was, asking nicely, in a nice tone. Kakashi knew his weaknesses way too well. Even though Yamato constantly did things for him, pleases and thanks didn’t come easily. When he did say them, despite him knowing his senpai just wanted to get his way, Yamato tended to comply. That please was followed by a smile Yamato couldn’t see but he knew it was there, like always. 

The hand still pressed the list against his chest to keep it from falling to the floor since Yamato refused to take it. He looked down at it, or rather, at Kakashi’s hand, turning his gaze at him as he took an unexpected step forward, narrowing the gap between them, invading his personal space.

“I have other things you could do… if flower arrangements aren’t your thing,” Kakashi said in a quieter tone, his eyes now staring clearly at his lips.

Yamato swallowed dry, his heart pounded faster and his face quickly warmed up. Kakashi’s handseemed heavier, as if purposely trying to feel that deafening heartbeat of his. “Of cour…,” Yamato’s voice broke. He cleared his throat. “Of course they aren’t my thing,… Kakashi-senpai… I prefer the… living ones.” What the hell was he talking about? Whatever it was, his voice got smaller and smaller. “Not… cut off.”

Silence. Yamato stared into Kakashi’s eyes as they stared at his lips. He hesitated to move his hand to hold the paper, knowing Kakashi’s was still there… if he did, their hands would touch. Kakashi’s fingers pressed a little firmer and Yamato’s lips parted. Not by a lot, but his senpai eyes were on them, watching closely, he probably noticed Yamato had been holding his breath. As much as he wanted to tug that mask down and kiss him, he wasn’t going to go easy on his senpai, not before they talked, before he knew where they stood. 

“Then…,” Kakashi said and leaned in further, his other hand raised, reaching for the mask.

Yamato froze, possibly his heart too. If the mask went down… if they were this close and he could see Kakashi’s face, Yamato ’s stoic facade would crumble. No matter how upset he told himself to be, the truth was in his heart and he couldn’t fake that. His eyes dropped to where Kakashi’s lips hid.

“Kakashi!” A voice broke silence so violently, Yamato jolted as the the door to the office sprung open. “Don’t forget the—” 

They both turned to see Tsunade peeking in. Yamato hoped Kakashi would step back. They were so close, it probably looked strange to anyone who interrupted the moment. Though, flailing and moving away would maybe give an even stranger vibe. Both of them seemed to have thought alike as neither of them bulged an inch. Kakashi kept a palm pressed over Yamato’s chest, their faces just a palm stretch from one another. 

“Sorry, Shikamaru said you had no meetings right now, so…” she said, staring at them as she stepped into the office. She continued to hold the door as if she knew she had walked into something more private than expected and was ready to leave as soon as she had her say. “I just wanted to remind you about dinner.”

“What time is it again?”

“It’s at seven, please don’t be late. Oh and also, the Elders want to see you this afternoon before the rehearsal, 3pm.”

“Hm…” 

Kakashi finally pulled the hand away, taking the list with him and making that spot on Yamato’s chest miss the heat of his touch. What a timing for Tsunade-sama to show up, Yamato closed his fingers into a fist, both disappointed and relieved. They were having a moment, one that Yamato didn’t exactly want, yet Kakashi made him feel so many things, he couldn’t hold on to one emotion at a time anymore, so as mad as he was, as much as he wanted to keep distance for no reason other to make Kakashi feel guilty, the second they were close, all feelings collided. However, it became clear the discussion he wanted about the previous night, wouldn’t happen now, not when his senpai had other ideas in his mind. Being enticing rather than facing the mess he made of everything — typical. But, Tsunade’s interruption confirmed that it wasn’t the time or place for any of that to happen. 

“If you have the time, could you?” Kakashi said.

“I can come with you, they _are_ a handful and I have no idea what they want this time.”

“I appreciate it, thanks.”

“Just don’t be late, you know how they are. I’ll see you then!” She said and looked at Yamato. “Make sure he’s there, he seems to be very forgetful these last few days?”

Yamato nodded. “I don’t believe I have the power to make him do anything, but I’ll do my best, Tsunade-sama.”

“Great, then until then.” And with a step, she was out of the office and the door shut behind her. 

Was it possible that the 5th didn’t even notice the tension between them? Maybe it didn’t look as intense to other people as it felt to him. Yamato followed Kakashi with his eyes as he locked the door. How dangerous. Was he going to pick up where he left off? Close, almost whispering. That hand could touch him again, warm his chest, accelerate his heart. The fact he wanted that to happen made him a little angry with himself. Kakashi being alluring couldn’t be all it took for Yamato to forget that he was still hurting. 

“Anyway,” Kakashi said, walking back to his desk.

Then it was a no. The moment was gone… for now.

“You can help Iruka and the academy students with the heavy lifting, if you are not too tired, that is.” 

Kakashi’s tone was different, maybe something Tsunade-sama said. Had he really been that distracted? If it only started a few days ago, then maybe he was to blame. They had spent every night together, every evening and a good chunk of the day. They hardly slept, they wasted energy. Yamato had to be the reason because his senpai was just as distracting to him. 

“Why would I be tired, senpai?”

“Yesterday.”

Yesterday… so they were going to talk about it after all. “What about it?”

“You were drinking.”

Or maybe not. “Not so much I wouldn’t be able to carry on with my duties.”

“Well then…,” Kakashi sat down and folded the sheet in his hand. “I’ll give this to Sakura.” 

“And what is this heavy lifting for Iruka-sensei?”

“We need to take the tables from the hall, then across the village to the cherry blossom field,” 

“Why?”

“What do you mean, _why_? We need people to sit on chairs and eat from tables,…” Kakashi added as he rummaged through the several lists on his desk.

“Those tables are bolted to the floor.”

“Exactly what I told him.”

“Then why are you even considering this?”

“Iruka-sensei asked me and I was…” he paused. “That day you came back, remember? I had a meeting with him.”

“How could I forget?” It even ached his stomach to think about that morning now, but more to do with how he felt being close to Kakashi after so long than having to leave the office through the window like a pervert. “What does that have to do with anything?” 

“My mind was busy with… well, you… so I didn’t really pay attention and just agreed to whatever he was saying.”

“Is that so?” Yamato said, the corner of his lips twitched. “Are you sure it was your mind that was busy?”

“Amongst other preoccupation, yes.”

“Funny, it wasn’t my fault, but I have the feeling that’s what you’re implying, senpai.”

“It’s a little your fault,” Kakashi said, glancing at him from over his lashes. “Maybe more than a little. At least 60%.”

“Ah, so it went from _a little_ to _most_ of the fault in 5 seconds?” Yamato crossed his arms and tilted his head to the side, returning a narrow stare at the Hokage. “If I remember right, you asked me, so I would say 80% your fault, 20% mine for complying. And I’m being generous, considering you are officially my boss. I should take no fault at all.”

“You can’t play the employee card now.”

“I’ll play that and the kouhai card if you test me.” 

“All asked for was a kiss, not for you to get all excited about it.”

“So me being excited made you forget a bad decision? Really?”

“No. You made me _make_ a bad decision.”

“I believe you are more than capable of making those all on your own, senpai.”

They stared at each other for a moment before Kakashi chuckled and Yamato tried and failed to hold back a smile.

“You’re right,” Kakashi said. “I guess you win this one. I don’t have a good comeback to that right now.”

“Now that I have won this pointless argument—“

“Do you want a prize?”

“My prize would be you telling me why we are unbolting tables and taking them across the village when I can just make some right there.”

Kakashi closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “So you can… I somehow forgot.”

Yamato shook his head, uncrossing his arms as he walked past the desk to the window. “Tsunade-sama is right then. You being forgetful and all lately. It’s because of me after all, I’m a distraction. Maybe I shouldn’t me around so much.”

“Maybe,” Kakashi said, spinning his chair to follow him, “or maybe I should… untangle.”

There were so many interpretations of that word, Yamato didn’t want to ask which one Kakashimeant in case he didn’t like the answer. Deep down, he still had a glimpse of hope that his senpai would face the fact that he meant everything to him, rather than pretend to reject him out of some misguided idea of how undeserving he was.

“But until then,” Kakashi said after a moment of them silently staring at one another again, “Iruka-sensei must be taking the hall apart now, could you tell him of the changed and then go to the cheery blossom field and do your thing?”

“I need to know how many tables, how many chairs per table, how—”

“Tenzō, I don’t know all of that.” 

“How come you don’t?”

“I just don’t, I’m not a wedding planner. If you didn’t know, this is my first one, so all is new to me,” Kakashi said and ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t really know what I’m doing. Being Hokage, now planning a wedding, I’m drowning in paper work, have to answer to the Elders, have to socialise with the Kages… and then there’s you,” he sighed loudly. “This should have been spaced out in ten years, not three. Life doesn’t give me a single moment, it just throws everything at me in one go,… always.”

Yamato eyes widened and he held back a smile. Kakashi-senpai losing his cool, oh he was going to remember that and throw in a conversation in the future, use it against him somehow. As much as he wanted to be mad at his senpai, he felt a little sorry for everything he had going, and Yamato had a part to play too. Maybe he had been selfish, his life was a lot simpler, no matter how seriously he took his mission, observing and writing reposts summed up his everyday. He had to come to terms with his feelings, which wasn’t easy, but clearly easier than it was for someone like Kakashi, with who he was and everything he had to deal with.

“I’ll ask Iruka-sensei, I’m sure he knows,” Yamato said, turning from the window, walking past the desk and glancing briefly at Kakashi. He wanted to assure him he had everything under control, but seeing his senpai struggle was nice for a change, even if a little cruel.“I’ll be on my way then.”

Kakashi frowned. “Tenzō, you’re not the same.”

“What?”

“As the other things,… my responsibilities, my work, all this.“ He gestured at the piles paper. “You don’t get in the way of them. If anything, it’s the other way around.”

Yamato felt his throat knotting.

“Anyway,” Kakashi said, looking down at the desk again, “Just make them nice, like you always do everything.”

“Nice?”

“Hm, show off a little.”

“I don’t show off’, but sure, I can make it intricate. Tables are not the hardest things to make.”

“Thanks”

“Sure”

“Then see you when it’s done.”

“Of course. I’ll report back.”

“Tenzo…”

“Senpai?”

Kakashi raised his head if he wanted to say much more than just his name, but all he did was stare. Yamato wanted to know whatever was going through his senpai’s head, but he was determined to have him talk to him first. If he didn’t, then Yamato also wouldn’t, and in a day or so from then, they would leave that situation hanging one more time. It bothered him, and in a way he thought his attitude to be childish, but he had his pride too and he had no intention to bail Kakashi out of this.

“I’ll be off…,” he said before turning his back and pacing away. 

The longer he stood there, the closer he remained to Kakashi, the harder it was to keep that determination up. His chest hurt having to leave without further words from his senpai, and as he walked away with nothing, he thought that leaving things unsaid was turning into a too common moment between them.


	9. 1 Day to the Wedding: Introspection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just because you see and understand something, doesn't mean you can act on it, still... it's an important step!
> 
> \+ Tsunade XD
> 
> \- - -
> 
> Hello! Another update on time! :) As always, I do plan on posting next Sunday, but I have busy times ahead at work, so there could be delays, but don't worry, it will come!
> 
> I'm pretty confident to say, now that we reached Chapter 9, that the fic is 3 Chapters away from its conclusion. Bitter sweet to when it will end tho. 
> 
> PS: Beta's busy with college work, so they didn't get to see this either. you get what I mean!  
> PSS: Also, I wanna thank the peeps from Tenzō's Cabin for keeping the motivation high <3

The office door shut, however, Kakashi continued to stare at it. He had no hopes Tenzō would walk back in, not when he had a task to carry out anyway.

He took a deep breath. So words failed him yet again, it didn’t surprise him. That was typical of him, he acted just as he expected of himself, now he could mull over all of it in his head and come up with things to say that would never be said. He looked at his palms and sank his face into them. Tired, frustrated, disappointed… How could he open his mouth to speak when he had no idea what to say? Apologise for giving him a blowjob? How weird would that be? It wasn’t something to apologise for, even if Tenzō might have needed an apology. Tenzō was mad at him the moment he creeped into the apartment, and madder after Kakashi’s failed attempt to show him how he felt, how he needed him in spite of his words. But if he said sorry, he would be lying again, because Kakashi didn’t regret it, not really.

After they laid on the bed the night before, Tenzō turned away from him, hugged the pillow, pulled the blanket over his shoulder. Kakashi hadn’t much to stare at but the back of his neck, and he did, for hours. He saw the moment Tenzō fell asleep, the moment he began to dream, when he tossed and turned, rolled to the side and faced him. It wasn’t the first time he watched him like that, though he couldn’t remember Tenzō being that upset with him before, but however angry, it didn’t change how sweet he looked with his eyes closed, lips slightly apart, breathing heavily. Since Kakashi had a hard time sleeping back in the ANBU days, he got into the habit of observing others during missions, but he always ended up watching Tenzō most of all. There was just something about him that fascinated him back then. The mokuton maybe, or the trust Tenzō had in him, which had him go against the man who first saved and raised him. Watching Tenzō that night as he slept was equally fascinating, but for different reasons.

Kakashi’s eyes kept getting heavy but he still kept them open, even though he knew that he wouldn’t be seeing Rin’s face that time, but Tenzō’s and that… well, that scared him more than any nightmare. Not until that moment, he realised the fear of whatever happened in his past come to repeat itself was a mindless excuse. He’d thought that being loved by someone would eventually get them killed somehow — some twisted fate, if he bothered to believe in such a thing — that he would lose them as well. That thought drove him to deny Tenzō’s affection, to be such a dick. It inferred that if Tenzō kept away, if he didn’t throw feelings for trash like him, then he wouldn’t die and make an even bigger mess in the already ragged soul Kakashi had.

What a load of shit. He told himself that for so long, it became his easy way out of anything that made him feel something. A lonely but, somehow, comfortable way of not dealing with what he couldn’t express or knew how to talk about, or even to whom. In truth, he didn’t know who he was if not for the pain he carried for years, that constant need for atonement that guided him, his ethics and morals. Being dark, cold, distant. Being the one people thought cool and mysterious who, instead, suffered in silence. A victim of people’s misunderstanding that kept him from seeing the point in getting too close to anyone. For as long as he remembered, that’s who he was and who people expected him to be. Letting Tenzō in meant losing all of that, his identity — that however painful, was still an identity — to allow himself to be vulnerable, to be seen, share the hurt, and maybe be happy, whatever that meant… As he stared at him, fighting the urge to reach out, Kakashi knew it was too late. The younger man, his favourite kouhai, little by little over the years, snuck in, planted a seed, one that Kakashi blindly watered and watched as it grew, as it took over. And now… well, now he found himself hoping the fact Tenzō was so mad at him meant he knew how Kakashi really felt, meant he was willing to wait for him a little longer rather than pretend it never happen and move on like so many did in the past. Tenzō… he was different, he understood him like no one else, not even Gai, his closest friend,… not even he saw inside Kakashi’s heart and understood.

With a deep breath, he leaned back on his Hokage chair, spinning it around to look out the window at the village below. He clearly had a lot in his mind and that was such bad timing. Thinking so much about himself when there was a lot depending on him. The day had just started, it was going to be a busy one and he was already tired. Tomorrow, Naruto would be starting a new life though, something good amidst years of turmoil. Who’d have thought a ninja wedding of that scale could ever happen?

Naruto — the one who saved the world. He sighed, proud. It was Iruka-sensei who Naruto saw as a father figure, but Kakashi felt a little bit like that too — maybe a bit of a failed father, but still. Naruto was a big part of his life, a part he got to share with Tenzō too. Because of all their combined efforts, Naruto managed to survive, save them all while never giving up on his passion and what be believed in. He accomplished all his goals and was about to walk a new path.

Kakashi couldn’t help but feeling that the following day would marked the end. The end of something, of a journey, a very long one that started decades ago. For him, it did when his father took his life and left him alone in the world. So much had changed. Now, he sat on that chair with responsibilities he never wanted, after decades of darkness inside him that still lingered. He fought against it, wasted time wishing to be free from the burdens life enforced onto him, the more he did the tighter he clung and fed into it instead. It was time to let go, as scary as it was. It was time for something new, he just had no idea how to go on about it, how to do it right this time.

As his mind continued to wander, his tired eyelids got heavier and his eyes closed. He saw Tenzō saying he loved him, so matter-of-factly like everything he said. Kakashi smiled under the mask. That moment,… he knew now, that’s where he wanted to be.

* * *

There was a knock on the door that seemed to follow right after Kakashi closed his eyes. He opened them again, but when he looked out the window, the sun was way too low for it to still be morning. He must have fallen asleep, but for how long?

“Come in,” he said, rubbed his eyes and tried to look as awake as possible as he spun the chair around to watch the the 5th storm towards him. “Tsunade-sama.”

“Did you set me up, Kakashi?” She slammed a fist so hard on the desk that the towers of paperwork shook wildly. “You didn’t show up for the meeting with the Elders?”

“It’s past 3 already?” He locked his jaw to kill the yawn he felt coming.

“It’s half past!” she yelled. “I had to put up with them by myself, do you know how troublesome that is? I made no excuses for your absence, so good luck with them later.” She took a deep breath and straightened up. “Also, you have a bunch of boxes outside. They probably got delivered while you…?”

“While I lost track of time…?” Kakashi said with a pan face. Having that attitude with Tsunade was a bit dangerous, she could snap his head off his neck with one hand, but he had just woken up, tact failed him. “What did they want, the Elders?”

“Ugh, nothing _too_ important. Bitching about one thing or another, then said they’re worried about _all_ the ninjas being on a day off during the wedding.”

“Did they say _all?_ ”

Tsunade nodded and headed to the small table behind the sofa to get herself some tea.

“It’s cold….the tea,” Kakashi said. If he had slept for that many hours then no one came in to replace it.

“Anything will do, my mouth is dry after so much talking… on _your_ behalf.”

Kakashi decided to make no excuses and move along. “So, did it work?”

“Well,” Tsunade said, filling up a cup before walking back to the sofa and dropping heavily on it. It looked like she needed something way stronger than tea. “Who knows. I told them we had enough people to keep the village safe, and that they had to just swallow it since they aren’t in charge of you and you know what you’re doing. But, honestly Kakashi, I’m an advisor, in well deserved retirement, they should have heard all of this from you. Avoid his them won’t help you the slightest.”

“I know. I’m sure your can deal with them better than I can.” And Kakashi still hadn’t come up with a plan for the gaps insecurity, so although missing the meeting wasn’t intentional, he would’t complain that he did.

She turned and raised an eyebrow before the cup of tea reached her lips. “They don’t think highly of me, you know that.”

Neither did they think much of him, but they always seemed overly critical of the 5th, and she was right, he should have been there. “I’m glad it worked out. I’m sorry for not making it in time.”

Tsunade downed the tea as if it was a cup of sake. “I know you have a lot on your plate, but it’s been almost two years now, Kakashi, get on with the plan. This is the easiest period to acclimatise with being Hokage.”

“I’m more used to war times than this.”

“Trust me, sending the people you care for into battle is not something you ever get used to,” she said and shifted on the sofa, crossing her legs. “Anyway, speaking of people we care about… what was that earlier today?”

“What was what?”

“You and Yamato.”

Kakashi stomach tightened. “Delegating tasks, nothing more,” he said but doubted Tsunade believed him, not after what she walked into. If it hadn’t been Kakashi, maybe, but not him. He wasn’t the type to be physically close to anyone when the situation didn’t call for it, but Tenzō was the exception. If Gai had already noticed that he has a soft spot, there wasn’t a chance the 5th hadn’t also.

“He seemed reluctant to accept your task,” she said, but luckily, gave Kakashi no time to comment. “How is he doing? I sometimes feel his mission is going on for way too long. I know it’s my fault, I really underestimated his diligence.”

“You did.” Talking about Tenzō and that mission brought a sour taste to Kakashi’s mouth. Tsunade herself had assigned it to him, whether Tenzō was okay with it or not, he wouldn’t have gone against the Hokage. For Kakashi, though, if it hadn’t been for the 5th, Tenzō would have stayed in Konoha, maybe doing something other than isolating himself in a forrest. 

“Then you should cut him a break, Kakashi. It was never meant to be a one-man’s job for the rest of days. He’s the best ANBU I had, we’d no idea if Orochimaru meant what he said by collaborating with us. Just give the poor man some holidays. He looked really tired.”

Kakashi looked down at his desk and began to organise it as he did his thoughts. Tenzō looked tired and that was his doing. They were both tired and had each other to blame for that. “He’s off today and tomorrow.”

“You gave him a day off just to have him help you with the wedding?”

“It was either that or going after Orochimaru.”

“I thought he would’ve enjoyed having nothing to do for a couple of days. Go out, have a drink, chill.”

“I’m sure he has time for all that, but will probably find something else useful to do.”

“Maybe he’s still trying to impress you.”

Kakashi raised his head.

“What?” Tsunade shrugged. “Everyone knows that’s what he does, or you think he joined Team 7 because I begged? Please, Kakashi. He was so excited to replace you I didn’t have to summon him.” She stood up and put the cup back on the little table. “I’ll see you at dinner?”

“Dinner?” Kakashi said, even though he remembered it just fine.

“Kakashi! With the Kages! I’ll drag your ass there myself if you don’t show up at least ten minutes early.”

Kakashi raised his hands and smiled. “Sorry sorry, it was a joke. I’ll be there.”

What a massive inconvenience, though. Kakashi had nothing against the Kages, but social gatherings were not his thing, especially formal ones. Sadly, Shikamaru didn’t like them either so, as much as he tried to convince his chief in the past to take his place, he always came up witha logical reason why Kakashi, as the Hokage, had to be the one to go to Kage gatherings, and he could never fault his logic.

Somehow, despite having slept for good part of the afternoon, he managed to get almost everything off his hands between the time Tsunade left and the rehearsal. At 4pm, he headed to the cherry blossom field to talk to Iruka, Hinata and Naruto. They went over the seating plan and other details while waiting for others involved in the rehearsal to arrive. As they chatted away, Kakashi wondered why he was there in the first place, and hoped no other ninjas were planning to get married while he was Hokage. Especially not if he had to be this involved in every single one of them.

Kakashi distracted himself with the fact that he was sitting at a table Tenzō had just made, and got to eye him from a distance, watching him do more than he had asked him. They didn’t get to talk though, only exchanged a few side glances both pretended not to have noticed. When the rehearsal finally started, everyone who had been working there the whole afternoon left, so did Tenzo, without goodbyes, only a last look and a nod. Kakashi didn’t return it, thanks to Naruto asking him about missions, of all things.

At Iruka’s request, — possibly for emotional support — Kakashi remained at the cherry blossom field for while longer and excused himself just before 5pm to go over security with Shikamaru. With the Kage dinner approaching, however, they only had time to make any arrangements for the security of the reception itself and not for the whole village during that period. Contrary to what the Elders implied to the 5th, not all ninjas were off tomorrow but due to recent mission and other last minute assignments, Jōnin and ANBU alike had been redistributed and, as much as Kakashi hated to admit, they were a little undermanned.

That type of work would have been completed much faster with his chief, but Shikamaru had plans of his own that evening, and Kakashi decided to give him the time off. Shikamaru and Temari hardly saw each other, and whereas in the past Kakashi wouldn’t have given it a second thought, now he empathised.

In the end, he was left with a pretty big task, but probably the one he was better equipped to deal with. After Shikamaru went home for the evening, Kakashi put everything he needed in a folder and grabbed his official Kage wear. Once the dinner was over, he would look into that again.

* * *

  
The smell of coffee lingered in the air as Yamato sat down on the sofa and crossed a leg, putting the cup down after a sip or two. Despite the cold, he let the window open. The breeze reminded him of Kakashi somehow. He took a scroll to start writing the report for his activities that afternoon, knowing that his help with the wedding hadn’t been a mission exactly, but the Hokage assigned it to him, so he felt compelled to justify it in writing. It had been so long since he had nothing else to do, or had a day off doing anything else other than work, it seemed like too much free time staring at walls. Besides, he had already walked around the village, visited an onsen and the ANBU headquarters to see how everything was — and get a book he still had in his locker. So to close his day, first he would deal with the report, then next read a book, then catch up with much needed sleep.

Minutes passed and Yamato continued to look at the blank scroll. As much as he wanted to put words down, nothing worth writing came to mind. The only driving force for writing that in the first place was picturing Kakashi-senpai’s face when he handed another mission report in the morning. An unwanted farewell gift, of sorts, but fitting. Also the only excuse he found to go and see him before the wedding. However busy Kakashi was, he would have to see him if it was official.

“This is pathetic…” he said after a while, dropping his head back to stare at the ceiling. Why did he care about seeing him so early anyway? They would have plenty of time during the wedding, better time, unofficial, relaxing time with everyone else… everyone else. Hm, maybe that was it. Even if Yamato was somewhat looking forward to seeing everyone — it had been so long — that also meant his time with Kakashi would be cut short. His senpai was the Hokage now, surely he couldn’t give him that much attention.

That report was his only chance to be alone with him before he left Konoha again. He stared at the scroll. Maybe if he wrote something silly, an inside joke even, so when he was gone Kakashi could read and feel entertained, smile and think of him. Perhaps, even miss him. Would he?… Would he miss him at all this time?

“Of course...,” Yamato said out loud and gave himself a head shake for even considering the opposite. He had no doubt his senpai would miss him, in the end, he spent every night in that apartment with him even after the remarks of how barren and unliveable it was. Before this visit, that one day Yamato had in Konoha in almost a year, they spent the night together in the tree house. In the time Yamato had been away, whenever they saw each other, they spent the night together. That meant something. Yamato wasn’t expecting Kakashi to openly say anything by now, nether did he expect to be summoned back out of the blue once he left the village tomorrow, but it didn’t change the fact that both of them wanted to be as close as life allowed them to be.

How he wished things had turned out differently, though. If he had never blurted out in frustration, Kakashi would’ve had no reason to reject him and nothing would’ve changed. They could’ve enjoyed their last two nights to the fullest. No hurt. And even if that didn’t change how they felt, at least words wouldn’t have got in the way of who they were and had always been.

Yamato held the scroll in his hand for a short while, his brows furrowed. _What’s the point?_ His throat tightened and a strange feeling froze his stomach, slowly taking all his body. Now that the anger he carried all day was gone, he had nothing left but sadness. Very few moments in his life were marked by that kind of feeling, one of them was the day he left Kakashi after they kissed for the first time. It was a hundred times worse now that he understood his feelings for him.

He stood up and put the scroll down on the table. In that state of mind, he couldn’t be funny if he tried, he couldn’t bring himself to write inside jokes either. Part of him wanted to go back in time and feel that shot of excitement and shock again, when Kakashi pressed his lips against his and left him dumbfounded. Another wished to go back to stop Kakashi from doing just that, to end things before they began. The draft coming from the window reminded him of that intimate night on that very sofa, in fact, that whole apartment had too many confusing memories, too much history packed in three days and Yamato didn’t want to stay there another second. He put on a heavy cloak and walked out of there.

As he locked the door behind him, he heard a noise from inside the apartment. Quietly, he opened the door and tiptoed back in, hands ready for a wood release seal. He saw a figure moving towards him in the corridor. Before he could attack, he heard that familiar voice calling his name,… that name.

“Tenzō...?”


	10. 1 Day to the Wedding: The Last Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW WARNING!  
> \- - - - • - - - - 
> 
> Note: A little delayed but thanks for the patience. This chapter is almost 3 times the regular length of this fics chapters and doesn't contain a lot of scene breaks, so instead of that, I broke and changed POVs so it's more convenient to go through.
> 
> As it has been the case recently, my beta is busy with college work, and considering is is 9k+ words it would take her about a long time to get through. I did my best trying to fix all the bit, but they slip through sometimes.
> 
> \- - - - • - - - - 
> 
> I hope you all like it :D... more in the end notes!

“Kakashi-senpai?” Yamato halted and lowered his hand.

“The switch?”

“What?” His heart pounded heavily in his chest. What the hell was Kakashi doing there? Did he come in through the window again?

“The light switch, where is it?” Kakashi said, dragging his feet towards him — socks on only by the sounds of it. “Is it here?”

“Right here.” Yamato moved forward. “It’s ok, I’ll get it.”

Yamato patted the wall vaguely where the switch should be, but instead of touching it, his fingertips met Kakashi’s hand as he was about to turn on the lights. _Shit_ … blood rushed to his cheeks, as if the surprise of his senpai creeping into his apartment again wasn’t enough. Considering everything that they had already done, hands touching shouldn’t cause that much of a reaction, but it did, no matter how subtle it brushed over Kakashi’s skin.

Neither of them moved, nor did the lights come on. They stood in the dark, long enough for Yamato to be sure the drumming of his heart was either being heard outside his chest or felt through the tips of his fingers.

“Your hand’s cold,” Kakashi said, turning up his palm and closing Yamato’s fingers into his hand.

“I was outside just now.”

The switch seemed completely forgotten. There was a long pause where their hands remained as they were, a moment that would’ve otherwise been undeniably awkward had those lights been on. Yamato didn’t need this, he didn’t deserve this headache, not tonight.

“So…,” he said, his cold fingers robbing Kakashi’s hand of its warmth. “What can I help you with, senpai?” He tried to be professional with the man that had, yet again, broken into his apartment in the middle of the night. “Surely you didn’t come all the way here to check the temperature of my fingertips.”

To think he had been mopping only minutes ago about not spending time with him before the wedding, reminiscing about the nights the had together and how sad everything in his life appeared to me. And now… he couldn’t make up his mind if he wanted him gone or if he should kiss him. Amidstthe chaos in his mind, he tried hard to sound cool about this whole hand-on-hand situation while his heart raced faster that his mind could foresee all that the possibilities if Kakashi-senpai decided to linger.

“I’d like your opinion on something.”

“My opinion?” Yamato hoped that was just that, one question about one thing and then he would be on his way. He didn’t even know why he wanted him gone so fast, maybe he didn’t trust himself to remain honest about not letting this go further until that talk too place. Judging by Kakashi’s tone, however, he was there to ask him to do some last minute task he couldn’t be bothered doing by himself. _Damn it._ What about his need for sulking in peace? He didn’t want to do that next to the one person responsible for making he feel sulky, or worse… if he ended up not sulking at all. Kakashi had that thing about him, this charm Yamato could never resist. The truth was that he would rather have this, this uncertain moment and whatever consequences came from it,… he would take it over being alone without him.

Kakashi’s thumb rubbed his fingers gently. “Do you have the time?”

“I was about to go out.”

“What for?”

 _To try and stop thinking about you in this place_. “Fresh air.”

“Where were you going?”

“I didn’t have time to decide because you broke in.”

“The window was open.”

“Open windows aren’t invitations to come in, senpai.”

“Aren’t they?”

“No, but I wouldn’t expect you to understand, considering you come in even when they’re shut.”

Kakashi didn’t reply, instead he pulled Yamato’s hand towards him while taking a small step forward. Yamato’s body stiffened. Logic told him to pulled the hand back, to tell Kakashi he was too busy that night, he had no time. Go out, freeze in the cold, be sad, just indulge in it for a little bit, get his mind right. It’d be better to be sad and alone than feel so confused, so tempted… he wanted to believe, anyway.

He opened his eyes. The corridor was dark, but he saw Kakashi’s silhouette as light bounced into the living room from outside. He was close, and then closer as he stepped in yet again, bringing Yamato’s hand to his lips. His warm breath ghosted over his fingers. Kakashi’s mask was down — how unusual.

“Senpai?”

“Mm?”

If the lights were on and he could see him, maybe Yamato wouldn’t be so bold, but in the dark, his face so close to touch, he stretched a cold finger and brushed it over Kakashi’s cheek. His skin was warm, probably warmer than his own cheek he knew to be red. If he had been outside, why was he so warm in such a chilly night?

“Did you run here?”

Kakashi took yet another step forward. “To make sure I caught you awake.”

“The lights were off.”

So he didn’t really care if he had to wake him up at all. Did he want to see him that badly? This had nothing to do with work, or at least work was now the excuse for them to see each other. They were so close, Yamato felt the heat coming off his senpai’s body. The urge to kiss him flooded his mind. He wanted to do it, Kakashi wanted him to do it too, otherwise he wouldn’t keep getting close. Why didn't he do it then? Yamato could blame him then… take the weight ofresponsibility ff his back for once. Was Kakashi still fixated on not taking the initiative? That didn’t seem to bother him the night before, though.

Yamato narrowed the gap even further and slowly pulled back his hand. “I’m awake,’ he said, the tip of his nose bumped lightly against Kakashi’s. All he had to do was tilt his head, that’s all, then their lips would meet. It felt like an eternity since they kissed, even though it had only been 48 hours or less. For a relationship like theirs, where time was so short and passed so fast, two days felt like forever.

As much as his body ached for this, his heart raced for this, Yamato leaned back and slipped both of his freezing hands behind Kakashi’s very warm neck, drawing what was almost a yelp out of his senpai.

“Tenzō!” Kakashi moved back a couple of steps.

Yamato laughed, forcing himself to lift that tension between them, and reached for the switch to finally bring some light into the corridor. Kakashi had his shoulders raised so high, his neck had disappeared. He shook his head after he finally relaxed from the shock and stared back at Yamato, his lips curved in a little smile.

“Sorry, senpai,” he said, still laughing. “It was either that or a cold shower. This seemed more practical.”

“A cold shower would’ve been less of a shock.”

“It’s a long night, so I’ll keep that in mind for next time,” Yamato said with a chuckle as he took off his shoes. “What is that you wanted again?”

“We are short of look outs tomorrow during the wedding.”

“I thought you wanted me to _attend_ the wedding.”

Kakashi turned his back at him, heading to the living room as he fiddled with something in his back pocket. “It’s not what I meant, I just need to sit down and go over this with your fresh eyes,” he said, turning on the living room lights.

“Something wrong with your eyes?”

“No.”

So his assumption was correct, Kakashi was there to see him with work he was more than capable of doing himself. “I should have phrased that question better,” Yamato said, not as upset by the visit as he wanted or tried to be.

Kakashi pushed the books, the ninja pouch and a couple of scrolls that laid on the table aside before he spread open a large map of Konoha. His eyes turned to the scrolls as Yamato approached. “These aren’t reports, are they?” He held one up.

“Not yet,” Yamato said, taking it off his senpai’s hand and setting it down on the table again.

“I might start charging for scrolls to keep you from overusing them.”

“That won’t stop me, senpai, I get paid quite well. I’m more than happy to spend a few extra ryō for that.”

“Always enthusiastic about writing mission reports.”

“Out of necessity. Your reports were always lacking something.”

“I never had any complaints from any Hokage, you on the other hand…”

“What do you mean, senpai? You’re the only Hokage who ever complained about them.”

“Also the only one who reads them all.”

“You don’t always read them,” Tenzō said, matter-of-factly.

“I do.”

“You read _all_ my reports?”

“Every single one. Even the ones you ramble on.”

Yamato brows gathered. “I just try to be thorough.’

“You ramble.”

“Then why do you read them?”

“Because…,” Kakashi looked down at the map, “you drop hints here and there of how you are doing in your writing. I know if you’re ok or not.”

Whenever he thought Kakashi couldn’t care less, he always said something that surprised him. Always cared more than he let on, always thought deeper than most people did but put on an aloof front. When Yamato question him about his persistent use of ‘Tenzō’, he was more attached to the code name than Yamato was himself, just because he remembered how the name made Yamato smile as a child. Kakashi expressed himself in different way. That conversation he wanted so much, wasn’t as important as he thought… it was just a necessity for him, someone who needed information upfront, who liked concrete answers rather than ‘what ifs’. Kakashi didn’t need that, maybe he didn’t even know how to be someone who talked like that… and maybe that was ok too.

“Would you like me to add a summary to the report?”

“You already do.”

“I could add a summary of the summary.”

Kakashi looked at him. “More words, more work. I would appreciate less of both.”

“Only more if you read the whole thing, but if you read just the summary—“

“If it comes from you, I’ll read everything.” Kakashi turned back to the map and pulled a chair to seat down. “So, just regular reports, just like you do now. I get through them eventually.”

“I can always add more about how I’m doing.”

“I wouldn’t mind, but they are official documents. I’d rather you told me in person.”

Yamato held back a smile. “Then I’ll make the effort of reporting as such.”

“Good. You know, I’m the Hokage so you have to do what I say.”

“You’ve been telling me what to do since before you were Hokage.”

“Hm, I suppose. Then one more thing…,” Kakashi said before pointing at Konoha’s main gate on the map. “If I keep two guard here, and another two outside, as usual, then we will end up with one here. None there.” He pointed at another part off the map. “And one here, and here. I don’t like leaving any of these areas with one only. They shouldn’t be working alone in the first place.”

That little exchange seemed to feed Yamato with whatever he was needing. He felt more energised than he did the whole day. The smile was subtle, but undeniable. He looked at the map, and without Kakashi needing to explain further, he understood how the night was going to be spent, shuffling Jōnin and ANBU around, trying to come up with a solution to the security issues Kakashi was having due to lack of manpower.

* * *

Another cup of tea, another cup of coffee, a snack here and there. Tenzō had filled the cupboards with something, at least, whether he had any real food in them, Kakashi still had to find out. 

The already late evening turned into very late night as they went over things again and again, without finding a solution. Since they couldn’t just make more people to guard the village tomorrow, somewhere would be undermanned, much to Kakashi’s dislike. He ran his finger through his hair as Tenzō paced up and down, sipped from his coffee, pointing more issues he hadn’t even considered. Why did Kakashi think asking him for help would be easy? The guy was a perfectionist after all, what did he expect?

Kakashi held the back of his hand in front of his mouth to hide a second consecutive yawn. They were coming faster now, it didn’t help that they kept bouncing yawns from each other. Tenzō had his turn too, as he reached for Kakashi’s empty tea cup.

“This will have to do, Kakashi-senpai,” Tenzō said, gesturing the cup to him as if to ask if he wanted another. Kakashi simply shook his head.

“The Elders will give me shit for this.”

Tenzō took his and Kakashi’s cup to the kitchen. “I can back them up with clones—”

“You’re off tomorrow.” He followed Tenzō with his eyes, peeking over his hunched shoulder as he rested his elbows on the table.

“I know you want me to be off, and I do want to have a day off, but if having clones in those places brings you piece and keeps the Elders off your back…,” he walked back to the table and looked at the map, “… then I don’t mind.” He placed a hand on Kakashi’s shoulder and gave it a little squeeze.

The touch Kakashi looked forward to all day, even if the meaning behind that touch wasn’t the same as those soothing intimate ones Tenzō had given him before. Kakashi still closed his eyes, tilted his head to the side in hope Tenzō noticed how much he longed for his hands.

“I think you need a day off more than I do.” He squeezed him again.

That stiffness had been there for a long time, intensified by the wedding and the added pressure that came with overthinking everything since Tenzō confessed to him. Yet, being close, being touched, calmed him, as if Tenzō could power down his guard. Kakashi wanted more, he needed those touches to unravel him and the quiet moan he let out couldn’t have been more inviting. If Tenzō didn’t pick up on it meant he didn’t want to, and not because Kakashi hadn’t made it clear enough.

“Is this because you haven’t slept well?” Tenzō said. He moved to the back of his chair and grabbed both shoulders tightly.

“What is?” Kakashi dropped his head forward, shamelessly pretending he hadn’t been the one who silently begged for this.

“This tension.” He pressed the thumbs harder, massaging the neglected knots.

“Part of the job,” Kakashi said lightheartedly, but only after another moan.

“The most important man in the village doesn’t have masseuse to help him deal with his stress?”

“One of the many things I’m being denied.”

Tenzō chuckled as he moved his thumbs up Kakashi’s neck. “I almost feel bad for you, senpai.”

“Almost? You don’t feel even a little bad for me?”

“Nah, not a bit,” Tenzō said, burying his fingers firmly and slowly into the silver strands at the back of his head, his thumbs rolled in circles over the nape.

Another moan. He just couldn’t help it. Kakashi leaned forward, folding an arm on the table and resting his forehead on them, while the other fell to his side. The position was uncomfortable, saved by the lenitive touch. Besides, Kakashi was physically tired, mentally exhausted. All his waking hours that day were spent thinking about Tenzō, and now he was there, making him feel good like he always did.

“Tenzō…”

“Senpai?”

Whenever that pause came, whenever the turn to talk was his again, Kakashi struggled. He wanted to tell him so many things, but what could he say first, what words should he use? Could he be direct? But if so, how? His stomach churned whenever his lips barely parted to voice a thought, a feeling. It was upsetting. Tenzō's personal space was Kakashi’s only safe place. If there was anywhere he could let go of whatever fear he was holding, that was it. So what if he rejected Tenzō the day before? He was still there, he was still giving him a chance. Every single moment he didn’t tell Kakashi to go fuck himself was him giving Kakashi another chance.He was so aware of that and he wanted to just let it all out,… let the thoughts pour from his mind, form words, even if they made no sense, they would still me more than silence. But when Tenzō said _senpai,_ he always froze, said something else that didn’t matter, and the chance was gone.

“Senpai…?” Tenzō said again.

Kakashi felt Tenzō's weight on him as he leaned over, still massaging the back of his neck, some of his fingers dug into his hair. Kakashi inhaled deeply, losing hope that any words would come, not from him anyway… and Tenzō, well… he already said everything he had to say the other night.

“You need to stop saying my name like that,” Tenzō said, breathing close to Kakashi’s ear. “I think you’ll follow it with something important, but you don’t. Then I leave, or you leave… can’t let you get away with it.”

The little hairs on Kakashi’s neck stood on end, he even felt goosebumps on his arms. Tenzō was soft — most of the time — gentle, kind… everything Kakashi didn’t think himself to be, but he had another side. The side who was assured, shameless and bold, enough to tug down his mask, pull down his trousers, bite him, touch him, watch him come. Kakashi liked that more the he cared to admit. When Tenzō got tired of his crap and did what he thought had to be done, took the lead. Kakashi couldn’t deny the many times he had forced himself to do things he had to do out of duty — as an ANBU, as a teacher, as Hokage. But Tenzō, when he decided on something, he just did it,… and when he decided he wanted Kakashi, he had him. So if Tenzō told him he wouldn’t be getting way with it, he wouldn’t.

“I like saying your name,” Kakashi said instead, not even close to anything he really meant to say, or that Tenzō wanted to hear. “Maybe you should say my name sometimes, too.”

“Hm… is that a kink, senpai?” Tenzō's lips ghosted over the shell of his ear.

Kakashi held back a gasp. His lips still parted and he tried to inhale quietly so his voice came out weak. “No.” Not yet, at least.

“If I say just… _Kakashi_?”

It wasn’t exactly kinky, but sure was unusually arousing. He liked being called senpai, despite having asked Tenzō to drop it many times, which he never did… now hearing him call his name, almost whispering, without honourifics,… was undeniably seductive. But no matter how close Tenzō was, and how he seemed to be having fun teasing him, Kakashi was expecting the moment he pulled back and told him to go home. It wouldn’t surprise him if all of this was to get back at him.

“Am I turning you on,” Tenzō said and pressed his lips behind Kakashi’s ear.

“You can’t blame me, I’ve done nothing but sit here.” Kakashi’s voice was muffled, his mouth pressed into his arm as a shiver went down his spine.

“You say that, but you make my life so difficult, _Kakashi_.”

It was the way Tenzō said it — dragging the letters of his name quietly under his breath — that worked undeniably well on him. It was just his name, and not even a good one at that. Tenzō's hands return to his shoulders and his lips traced the side of Kakashi’s neck. Whatever he wanted to tell him had to wait a little longer, with the way Tenzō touched him, all he could focus on was the growing feeling in his crotch. Another chance to express himself in words, missed, but Kakashi was more than happy to leave that behind for now, to be taken instead, and to let that need they both clearly had for each other’s body to transcend.

“I don’t mean to.” Kakashi turned his head to the side and closed his eyes. He knew Tenzō could see the warmth in his cheeks under the living room’s bright lights, despite the mess he made of his hair that fell over his face.

“No?” Tenzō nibbled his earlobe. “I don’t believe you. I think you do. I think you take pleasure in confusing me.”

“You’ve said that before when you’re drunk then asked me to forget it.”

The other’s lips parted again, but instead of biting him, he ran his tongue along his jawline.

Kakashi gasped quietly. “Tenzō…” ****

“Tell me what you want from me, because I wanted to be alone tonight. I needed time for myself, to think… but you… You always show up in this apartment, asking me things I can’t refuse, needing what I can’t deny, making sounds I can’t resist… you let me touch you, but you never tell me what you really want.”

What did he want? How deep was he meant to take what Tenzō just said? He wanted so many things but no pressure could force words out of him. If he hadn’t been so hot, if Tenzō hadn’t been trying to arouse him, he would have kept quiet, but his body was doing the thinking now, and he wanted more of that, more of what the other had in mind.

“Surprise me.”

And Tenzō did. He kissed the side of Kakashi’s lips before spinning the chair around, not giving Kakashi time to adjust himself. He lifted his head and grabbed the arms of the chair, opening his eyes, startled. Down between his legs, he saw his arousal, stiff as a board inside his trousers, one that couldn’t go unnoticed. Tenzō had one of his own too, right at Kakashi’s eye level, albeit, not as ready as his own.

“That shower would fit this moment quite well, don’t you think?” Tenzō said and held out a hand.

Kakashi looked at it. He didn’t want a cold shower though, but he agreed to let Tenzō choose and if that was his choice, then Kakashi will keep his word. After all, he didn’t deserve anything else from Tenzō. _Fuck_ … he didn’t deserve anything from the star of this thing they had. But even if it wasn’t the comfort of his bed, their time together was coming to an end and Kakashi just wanted to be with him, next to him, to be touched by him…

Maybe… maybe if he told him. “Tenzō, I—”

“Take the hand, Kakashi.”

It sounded like an order, and he was used to those, but still, he hesitated. If he took that hand it was all over, wasn’t it? The cold shower, the end of his visit, of that night, one Kakashi wishedlingered until morning, until he woke up next to him. He needed more time, more opportunities to try and express all this… _thing_ … this pain inside him.

“Please.” Tenzō stretched his hand towards the arm of the chair Kakashi held onto tightly. “Meet me half way?”

The uncertainty of what would happen next. If Tenzō changed his mind like Kakashi did last night, when he had the intention of sleeping, and instead went down on him. Instead of a cold shower, Tenzō could very well lead him to the door, kick him out.

In the end, he placed his hand on top of Tenzō's. Both of them were rough, callous hands, but the way they touch couldn’t have been softer. Tenzō's fingers closed around Kakashi’s, with a gentle tug, he turned his back and led him to the bathroom. He opened the door to the shower, turn the tap on, but not the cold one as Kakashi expected.

The steam flooded the room and took over their surroundings while they stared at each other. The night hadn’t ended and he was about to smile when Tenzō reached down and lifted the rim of Kakashi’s shirt. Tenzō was stripping him again, but this time, Kakashi was ready to let every piece of clothing go, even the tight top with the mask. He put up his arms to allow Tenzō to remove it all and went straight for his shirt too, dropping them on the floor.

The water hit hard against the tiles, loud enough that Kakashi saw no reason to speak. Tenzō didn’t either but his lips were parted, his chest moved quickly with every breath. Before Kakashi could reach out and strip Tenzō's off his trousers, the other ran his hands down Kakashi’s chest, exploring like he did that time on the sofa. Slower, taking all in… the lines between Kakashi’s lean muscles, the marks and scars that covered his skin, left by a life of injuries. No matter how many of those he had, they never bothered him, not even the one over his eye. There was one, though,… one he wished gone, the large x-shaped over his chest, the very scar Tenzō's fingertips decided to focus on.

That scar was a farewell gift from Obito, of all people. It carried hate from the person Kakashi failed. The two of them had talked about the war before, but not enough, not so much for Tenzō to understand what that scar meant. He had completely ignored it when they were intimate before, his hands passed over it as if it didn’t exist, until now. Tenzō's eyebrows furrowed as he ran over it with the tips of his fingers. Kakashi knew, without the need for words, how the other felt and it pained him.

“Tenzō…” Kakashi said, the tightness in his chest in his voice. Seeing the person he cared the most hurt _for_ him instead of _because_ of him was harder to look at than he could have ever imagined.

But the other shook his head as if trying to shake off whatever he was thinking too. Maybe that wasn’t the time. His hands abandoned the scar to tug Kakashi’s trousers down with urgency, forcing Kakashi to step off them. “How many times are you going to say my name alone?” He said, even though he was the one who stopped him.

“As many as I need before I know what to say next.”

“You don’t need to, senpai.”

“Senpai?… What about _Kakashi._ ”

“Kakashi-senpai…?” Tenzō said and smiled.

Why so cute? Kakashi’s heart couldn’t handle it. That smile disarmed him, evey time. At that moment, he couldn’t find anything he wanted more than to wake up to it every morning,… or one, one morning if life only gave him that. He had to hold back calling out his name again, another attempt to tell him what he had to but couldn’t. _Next time_. He cupped Tenzō's face and pressed their lips together. 

It lingered, but only softly. When Kakashi was drunk in the tree house, he stole Tenzō's first kiss. Shocked him, even. Back then he did what his drunken mind told him to, acted on impulse.Tenzō didn’t return it, he froze, told Kakashi never to surprise him like that again, so Kakashi never did. He let Tenzō decide when things had to happen and how. If he hadn’t followed that _rule_ , he would’ve kissed him the moment he saw him back in Konoha, and every single time they met each other after that. He still didn’t know if it was okay to just go for it, but he did anyway, and as soon as he realised he was kissing him deeper, pulling him closer, he stopped.

They stared at each other for a while again. Kakashi’s hands drifted away from his neck to the collarbone, slowly down his shoulders and arms, touching his scars, trying to explore like Tenzō enjoyed doing to him. He didn’t do that enough, never had. He had never wanted to understand someone else intimately like this, the nuances of their bodies, the feeling of their skin against his palms. Other people’s bodies were just vessels that could bring pain or pleasure and that was it. But not that one, he wanted to get to know everything about the body that carried the person Tenzō was. 

“I’m having you…,” Tenzō said.

Kakashi raised his head and looked at him, realising he had been staring at his body, and touching him a lot before that announcement. Just like that time, when Tenzō said he would kiss him, and he did, just better. Everything Kakashi did, Tenzō went and did a better version of it. Their first kiss was shallow, sudden, verging on soulless… the second one, the one Tenzō alsoannounced, made Kakashi notice that he had needed him for a very long time.

He pressed against Kakashi’s body, pushing him against the cold bathroom wall. A hand held him by the back of the neck, the other grasped tightly to his hips, and he kissed him. Kakashi’s hand touched Tenzō's stomach before slid inside his trousers, enough for them to drop on the floor. Without unlocking their lips, Tenzō stepped out of the trousers and kicked them to the side. With their warm naked bodies pressed together, Tenzō took his mouth in an even deeper kiss.

Their lips only parted when Kakashi had to gasp for air. He stared half-lidded to see Tenzō whispered something he couldn’t hear. Maybe it was the loud sound of water, or maybe Kakashi’s mind was hazy, busy with thoughts of the other inside him. Tenzō guided him into shower by the back of the neck and leaned in again, kissed his chin, his throat, the side of his neck. Kakashi’s heart drummed in his chest, his eyes closed as the warm water ran down the length of his hair, his face. He wrapped his arms around Tenzō's wet body, rolling his hips, wanting to feel every inch of him.

* * *

The warmth of the shower had nothing on how hot Yamato’s body was. He had no idea what he was doing despite having daydreamed, practiced, fantasised about it, and because he had touched Kakashi before, felt his body in his hand, his mouth down on him, he thought being fully naked, in the shower, kissing his neck, feeling his hardon rubbing against his own, that his nerves would be in check. Yet, his heart raced so fast it was hard to breathe.

It was bittersweet, that moment. Yamato wanted badly to resist him that night, but at the same time, he was glad he couldn’t. That talk he decided was important about their unconventional relationship would probably never happen, and he was ok with it. Yet, not quite the case. Hearing Kakashi say that he needed him, that he wanted to be with him, that they were together, each other’s lovers, that they were serious, was still something Yamato desperately wanted to hear, no matter how many times he told himself he was ok with leaving things as they were. So having his senpai that way, going back on his self-made rule, compromising his ideal for pleasure? What kind of man did that make him?

Kakashi moaned again. Yamato had given him a bite, maybe a little harder than intended.

“Sorry…,” he said and kissed over the mark he had just made, grinding a thigh between Kakashi’s legs to purposely draw another moan out of him.

His kisses followed the water that streamed down Kakashi’s chest. It was so much better to touch his senpai now that they weren’t cramped on a sofa, that they had space. This time around, Kakashi was completely naked and Yamato didn’t have to struggle with anything but the painful arousal between his legs, even if it was free to do what it pleased.

Yamato glanced up at Kakashi as his lips brushed over his nipple, allowing his tongue to play with it. Kakashi’s eyes closed, his head turned to the side to avoid the water, but his silver hair was already completely wet. It looked longer, almost down to his chin, and the face under it all — his senpai’s face, softened. Yamato would watch him like this for hours if he could. Stoic and reserved with most people, but not so much with Yamato. Kakashi was always nicer, touchy-feeler, more talkative with him. Others didn’t get to see this side — soft, sweet even. Yamato secretly liked that he got more of Kakashi than them, all the sides of him people in his life probably didn’t know existed.

He leaned in, closing his teeth around the nipple. It was gentle but enough for Kakashi to feel a pinch, enough for him to make those sounds Yamato enjoyed hearing. Kakashi buried his fingersinto Yamato’s hair, leaned back against the tiled wall as he continued to kiss his body. Down the middle of his chest, over the scar, past the navel. Yamato got lower and lower, until Kakashi tangled his finger around his strands.

“Are you sure?” He said, eyes barely open.

Maybe Kakashi underestimated how horny Yamato was after having ignored sex all his life, a physical connection he hardly thought necessary to have with another person. But after Kakashi started this thing they had, Yamato sometimes surprised himself at the lengths he was willing to go to get the other to melt under his touches. No part of that body he didn’t crave, and after Kakashi went down on him, now that he knew how it felt, Yamato desperately wanted to have his senpai’s knees buckling in pleasure because of him.

In spite of the discomfort of the tiled floor, Yamato got to his knees. He looked up at his senpai, the view even more intoxicating than before. Kakashi let go of his hair, traced Yamato’s jawline,hooked a finger under his chin and lifted. He ran a thumb along the length of Yamato’s lips, he parted them to lick it.

“You’ve never done this?”He said, sliding the thumb inside Yamato’s mouth, forcing him to open it wider, gliding the pad over his teeth.

It was strange, and he had no idea why Kakashi was doing that, but he could feel blood shooting to his crotch, his length getting even harder the more his senpai played with his tongue. The corner of his lip’s curved in a smile as he shook his head, taking hungrily the other fingerKakashi’s forced in. No, he never had someone’s dick in his mouth before, and that idea might had shocked him in the past, but now, kneeling in front of Kakashi’s arousal, licking his fingers, he had no problem in taking all of him.

“Be careful with your teeth.” Kakashi wrapped the other hand around his cock and held it to Yamato’s lips, letting go of his chin.

Yamato continued to smile as he poked out his tongue to lick his shaft and he held Kakashi’s wrists to stop him for touching himself. He had no business doing anything with his own dick, it was Yamato’s turn.

“Worried?” he said, taking the head inside his mouth.

Kakashi’s eyes narrowed further, he might as well had shut it, Yamato assumed the show he was putting was too much for his senpai to miss, even if he could barely see. He watched, he moaned — too quietly for Yamato to hear, but his parted lips gave him away.

“You’re bitey.”

Apparently he was, he did leave marks on his senpai before. They were still there too, lightly faded now, not really resembling bites at all, but they both knew what they were. It was Kakashi who had way sharper teeth though — if they were to compare — but maybe he had more experience in that area because he had no complains about the way his senpai did things to him.

As Yamato allowed Kakashi into his mouth, sucking him the deeper he took him, pressing for those quiet moans to grow louder, he realised he’d never considered how it would feel to be on that end. He thought a lot about how Kakashi would feel, how he would groan and lose himself because of how good he was, and Yamato would be able to watch him unveil. It was never about the one sucking,… oh, but he was so wrong. Even if the water washed their bodies, Yamato could taste him in his tongue, and the more he did, the more he wanted, the harder his own length got.

His hands traced the side of Kakashi’s legs, one held at the base of his cock — to suck him better — the other slid to the back of his knee, trailed up the thigh to grasp his rear. Groping it felt bolder than have his dick in his mouth somehow. His fast beating heart even froze for a split second. There were so many things he wished to do to that ass, perverted thoughts he never had before flooded his mind. It was difficult to hold back when he had access to all those new parts of Kakashi’s body he had never touched, but had wanted to for a while now, and even did in his mind, jerked off to those images he created. He tightened the grip on his cheek, pulling him closer, deeper down his throat. Kakashi moaned louder, leaning further against the wall as his knees almost gave out.

That’s what Yamato craved, to have control of his senpai’s body for a moment, so Kakashi could let go of all his overthinking, to forget the guilt he carried, so he understood that he had always had a place to lose himself, and that this place was Yamato. Somewhere he never needed to hide anything, especially not from himself.

“Tenzō…” Kakashi pleaded, as Yamato pulled back, only his lips ghosting over the head.

“Are you gonna come, Kakashi?” Yamato tease the slit with the tip of his tongue.

Kakashi thrusted towards his mouth without voicing an answer, but the meaning was implied. That tilted head, staring down at him as the water forced most of his silver hair to one side. Yamato could see past the strands to catch those dark narrow eyes, still trying so hard to remain open. His lips wet, slightly parted as droplets formed and streamed down his face, going around the scar, thespot on his chin. Yamato felt out of breath…Kakashi was so beautiful, so enticing, even if he was probably just trying not to lose total control of himself.

Those efforts were pointless though. The more Kakashi tried to hold onto something, the more Yamato would do what it took to have his senpai lose his grip. Eventually, he’d realise it himself and let go. Slowly, Yamato took him into his mouth again, slipping a couple of daring fingers between his cheeks, rubbing firmly at first, waiting for another one of those loud cries. But Kakashi simply closed his eyes, moved his hips and inhale deeply. 

That wasn’t enough then. Yamato slipped a finger inside him, then another. Kakashi tensed around them before he sank down, forced by his weakened knees. He placed a hand on Yamato’s shoulder as he sucked him faster, taking his deeper than he thought he could. He wanted his senpai to come in his mouth but Yamato himself was aching hard, he would be the one to come first if that continued, and he had other plans. He licked the length one last time before standing up, pulling his fingers off him.

“Kakashi,” Yamato said, going straight for his neck, licking him all the way to his ear, biting him as gentle as his urges allowed him, grinding his aching arousal against his senpai’s. He wanted him, he wanted so badly to be inside him. “Turn around.”

Kakashi opened his eyes and cupped his face, bringing for a desperate kiss. It was as if he wanted to taste himself in Yamato’s mouth, another gesture Yamato didn’t understand but aroused him even more. The water poured over them, but they didn’t care. They explored each other’s mouth, so thirsty for one another as if they had been apart for months. Kakashi buried his fingers into Yamato’s hair, while he slid his hands to his senpai’s ass again, groping tightly as they pressed there bodies together. 

“Turn around,” Yamato said again against his lips, ordered even, but Kakashi still didn’t. “Why are you being reluctant?” Yamato nibbled his chin and gave Kakashi no chance to reply as he slipped a digit inside him before he could utter a word. His lips parted but all that came out was a suppressed moan. “Let me…”

Yamato wasn’t exactly sure what he was about to do, an Kakashi knew and maybe worried. ButYamato reached for the small tube of lube next to his shampoo — he was sure of that. What could he say, though? He played with himself sometimes and there was no better and more discreet place to keep it than in the shower.

Kakashi looked at the lube in his hand. “How far ahead did you plan all this?”

“I didn’t, not really, but if we were in bed I would have to come all the way here to pick this up so...” He pressed a second finger in. “One last time,” before he lost his mind, “turn around, Kakashi.”

His senpai kissed him again, panting as he finally did as he was told. Yamato watched the water hitting the back of Kakashi’s neck and run down his spine to his rear. That pale skin, pink from the heat of the shower and their foreplay. He squirted some of the lube between Kakashi’s cheeks and let it run, easing the way for his fingers to slide in and out.

The urging moans coming from Kakashi were driving him crazy, his hardon dripping over his ass as he rubbed the head so close to where his fingers were. He looked down at his dick. Maybe his senpai could take him… but no matter if his fingers stretched him, he was so much bigger than that and all he could do was to be gentle if they were going any further. There was nothing he wanted more, Kakashi would have to tell him a clear _no_ to stop him now. He slathered his cock with lube, pulled his fingers out and spread his senpai, teasing the head against his hole before pushing inside him.

How to begin to express what that felt like? Yamato instantly regretted having ignored sex. Having dreams, being aroused, beating off, those were necessities, but not sex. Why?… Why didn’t anyone tell him the truth? It surprised him how some people were so into this that they talked about it and did it all the time. He even thought Kakashi-senpai a pervert for reading Jiraya-sama’s novels,… and the author himself was the worst, for sure. How could anyone in the right mind take time away from their duties to fuck? Well, now he understood. He would never know if the thoughts and feelings rushing through him were because of sex alone, or because the sex was with Kakashi. His body felt so good, wet, hot, so tight around him he had to grab him by the hips to go deeper.

Kakashi tried so hard not to groan as Yamato pressed in, muffling his noises in the arm he hadover his face against the wall. But Yamato didn’t care about holding anything back, he moaned and groan as the need for them came to his lips.

“Senpai,” He said, panting loudly. He was all inside him, just waiting for his senpai to be stretched enough so he could thrust. “I wanna hear you.” He wrapped his hands around his body, leaning over to kiss the back of his neck, biting and urging him to surrender.

It wasn’t easy. Yamato knew that even if Kakashi submitted to him, this was him not letting go, keeping control of his feelings like he always did. A lot of the doubt and insecurities Yamato had about this thing they had, this physical and emotional tension, this love that they couldn’t face,was mostly due to Kakashi clinging to the dark pit he lived in alone, where he might never reach. Yamato rolled his hips, holding tightly to his senpai until Kakashi stopped resisting and voiced just how lost he really was in the moment they were sharing. He arched his back, allowing Yamato to take him deeper as he reached between his legs to stroked himself. Yamato straightened up, dug into his hips and did just that, thrusted deep and fast.

The moment he thought he wouldn’t last, Kakashi beat him to it once again, tensing tightly around his cock, pushing away from the wall so he could hold himself as he came. Yamato watched the way his senpai’s knees trembled, his body weakened, his moans softened. It only took Kakashi a short while before picking himself up, as if he noticed the state he was in and needed to shield himself again.

The moans didn’t stop straight away. Yamato kept going, just as fast, just as deep, fingers sunk into Kakashi’s hips. A few more thrusts, just a little bit longer. It felt so good, why did it have to end? Maybe they could go again — so what if it was past midnight? It was their last night, Yamato wanted to spend it like that. But the better his senpai sounded, looked and felt in his hands, on his dick, the harder it became to hold back. He came,… inside him, no time to pull out, and neither did he want to. He slammed against him a few more times, breathing heavily. Kakashi too.

“You feel so good,” Yamato said, having the feeling he’d said that way too many times without noticing when he was shoving into him. He pressed kisses on Kakashi’s cheek. “Let’s go again.” Kakashi chuckled, his eyes closed. Yamato continued to kiss him, all the parts of his senpai’s face his lips could reach. “I’m serious.”

“I’m getting wrinkly, maybe not in the shower?”

“Mm…” Was it too much to want more? Kakashi was still panting, his body drained of energy, but he didn’t say no, so there was hope. “Lets get out, then.”

Kakashi turn around and Yamato almost pouted at not being inside him anymore. “You go first.” Kakashi brushed Yamato’s hair back with his fingers. Little things like that warmed his soul.

“You don’t wanna come with me?”

“I have come running down my thighs because you’re too eager. I need a moment.”

Yamato nipped down his own bottom lip with a sheepish smile. “There is a towel over there.” He pressed a soft lingering kiss on Kakashi’s lips, went under the shower one last time, washed himself quickly and stepped out — trying his best to be less greedy and giving Kakashi a few minutes on his own.

It was so late. To think he had been yawning non-stop earlier, but now his blood pumped and his heart still raced. He had tapped into energy sources he never knew he had.

* * *

Kakashi closed his eyes as the warm water hit his face.

 _Fuck._ He lost himself. He completely lost himself in Tenzō, his passion, his body. All those moans, begging to be taken, to be rescued. Did Tenzō see that? Did he wonder who that was? Because Kakashi didn’t recognise himself for most of it, and when he did, when he realised that was the person he wanted Tenzō to see, he felt so self-conscious.

He rubbed his face, ran fingers through the long strands. No matter how long he stayed under the shower, the rush going through him didn’t stop. With his knees still unsteady, he reached for the shampoo — he had washed his hair earlier that evening but he needed more time. Time for his heart to stop pounding so loudly, for his ass to stop throbbing.

Tenzō probably thought that Kakashi had an array of sexual experiences. Who could blame him after he went down on him so assertively the other night? He couldn’t be more wrong, though. Kakashi had never given himself to another man before, he never surrendered like that. Even with women, it was either in Kakashi’s terms or nothing. No sex would have ever felt like this, even if he had tried being someone’s bottom. The act only played a small part, it was Tenzō the one responsible for everything. Kakashi was still recovering from how he made him feel, and maybe he needed more than a shower, more than a night to understand what they had shared, this connection Kakashi had with no other human being.

When he left that bathroom he would have to face him. What was Tenzō thinking? What did he think of him now? And why not knowing those things scared him? If nothing changed, then what did it mean?

Kakashi sighed loudly and finished rinsing the shampoo off his hair. He hoped that by turning the cold water it would be enough of a shock to bring him back from the haze, so that’s what he did. A good ten seconds under freezing water. He took time to dry himself but paid little attention to his hair. Tenzō had no blowdryer, he found out that first night, so what different did it make anyway?

He wrapped the damp towel around his waist and looked at himself one last time in the mirror., turning the head to the side and inspecting his sore neck. “Hm, you really are bitey,” he said to himself and left.

The clothes that they dropped and kicked out of the way had already been picked up, the living room lights were off, the windows closed. He must have stayed in the shower for quite a while.

“Tenzō?”

“In the kitchen!”

There he was, in sweatpants, his damp hair brushed back. He turned to Kakashi and smiled as if he had just woken up from a full night of sleep where nothing remotely eventful had happened. Kakashi, on the other hand, yawned and hoped how he felt inside made him look no different than he ever done. With Tenzō, he had always been handsy but he fought the urge to wrap his arms around him.

“What are you doing?” Kakashi said, holding the towel to keep his hand busy and rested his chin on Tenzō's shoulder. Was it too much to want comfort, even now?

Tenzō side glanced at him — the warm smile stamped in his face — and gently bump his head on Kakashi’s. “Herbal tea. Want some?”

“Sure.” Kakashi leaned back on his head as another yawn came.

“Tired, uhm?”

Kakashi slow blinked. “You forget I didn’t really sleep yesterday.”

“Right.” Tenzō smiled widened. ”And here I thought you could keep going all night.”

“I’m sorry to disappoint.”

If he wasn’t so drained, if Tenzō's intensity didn’t demand so much of a Kakashi he wasn’t used to being, maybe having sex all night would’ve been nice, memories to fall back on when he needed him the most and he was elsewhere on his mission. The fault didn’t fall on Tenzō though, but Kakashi. He struggled, tried to hold back, despite wanting to be close to him, part of him. It was exhausting. Needing and wanting but still not allowing himself to have it. Of course he had nothing left in him.

“You never disappoint me, senpai.”

“I’m sure that isn’t true.”

Tenzō filled up the cups and turned around, holding one to Kakashi. “You frustrate me, infuriate me even at times, but you’ve never disappointed me.”

“Isn’t that the same.” He took the cup and stepped away from the cosiness of Tenzō's personal space, otherwise he would have laid on him, silently asking for those arms to hold him.

“You never done anything I thought you would never do.” Tenzō sipped his tea and tugged on Kakashi’s towel, pulling him closer. “It’s past 2am… but I’m so not sleepy.”

Kakashi smiled and whispered. “Are you implying something?”

“Just…” Tenzō chuckled, tugging the towel again, “making conversation.”

“Is that what this is?”

“You know, so we are not awkward after what happened.”

“I see.”

They were so close Kakashi had to turn his head to sip from his tea. The heat of Tenzō's body warmed his chest, and those fingers, tugged between the towel and Kakashi’s skin, teased him. He really wanted him again, Kakashi could see in the way he stared, mellow yet intense, telling him everything he needed without saying a word.

After a another sip or too, with Tenzō watching him, Kakashi reached around him and put the cup on the counter. That moment their faces got so close, a small turn and his lips would have touch the other’s. Or if he lingered, he would be resting against him. When Kakashi pulled his arm back, Tenzō touched the ends of his hair.

“I always liked seeing your hair down like this.”

“Hm.” He really hoped he wasn’t blushing. “When was that?”

“When we were younger. Long missions, we had to bathe in unconventional places. Your hair got messier the longer we were away from an inn. The mask would be off for longer sometimes… I got to see your face, but so rarely, even though we spent so much time together.”

“There were usually other people.”

“And?”

“It would’ve been different if we were alone.”

“You didn’t care if I saw you?”

“Never.”

It was Tenzō's face that got red then. He looked down the small gap between them. Did he understand what that meant? Did he pick up all those crumbles Kakashi dropped at his feet? Is that why he was blushing, why he had a nostalgic smile in his face.

“Senpai?” Tenzō put the tea cup behind him and brushed Kakashi’s hair back with his fingers. “I know you’re tired but… wanna go again?”

“You’ve just started, don’t be hasty.”

“Don’t you think I need to catch up with all the years I didn’t have this in my life.”

He tugged again on the towel, almost pulling it off him. Kakashi grabbed tightly with both hands. “Mm, sure…. But not in one night.”

Though, all they had was one night, that night, after that… who knew. Despite being difficult, Kakashi wanted to be taken to bed, to be made love to — that’s what it would be with Tenzō, he couldn’t classify what they had as _sex_ alone because it wasn’t. He had slept around enough to know the difference. His body and his mind were still so drained, how could he even try to do this again when it took so much of him. He pulled away from Tenzō, who pursed his lips.

“You can borrow the Icha Icha book and entertain yourself,” Kakashi said, half joking, and walked off towards the bedroom. “Where did you put my clothes.”

Tenzō took no time to follow behind him. “On the bed… but you don’t need them.”

“You have pants on.”

“But I was making tea, couldn’t have body parts waving about in the kitchen’

“So you’ll be taking them off?”

“In bed,… I thought so, yeah.”

“Hm.”

Kakashi dropped the towel as he walked into the bedroom and looked back over his shoulder to see Tenzō picking it up from the floor while keeping huge eyes on him. “Better?”

Tenzō inhaled deeply. “Don’t tease me, senpai. I’m a very sex-deprived very horny man. You can’t just go flaunting that perfect ass and expect me to just sleep it off or read a book.”

“I thought you like reading.” Kakashi knew,… he knew very well how horny Tenzō was and how much of a tease he was being. Exhausted or not, he couldn’t help it. “I’m going to sleep.”

“Last time you were in this bedroom telling me you just wanted to sleep…”

The hell with it. Kakashi sat in the middle of the bed, rested on his elbows and parted his legsslightly. Tenzō brightened up like a teenager, dropped his sweatpants and crawled up to him.

Fuck sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi with his damp hair, all warm from the shower, all tired and sleepy wanting to be hugged... who can resist?! I wanted to get that from Tenzō POV, so maybe he will be thinking back on it later XD
> 
> Kakashi struggling to express his feelings verbally knowing Tenzō wants to hear it, and Tenzō is trying so hard to be ok with the way Kakashi express those feelings... both hurting because they want to give what the other needs. It's sad but warms my heard too.


	11. A Few Hours to the Wedding: Acceptance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW WARNING: there are a couple of flashback paragraphs that have nsfw content.  
> \- • - • - • - • - * - • - • - • - • - 
> 
> Hullo~ Welcome to Iruka-infused chapter :D!! This is a shorter and slower chapter cos after the last one these guys are knackered XD! It was meant to be one longer chapter posted next weekend, but I decided to split. So instead of 12 chapters, it will now end at 13. :D
> 
> Chapter 12 will be published on Sunday :) 
> 
> Note: Thanks Zaf for helping me edit this <3<3

Sunlight streamed through the gaps in the blinds to hit his eyes. Kakashi flinched, forcing his head into the pillow. His body still numb under the sheets as he peeked through his lashes at the blankets he had kicked to the floor at one point. 

He moaned and yawned at the same time, reluctant to move, hoping he could just stay like that for a while longer. That was not how a ninja should wake up: in a stupor. He didn’t remember falling asleep either, and that was equally bad. He had his arms around Tenzō and then it was morning.

_Tenzō._ Kakashi inhaled deeply and held his breath. Would he be there, looking at him when he turned? Smiling — any smile would do. Tenzō had so many, and he could do with any of them right now. He knew before glancing over that the other side of the narrow bed was vacant. 

It was the last morning he would be waking up in that bedroom, and still he didn’t get that one thing he wished for — Tenzō next to him when he opened his eyes. But he was by himself again. Three nights in a row he slept there, Tenzō left before he woke every single morning. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be, and that realisation made his stomach churn. 

There had been many times in the past, during missions, when they woke up together and Tenzō's face was the first thing he saw,… and the faces of everyone else with them, always at the same time, always with an objective, so Kakashi didn’t consider those, even if sometimes Tenzō smiled at him. He wanted to be able to roll onto him, press his sleepy face against his skin, breathe that cedar wood scent unique to him.

That one day was Tenzō's day off. He had no excuses, nowhere to be, nothing to do. He should’ve been there so that Kakashi could add this memory to the extensive catalogue of all the things they shared. Kakashi reached for the pillow next to him without bothering to open his eyes and held it to his face. 

“Why didn’t you stay?” He whined into it, pressing the pillow further to get the scent of him that lingered.

The decision to get up in the morning was never easy, but it was always a little harder to get out of that particular bed.

The flat was empty as he expected, but Tenzō left everything on the kitchen counter for Kakashi to make himself a cup of coffee. Next to it was a scroll titled ‘Mission Report’ and a small wooden sign Tenzō probably conjured that morning. It read:

_You’d better be up by 9am. Have some coffee, take the map, the report and go to work. I have things that I must see to, so I’ll meet you at the wedding._

And a funny face he used for his substitution jutsu, just to be cute. Kakashi’s lips curved slightly, but the brief smile vanished as he turned to the mission report with a sigh. What mission was Tenzō talking about? Helping him with the security issues, making tables for the wedding? And how did he even find time and energy to write this? Kakashi couldn’t be bothered with it, not there, not now, no matter how cute Tenzō was.

He stood in the kitchen barefoot in his underwear, his body got colder as he watched the water heat up. 

_Fuck, I’m beat._

His thighs were tight, his back and arms sore when he tried to tense his muscles. His entire body ached, his ass throbbed. He wished he had considered the consequences before he consented to a second round… and a third. After all, he had a desk job and a long wedding ceremony to sit through. But the further they went, the more tired he got, and as his mind and body ran out of fuel, he stopped holding back, showing all the affection he couldn’t before. Tenzō took advantage of that. The evidence was his body, covered in bites, sore ones too. Next time he would get him back for these.

_Next time…_ Would there even be a next time, and if so, when? By then, he wouldn’t even remember that he wanted to return the marks because they wouldn’t be on him anymore. Kakashi lowered his head, staring at the bites on him as if they would fade at any minute. His ribs felt so strained that he took a deep breath just to make sure he still could.

As Hokage, he could change that, he could keep Tenzō in Konoha, have him back in the ANBU, make him captain, or keep him as Jōnin, a teacher. He was good with the team, he could do that again, even if all had been a secret mission, and watching Orochimaru was a secret mission. Tenzō's life had been a secret. Kakashi had the power to change this, but even if he joked about being the worst Hokage, what kind of leader used their position for personal gain? He would be no different from Danzō then. If Tenzō asked him, if he didn’t want to continue with the mission, then he would remove him. He decided it long ago, but Tenzō never did, and Kakashi doubted he ever would.

The water boiled for so long it almost completely evaporated. Kakashi brewed the coffee, took the scroll, the little sign, and got ready. 

He still had so much work to do before he saw Tenzō again. It was best if he pushed him out of his mind for the rest of the day. He could do that.

* * *

The tree house was in a better state than Yamato anticipated. Sure, there were leaves here and there, corners with sand that gathered over time, puddles from the rain the other day that still hadn’t dried, but he didn’t build a proper roof so he couldn’t fault Kakashi for that. His senpai had really looked after it, and despite the chilly breeze, seeing that place so carefully cared for warmed him inside.

To avoid getting his trousers wet, he sat at the edge of the chair, the same one he did six months ago, and looked at the rising sun. It was the same as that day, even the temperature, maybe colder but not by much. Back then, summer was ending and now spring hadn’t properly started, but even the feeling resembled that one. 

So much time had passed, and yet it felt like it all began four days ago. If Kakashi had asked him to stay that night, if the Hokage had made a selfish decision, where would their relationship be now? After everything, Yamato still didn’t know if what they had could even be called that. 

The last time he sat there was also the last time he cried. He had no idea why so many emotions suddenly overwhelmed him to that point. He wouldn’t this time around because he knew now what he found out then, that he loved Kakashi-senpai. His love for him went far beyond the words he blurted out on the spur of the moment a couple of nights ago. The way he said it, when he said it,… it confused even him. The love he spoke about that night was of a friend, a protector, and loyalty to the man who saved and gave meaning to his life. Kakashi didn’t understand that then… it wasn’t romantic love Yamato wanted to express, but in the end, he loved him that way too. 

The warmth of the sun soon washed over him and he shut his eyes. 

How could he leave Kakashi again? He just had him, touched him so intimately, got lost, drowned in his body. Even time slowed down last night so they could be together for longer. Kakashi let Yamato throw a rope down for him, but he wasn’t ready to climb out and meet him in the light just yet. They needed more time. Leaving him now was cruel,… it was so cruel.

Yamato stayed in the tree house for a little longer, waiting until the sun was too high for him to stare at it. He had things to do that morning and afternoon, he even left his senpai a note saying he would be busy. Kakashi would work most of the day too, but maybe he could stop by the Hokage’s office, just to see how he was. They had so much sex last night, and although Yamato did most of the physical work, it was his senpai who took all his excitement, over and over. The only time he let go of him was to go grab the lube in the bathroom after they rubbed against each other too much to stop there. 

After that, Yamato went down on him again, nibbled all over his inner thigh. Kakashi liked that. He held back no groans, grabbed his hair, wanting to be sucked deeper. Yamato made him come again, spread his legs further, thrusted inside him so many times. He came too and went again. Kakashi stopped clinging to the headboard and lazily wrapped his arms around Yamato’s neck until they were done. It only took his senpai seconds to fall asleep, rolling to drape an arm over his body. Yamato touched his chest, remembering that weight on him. It was still so vivid. 

Maybe seeing him that afternoon was a bad idea. What if Kakashi needed time just like he did in the shower? Yamato himself needed a break, time to accept that in a few hours he would look upon Kakashi-senpai’s face for the last time until… _Until?_

“I can do this,” he said to himself and turned to look at the other seat one last time before he left the place behind and went about his day.

There were so many things about such a celebration that Yamato had never considered and no one had bothered to tell him, knowing he didn’t have a regular upbringing, attended ceremonies like this, or heard about them from friends. Root members had no families, they had no attachments, and the ANBU weren’t much better either. His life had always been the mission, the village and orders, so trying to fit in and getting the couple a present was a task not suited to him. When he heard of the news, he decided to gift them with his services. With his kills, he could comfortably make something useful for their new home at their request. All he needed was a card stating just that and a  shūgi-bukuro.

He still had to find himself a suit, as he didn’t have one for a happy occasion. Who would have thought though, that wedding suits were not something you bought from a shop on the day of the wedding? He had to pay extra to a tailor to get it fitted right, they all seem purposely too small in one place and too big in another. Kakashi-senpai should have warned him.

_Kakashi-senpai…_

Only a few more hours to go and he would see him again, just to leave him right after. Like the excitement and uncertainty he felt that day he bumped into Sakura, this day was bittersweet. He would miss his senpai so much that the thought of them being apart almost made him sick to his stomach. Yamato gave himself to him, shared his love with him, and by doing so got to understand Kakashi a little better, a side he had ignored far too often. The gaps between the lines of what Kakashi said and did were wide, enough space for his feelings and emotions to hide and meanings to get lost. Yamato was so headstrong that he failed to see the clues his senpai left for him everywhere. It took Kakashi to point them out so they stopped going unnoticed. 

Even now that he knew how Kakashi conveyed his feelings, it didn’t prevent him from being blinded by the messy communication. He said one thing, acted in another, just to drop clues that contradicted everything else, expecting that Yamato to make sense of it all. It was so exhausting, frustrating and confusing. And now they’re about to part ways without talking. Although Yamato mulled over, told himself to just roll with whatever they had, it wasn’t enough to bring him any peace, to ease the ache in his chest, enough to stop him from going and Kakashi from letting him go.

When he woke up, he wrote on that blank scroll he left untouched the previous night. Before Kakashi showed up uninvited again, Yamato had no words, no inspiration to be funny, or to leave him inside jokes in a serious report. Knowing his senpai read everything he handed in, that he purposely looked for something more motivated him. It was difficult to come to terms with not seeing him for months, but Yamato wrote about the previous afternoon, talked about the design of tables and chairs, about going for a walk when someone broke in. It was detailed — or as Kakashi would say, he rambled — but nothing more than a report with a few jokes and dubious meanings only Kakashi would understand. 

His smile widened at the stupid things he wrote on the scroll, until he got heckled by the tailor, who shoved a pin in his elbow, dragging him from his daydream to the present.

“What did I tell you, young man? Put your arms up… up! Upper! There is nothing funny about this.”

Yamato apologised — even though he was the one who got physically abused — and he lifted his arms for the tailor to stick some pins under the sleeve. It only got worse after that. Sleeves, neck, back, crotch, leg length. He looked like a pincushion when the old lady was done. She said it would take her hours to fix it all, that Yamato should go eat because he was so skinny and that was the reason she had so much work to do. 

As much as he tried to keep his senpai away from his thoughts, he crept right back. All day long, even if he kept busy, talked to people, the moment he walked away, there Kakashi was again, taking over his mind. 

What was he doing now? Was he thinking of him? Was he thinking about last night?

* * *

  


The pacing had started long before Kakashi turned up at Iruka’s apartment that afternoon — he could tell by the undone hair, with loose strands framing his face and the hair-tie clinging to the end of the ponytail. He didn’t stop for Kakashi either, instead he seemed appreciative of the new set of ears to word-dump.

Kakashi had only intended to stop by to collect his suit and shoes that got sent there instead of the Academy — he had fallen asleep in his office when they came to deliver it the day before. Giving Iruka any pep talk or helping him with his wedding speech was not part of his schedule. The other looked like he’d just taught a five-hour class of Naruto multi shadow clones though, so as Hokage and fellow sensei of the groom, he stayed.

“It’s so big, it really is a huge wedding,” Iruka said for the third time now, if Kakashi counted right. “I have to stand there for a long time, and try to keep myself from…” He waved his hands over his face, gesturing tears streaming down. “It would be so inappropriate, Kakashi-san, but I might not be able to hold back.”

At least he called him by his name, after reverting to _Rokudaime-sama, Hokage-sama, Kakashi-sama,_ whenever he set off on a new panic babble. No doubt the sudden formality came from Shizune — they spent a lot of time together now, and her bad habits were clearly rubbing off on him. One day, Kakashi would stop asking either of them to call him like they’ve always had, and let those official titles take over his life. The role already did anyway.

“It would be.”

Iruka’s eyes widened, showing way too much white, as if his irides had shrunk. “You really think so? I don’t want to ruin their happy moment!”

“But…,” Kakashi said, resting his chin in his palm, “if you feel all that, maybe you should just run with it.”

Giving advice about expressing feelings? Tenzō was right to call him a hypocrite. Iruka quit marching and stared at Kakashi, who couldn’t hold the connection for more than a second before he turned his gaze towards the window. That was all the confirmation Kakashi allowed himself to give him. In the end, if Iruka cried, sobbed even, it showed how much he cared that Naruto had picked him to stand as his father. Maybe it was even a good thing that he shed tears, inappropriate or not, if happiness was so great that he couldn’t help but cry, then the right thing was to do just that.

Kakashi never cried for that reason. He did not know how it felt to be so overwhelmed with happiness that it became impossible to control his emotions. The only time he really cried was for Rin, and he did it a lot, for many years. But the tears he dropped were of guilt, despair. There was never a sadder moment in his life, one that haunted him for so long, not even when his father passed. Kakashi shut himself out, learned to numb and bottle up. It wasn’t until that day on the battlefield that he felt something again. Nothing had ever overwhelmed him with happiness, though.

_Tenzō…_

He shut his eyes briefly. Tenzō died right before the war, Kakashi thought back then. No matter how many times he told himself he was probably ok, deep down, he didn’t believe it. So many things happened that the time to accept never came. When his past came back to haunt him again, Kakashi was ready to die as well. Seeing Obito’s hate, evidence of his worthlessness, and with the one person he needed the most gone, that war would be his last, that battle his final fight. If he had been given a chance to stop and breathe, maybe he would’ve cried then, crushed by grief, heartbreak and the reassurance that suffering was his fate. But Naruto gave him value he didn’t deserve, helped him stand up and live. 

When the end came and Tenzō wasn’t there, he regretted having done so. Life without his kouhai made no sense. Sure, Kakashi had many people important to him, they mattered, but Tenzō was the one no other could replace. It only became clear then, that the light the other brought to his life was the brightest. Losing Tenzō could easily fill him with sorrow, shatter him further, and if Kakashi was capable of that, he could also be overwhelmed with happiness. If it ever happened, it would because of Tenzō.

He turned back to Iruka, who continued to talk — thankfully, because Kakashi’s mind was miles away now. His hand slid from the chin to touch the side of his neck, sending shivers down his spine. Tenzō's mouth had left its mark on that spot, the soreness persisting as if he was still biting his skin. Kakashi liked it a little too much. He pressed the palm firmer, his eyes closed again.

Tenzō crawled up between his legs, a hand planted next to Kakashi’s head once he laid on his back. The other hand traced the inside of his thigh, brushing ever so lightly all the way to his crotch, never touching his dick, despite the movements of Kakashi’s body. When did Tenzō become a tease? Knowing how and where to play those fingers to draw moans out of him he didn’t want to make. Kakashi jerked his hips, begging for their arousals to grind while Tenzō leaned down to sink his teeth into his shoulder, biting along his throat and neck. They weren’t gentle bites either. Tenzō got so excited he seemed to forget Kakashi wasn’t edible. Nothing bothered him about that though, he was used to pain, and that kind was quickly becoming very addictive. Kakashi allowed Tenzō's mouth to mark all over him, never denying him an inch of his body.

“… isn’t it, Kakashi-san?”

Tenzō nibbled down his chest and stomach, lips ghosted along Kakashi’s aching length, the tongue circled the head as he gazed at him with those insatiable eyes. _Tenzō, hm_ … 

“Kakashi-san?”

“Hm…” Kakashi opened his eyes. “Hm?” What did Iruka say again? “Sure.”

Iruka gave him a worried frown. “Looks like you could do with some sleep. You must have been really busy with everything.”

“A little.” If only Iruka knew, he wouldn’t be this concerned. 

“I’m so sorry, Kakashi-san… how are you feeling?”

“Me?” 

Kakashi read Icha Icha books in front of his genin team more than once, but he never felt like such a pervert like he just did.

“Yes, about this whole thing.” Iruka got close and pulled a chair to sit next to him. “I’ve been talking so much, I didn’t ask you how you are. I’m here for you if you need to ta—“ 

The other’s face suddenly changed to all hues of red before he turned away, holding out his open palm, stretched as if to shield his eyes from Kakashi.

“What… you,… why are you…” 

“Uh?”

He pointed at the chair Kakashi sat. “That!… That, Kakashi-san!”

It took a while but Iruka had finally lost his mind, pointing and stuttering, he thought, until he followed the line of the finger towards his middle to find a tent in his trousers. He didn’t want to, he _really_ didn’t want his face to warm up, but it did, so he continued to look down at a boner he wasn’t meant to be having in a place like that. It was his fault for daydreaming about Tenzō's mouth on him. No, this was Tenzō's fault. Taking over his mind, making him hard while in the presence of others. Of Iruka! 

“Just, hm, ignore it,” Kakashi said, not even wanting to touch it down it case it got worse.

“I can’t!… It’s pointing at me!” Iruka stood up and walked to the window, opening it wide and putting his head outside. “Put it away, please.”

“Any suggestions where?” Kakashi said, trying to make Iruka feel more embarrassed, so he looked fine in comparison.

“Kakashi-san!”

“Stop talking, it will go in a minute.”

Iruka looked back at him, brows twitched and gathered. “Why? Is it me? Did I say something inappropriate?”

“No.” 

“I mean, if you feel that way…”

“I don’t.”

“… and I gave the wrong impression—“

“Iruka-sensei.” The other looked into his eyes and only his eyes, gaze frozen, avoiding his tent. “Just, no.” 

“Oh… do you have a condition?”

“What?”

“A medical condition.”

“I don’t have a—” Kakashi took a deep breath. “Can we just go back to your speech?”

“We could, but are you going to be ok?”

“It’s not that exciting.”

“Not sure about that…” Iruka left the window and returned to the living room, muttering.

Even though Iruka had calmed down, Kakashi saw that the red in his face still lingered, and the warmth on his own was too slow to fade. He couldn’t even get his head around this predicament and now blaming Tenzō for it only made him think of him more. Kakashi, the 6th Hokage, getting a hardon for no apparent reason in front of a teacher on the day of their mutual student’s wedding. It didn’t get more awkward than this. 

Kakashi avoided thinking about the night before after that, kept his focus on Iruka and the speech he was still rewriting. From time to time, Tenzō would invade his mind and he had to force him out somehow, which ended up making Kakashi more talkative than normal. Iruka eventually asked him again, if he was ok, that he was there if Kakashi needed someone to talk to. 

It didn’t matter that it was the second time he heard it, Iruka’s question still surprised him, even though it shouldn’t — it was typical of him to worry. Kakashi took another deep breath and scratched the back of his head. “I don’t really have anything for you.” He was there for the suit and had been thinking of sex… what else could he say? That he was emotionally impaired, that he couldn’t find the words to keep the one person he wanted from leaving him?

“Really?” Iruka stared at him.

“I’m not a student, Iruka,” Kakashi said shortly.

“I know, I just…” Iruka fixed the loose strands behind his ears and looked down at the final version of the speech. “You probably think I’m being overprotective and all that, and just getting all worked up.”

_Definitely._ “Hm.”

“Sorry, I can’t help it. This wedding, and Naruto… and me…”

“Naruto means a lot to a lot of people, but to you most of all, so you can feel whatever you are feeling.”

“You’re always telling me I care too much.”

“You do. But he turned out alright, so I can’t completely fault you now, can I?”

Iruka chucked with very red cheeks. “Thanks Kakashi-san.”

Kakashi shook his head. “Just panic now so you won’t embarrass everyone later.” He patted him on the shoulder. 

Somehow, Iruka didn’t seem to need that last advice, but watching his flailing was at least distracting. They had a surprising conversation about Naruto’s upbringing. Of course, Iruka shared a lot and Kakashi added small things he remembered from when Naruto was young, when he couldn’t get anything right. He had no idea how bad he really was until Iruka shared his stories. Naruto was a grown man now, but still so young, to think of him as a married man was strange, especially for them and their generation.

Having a talk like this with someone else didn’t seem possible a day ago. Many times Kakashi thought about their generation not being a happy one, torn by too many wars, too much tragedy, but he never exactly voiced that. He wished that this wedding brought hope to people of all generations, his included. Whether his unwillingness to accomplish anything would mark his time as Hokage, at least the ninja under his command could find happiness. He said none of that to Iruka though, but they agreed, despite their differences.

Iruka finally decided he would get ready and handed Kakashi his suit, but in the end, he got dressed there at the other’s request. He convinced himself that Kakashi would be late otherwise, and this was too important; he wasn’t wrong. Besides, if he had gone home, in silence, by himself, his mind would go straight to Tenzō and his inability to express his feelings for him. He didn’t need that sort of stress on his shoulder. Not that Tenzō caused any of it, but he would leave after the ceremony and Kakashi had to be ready. He had to detach himself somehow.

“You’re really going to wear a mask to the wedding?” Iruka said as they stood in the living room. 

“It will draw more attention if I don’t.”

“Maybe not, you might be ok.”

“I might not be recognised.”

Iruka thought for a moment. “You’ve got a point.”

“Are you ready?”

Iruka nodded, short and fast nods. He was nervous again, but there was no time left to comfort him even if Kakashi was able to do so.


	12. The Wedding: The Farewell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! The wedding is finally here. I don't want to say much, but... bring grab your tissues. T^T
> 
> <3 The final chapter isn't complete yet and I would like to take sometime with it, cos you know... feels! I will do my best to post on Valentine's Day because it would be sweet... I make no promises, tho, so the next one will come between 14th and 20th.
> 
> Also, I post updates here https://matsukisama.tumblr.com/ if I think there will be a delay or something.
> 
> <3 Enjoy!
> 
> NOTE: Wanna thank Zaf for the amazing help in getting this done on time <3 Thanks thanks thanks !

It turned out to be an unusually warm afternoon for that time of year. The tepid gentle breeze swayed the branches of the cherry blossoms, the sun peeked through the leaves, forming moving patterns on the shadows underneath the trees. An unforgettable sight for an unforgettable event. 

Kakashi and Iruka arrived earlier than everyone else, save for the young students from the Academy the other had recruited to welcome guests, collect their contribution, direct them to their tables. Kakashi had never arrived early at anything, so that was a first. He had to talk to a couple of Jōnin and update them on the security plans, but apart from that, he watched as guests arrived. Villagers, classmates, family, Kage. 

_Tenzō,_ where was he?

Many people approached Kakashi for a quick informal chat, which was refreshing. After becoming Hokage many changed around him, became unnecessarily polite, so being treated just as himself was nostalgic at least, even if he didn’t care for small talk and zoned out every now and again. 

As the start of the wedding neared, Kakashi stood by the entrance and continued to observe the crowd as they formed small gatherings in the gaps between tables. Naruto’s generation was indeed a bizarre one. They held hands but not as friends, had arms around each other but not for support. It seemed like they were all dating someone with no worries or need to hide. Never would he admit being a little jealous of their freedom, their ability to express everything Kakashi never could at any stage of his life. He had never held someone’s hand like that, never stood next to another as a couple or showed he cared that way in public. How could he, being the person he was?

Soon he’d have to take part in the ceremony. He didn’t want to move from there until Tenzō arrived, though. Maybe he worried they would miss each other if he didn’t stand clear from everyone else. Tenzō wasn’t the type to be late, but now time was pressing and Kakashi kept telling himself that he wouldn’t suddenly leave the village, leave him, just like that.

A hand laid on his slumped shoulder. His heart skipped a beat at the feeling of the familiar touch. The weight of that touch said everything, he didn’t have to look.

“Have I finally become a bad influence,” Kakashi said, hands in his pockets, staring into the distance.

“Not today, but it’s bound to happen, eventually.”

Tenzō slid the hand down Kakashi’s back. The palm pulled away as it reached the end of his ribcage, his fingers followed, reluctant to lose contact. The little hairs at the nape of Kakashi’s neck stood on end and he held back the need for rolling it to keep the shudder from taking over. Tenzō crossed his arms and stood by his side, looking ahead, just like Kakashi was.

“You almost didn’t make it.”

“Well, you didn’t warn me I wouldn’t be able to just buy a wedding suit on the day.”

“Ah…,” Kakashi gave a little shrug, his lips curving slightly under the mask. “I was wondering if you’d turn up in funeral attire.” 

“That wouldn’t have been funny at all, Kakashi-senpai.” 

“I beg to differ.” Why did he enjoy teasing him so much? A man in his mid-thirties and yet he couldn’t help but being childish around him.

“And you’re still bullying me,” Tenzō said in a quiet but playful tone. “My clones tell me you found coverage for the lookouts.”

“Gaara had a couple of guards from the Sand entourage to spare.”

“How come you didn’t bring this up over dinner with them last night?”

All Kakashi thought during that dinner was the man now standing next to him. Topics came and went and not one of them stuck because he wanted to leave, go see Tenzō, ask for his help so maybe he would be able to tell him things. No exchanges at dinner were as important as that. 

“It didn’t cross my mind then. Iruka-sensei said something this morning and the idea came to me.”

Tenzō side glanced at him. “You spent the morning with Iruka-sensei, then?”

Kakashi turned his head, his heart raced as he tried to look like he hadn’t waited the entire day for the moment he could look at Tenzō’s face, hear his voice. “Most of the day.”

“I guess the fresh mind of someone who slept well works better than two hardly functioning ones.”

“I believe he hasn’t been sleeping either,” Kakashi said and leaned a little closer. Lack of sleep wasn’t as problematic as the constant reminder that they had so little time together. “Your clones—“

“Dispelled. Why?”

“So will you enjoy your time off? Have a drink.”

“You want me to drink?” 

“It’s not up to me,… but you should.”

Tenzō smiled and looked away, but Kakashi got to see it, finally. 

“What?” Kakashi said with a smile of his own.

“Trying to get truths out of me, senpai?” Tenzō glanced briefly at him and set off. He continued to peek over his shoulder back at Kakashi, urging him to follow, which he did. “The last time you suggested alcohol, I wasn’t even that drunk, and look what happened.”

Only two kisses happened, brief drunken kisses that cracked the emotional wall they both had built, allowing whatever hid behind it to leak through. All this turmoil inside him, the ache in his chest, the hurt and fear weighing on his mind because of something Kakashi did expecting no consequences. 

“Not how I remember it.”

“I’m surprised you remember anything.”

“I’m not sure what you mean.” Kakashi’s smiled widened and he followed Tenzō down the winding isles formed by the round tables built perfectly spaced on the field. “I was only slightly tipsy.’

“You were drooling on my shoulder, senpai.”

Kakashi chuckled and pressed to meet Tenzō's pace. He found the table with his name on it and pulled the chair to sit down. Kakashi did the same, pulling a chair away from the table to comfortably slouch and stretch his legs, crossing them.

Tenzō watched him for a moment. “I can only imagine what you would do now.” 

“You don’t need to imagine,” Kakashi said, turning away from Tenzō in favour of the girls taking photos of themselves because he could feel the mood inside him shift.

If he got Tenzō drunk, if he got himself drunk, maybe he could tell him those things, be selfish and irresponsible, and make him stay. This approach didn’t work last time, but with this other bond they formed, it could be different. Kakashi knew how Tenzō felt now, and he wasn’t in denial like before, whether he was capable of expressing in words or not. Maybe this time, one of them would be reckless, immature and self-centred enough to speak up.

“Senpai, you—“ 

“Yamato-san…”

Kakashi was about to turn his head to Tenzō, to listen to what he had to say when he saw Iruka standing by their table.

“I didn’t have the chance to thank you yesterday. You were such a big help. This place wouldn’t have looked this good without you,” Iruka said.

Tenzō smiled and shook his head. “Don’t mention it, I was happy to be useful.”

“You were way more than that. You really have my appreciation.” Iruka looked at Kakashi. “Kakashi-san, it’s time. Naruto and Hinata will soon come down.”

Kakashi uncrossed his legs and rested a hand on Tenzō's shoulder as he stood up. He wanted to touch his face, run his fingers through his soft brown hair, lean down and kiss him, then ask him why he left so early in the morning. What did he do that was so wrong he didn’t stay in bed with him? But all they did was gaze at each other. 

They already had such limited time, only a few hours left, Iruka made sure to shorten it.   


* * *

Before Kakashi pulled his hand away, the tip of one of his finger skimmed over Yamato’s neck. The top he had underneath the suit protected his skin, but the light touch still sent shivers down his spine. Kakashi-senpai… teasing him like that in public, right in front of Iruka-sensei. He watched as he walked off with his hair down, in a suit, with a smile under the mask too subtle for most people to notice. 

A gust of wind shook the weakened petals off the cherry blossom trees, adding another layer of faded-pink to the already covered ground, scattering over the tablecloths, sneaking into glasses, onto plates. Guests slowly took their seats — including those at Yamato’s table — and the many loud noises quieted down into murmurs. 

Everyone looked so ecstatic, it was almost contagious. If he didn’t know he had to leave soon, maybe he would have shared the feeling. Joyful moments like this, he hadn’t had enough of that in his life, but at the same time, his reality was so distant from this, he could hardly relate.

Sakura sat at his table, alone, watching — just like him — all the couples walking together to their tables, holding hands. The expression in her eyes was probably similar to his, and since he didn’t need comforting, he assumed she didn’t either. She did talk to him though, about the ceremony, the customs — many of which Yamato had no idea were even a thing — and how Hinata looked so pretty. Different from his senpai, Yamato could deal with small talk while looking vaguely engaged. 

By the time the ceremony had started, he had more information about Sakura’s projects and gossip about the couples amongst her generation that he could have possibly wanted. Gai-san also kept looking at him, so indiscreetly at one point that Yamato had to acknowledge him with a small bow. 

Naruto and Hinata walked along the middle of the field, down to the stage. Some people cried, others stared in awe, Sakura finally smiled, widely even, so did Shizune-san, who was also at the table holding the pig Yamato had seen so many times wandering around. 

Yamato continued to scan the faces of the guests, the bride and groom, Iruka and rested on Kakashi-senpai. What a surprise… he really just wanted to look at him all along. From that distance, his eyes seemed almost shut, happy even, hiding behind his hair. Yamato’s lips curved, for a moment at least, until he remembered. 

_Stop, you’re leaving._ He looked down, hating his mind for the constant reminder. Although he would be travelling alone to Orochimaru’s hideout that evening, he really needed that drink now, just to numb this pain in the middle of his chest rather than enjoy himself. How could he enjoy anything right now? If he stood up and left, if he didn’t say goodbye, would it be any easier? Last time, it was. Leaving Kakashi asleep was so much easier. There were no hopes, no disappointments if the other wasn’t conscious. Yamato needed that now. He needed Kakashi not to see him off.

The ceremony was a long one, and as daylight dropped, so did the temperature. The catering staff began to serve food and alcohol, people mingled. Yamato drank a couple of glasses before anyone could finish half of theirs, hoping that would soothe that ache, warm him a little.

He lost sight of Kakashi now that everyone stood from their seats and walked around, and thought best to do the same, if not for Gai-san approaching with a bottle of sake.

“Yamato!” He said, filling Yamato’s glass and another empty one that he brought with him. “Cheers!” 

They clinked their glasses and downed its content. Yamato was on his third already. He needed to keep count so as not to pull one of his drunk monologues.

“Isn’t youth a beautiful and powerful thing?” Gai said, filling up their glasses again. “You’re quite young, aren’t you?”

Yamato gestured with his head towards a group of people around Naruto’s age. “Not that young. I’m twenty-nine.”

“In your twenties still? Argh!” Gai shut his eyes for a moment before looking at him again. “Age is but a number, though, Yamato! I meant your burning spirit, heart and soul.”

“I’m not sure how to calculate that.” Yamato chuckled.

“It’s all about your feelings, desires, dreams and the will to accomplish them all. You always need this will to be youthful.”

“Sounds like you know a lot about that, Gai-san,” he said lightheartedly, but he had this prickly feeling Gai was digging for something.

“I know for a fact that Kakashi could do with more of it.”

“Kakashi-senpai?” He was definitely digging. 

Gai nodded. “He is a man of many feelings, desires and dreams, but he lacks the will sometimes.

“I see.”

“I need my eternal rival to be at his best at all times!”

Gai always expressed himself so lively, it was hard to know if he meant to say something important or was just trying to burn the excess energy. Yamato was used to him by now, but he still didn’t understand the man all that much. The other day, when Kakashi invaded his personal space in front of the Academy, he saw Gai staring at them with a confused or maybe suspicious look on his face. Did Kakashi tell him about them? The things they did? If so, when? They had spent so much time together the last few days, Kakashi wouldn’t have found a break to sit down with Gai and have that kind of conversation. There was the morning after they jerked each other off, or… maybe even this very morning.

If he did, then what was Gai trying to imply? And if Kakashi hadn’t told him a thing, then it was likely he somehow had figured it all out. 

Yamato stopped paying attention, brought back to the moment by a heavy hand on his shoulder.

“… counting on you, then!” He said and rolled off, joining Lee for a handstand display for no apparent reason.

_Counting on me?_ What the hell did he miss? Whatever it was, Yamato gave the impression that he agreed. Now he understood how Kakashi could have agreed to Iruka-sensei’s request without realising. Both of them should stop divagating in the middle of conversations. 

“Humph.” He smiled to himself and sipped from the glass that was still full. They really distracted one another way too much, way too often, possibly to unhealthy levels, if not at least unprofessional levels. Their uncertain situation could be the cause, or maybe they weren’t good for each other.

Yamato downed the rest of his drink, not wanting to think about any of that, and stood up, finally seeing Kakashi again, walking towards his table. A little longer, he had just a little longer with him, so he pressed to narrow the space between them. 

“So, now that Naruto is officially married, you will have a bit of extra time. Things might quiet down for you.”

Kakashi stopped by his side, half facing him, half the crowd, and nodded. “I’m likely to get back all the other things I delegated because of this wedding. I can’t win.”

“I’m sure you will find another someone to do them.”

“You know me too well.”

Yamato chuckled. “That is probably the only side of you _everyone_ knows, senpai. The one you should hide though, or at least be a little ashamed of.”

“People know me for being an avid reader too.”

“And considering what you read, maybe they shouldn’t either.”

Kakashi leaned in a little, the front of his shoulder pressed lightly against Yamato’s side. “How much have you drank?”

“About four glasses,” and they were making him quite relaxed. “Worried I might go off on a rant?” 

“I was hoping you would,” Kakashi smiled, but it was tight, as if his lips couldn’t find which direction to curve. “If those weren’t enough, I’ll get you another.”

Yamato shook his head. “I need to leave before sundown, senpai. If I drink more, I won’t be able to.”

“I’m getting you another drink.” 

Kakashi wrapped his fingers around the edge of Yamato’s sleeve and tugged on it, but didn’t let go. He kept pulling him by the arm towards another table where glasses hadn’t been used and a bottle of sake rested forgotten. He couldn’t tell if it was the alcohol or not, but his face warmed up and he hoped he just looked warm.

Getting drunk was a bad idea, and Yamato knew even before he allowed Gai to pour him some. Surely, it wasn’t just Kakashi who knew about his outbursts; he had bothered so many people in the past ever since he first got drunk as an ANBU. He was sure there were jokes about it too. Today wasn’t the end of a mission or a celebration for returning home alive. For everyone around them it was a wedding, but for the two of them, it was a farewell. 

That time in the tree house, and the many times before, his rambles were clearly the words of a frustrated kouhai who kept being pushed into responsibilities with very little recognition from Kakashi-senpai, who instead teased him, constantly, for years! But now, what would those words be? How upset was he, if at all… and if not that, then what? If he drank and said he loved him again, or talked about the night before and got a handsy? Yamato didn’t want to find out, but Kakashi was tugging gently at his suit, pulling him past the other guests without a care. He had no strength in his heart to deny his senpai this moment. 

“We haven’t had the chance to have a drink together this time,” Kakashi said, letting go of the sleeve to serve Yamato and himself.

“You were busy… I was working…” But Yamato drank a lot by himself over the last couple of days already.

“We’ll always be busy, Tenzō.” 

He handed Tenzō a glass and looked at him, but his eyes soon dropped, he blinked slowly, his brows twitched, trying to avoid a frown. Kakashi was wanted to tell him something again, and looking at his struggle was like a punch to the chest. If only they were alone, Yamato would have stepped in, wrapped his arms around him, try to feel with his body everything Kakashi couldn’t say with words. It was okay… it was ok not to say, he didn’t have to hurt so much.

“Let’s be like this more often,” Kakashi raised his glass and, without looking at him again, emptied it, filled another, emptied that one too. 

Yamato could hardly bring the first one to his lips as he watched his senpai, crushed that he could do nothing to help him. 

“You haven’t talked to Naruto and Hinata yet, have you?” Kakashi asked and put down the glass. 

“Not yet.”

“C’mon, you should. There will be a queue later.”

They didn’t have to wait for later to be in a queue. Everyone in that ceremony lined up to compliment them for the wedding, wish them health, love and all those things that, to Yamato, seemed so mechanical and formal. In a way, he liked it. On one side he had Kakashi, who smiled from time to time, but it faded fast, as if he remembered something else. In front of them, Tsunade-sama and Shizune chatted away, sometimes turning to them too.

Conversations came and went until they finally approached the bride and groom and as they talked, Kakashi’s demeanour changed, so did Yamato’s — he could take a breath again without his chest hurting. Standing there with the 5th and the 6th Hokage meant he got a lot more time with the couple than others and during their chat, he didn’t think about leaving. 

* * *

The lights around the field and the candles on the tables kept the wedding reception alive and lit. Naruto and Hinata had already changed into casual outfits. The more distant acquaintances scattered and only a few seats were still taken.

Kakashi took a deep breath, pulled a hand off his pocket and held out a fist.

“Janken pon!” 

The synchronised call trumped the loud voices of the younger crowd further off, closer to the stage — eating, drinking and talking away. Kakashi, Genma, Kurenai, Iruka and Shizune stood in a circle and threw their hands together in the middle. Kakashi went in with scissors, so did Shizune. The other three with paper. He was safe.

“Oi! C’mon! One Hokage runs off and the other is already out?” Genma put his hands in the air as if Kakashi had somehow cheated.

“It’s just skill,” Kakashi said, patted Genma on the shoulder and walked off, sighing quietly in relief.

If it hadn’t been for the alcohol, he would have never agreed to a Janken match with such high stakes. Like Tsunade-sama, he would have found a way of removing himself from the situation to ensure he remained at the cherry blossom field a while longer. But she carried a thirsty expression and an empty bottle of sake, while he still had a full glass of beer in his hand and no excuses he was willing to share with the group.

“Aiko desho!” 

The others continued with the match while Kakashi retired to one of the tables behind them. He sat on the edge, crossed his legs and looked across the field to the entrance that was now poorly lit, sipping from his beer — waiting. Gai’s wheelchair clanged and creaked as he wobbled towards him. He side glanced as the other opened his mouth to speak, but instead, hiccuped at him a couple of times and smiled, launching a hand at him. Even though Gai’s energy had halved due to the state he was in, Kakashi still had to react quickly and move his glass away from his friend’s reach.

“There there, you’ve had enough,” he said and downed what was left before Gai somehow stole it off him. “You’ll be going home soon.” As soon as the _rock paper scissors_ had provisioned them with a loser.

“Kakashiiiii!” Gai snatched him by the arm and tugged it vigorously. “I _know_ ,” he said in a drunken whisper, or at least he thought he was whispering. 

“About…?” 

“Abou—.” He hiccuped again. “About you and Yam—”. Another hiccup. “I approve, but… but as rivals and friends, no words shall ever pass these lips.” Gai was so drunk he could hardly find his face and poked his cheeks instead. “These… these lips.” He eventually found his own lips and pinched them shut. 

That confirmed his suspicion then. Kakashi had the feeling Gai had already figured out days ago, and maybe he needed someone else to know, even if all he did was to hint at it. After that night, with his feelings crawling through his skin from inside, if he found no solace in his daily life, he would at least have someone there who needed no explanation. Yet, Kakashi dismissed it, pretended he didn’t understand. 

He touched him on the arm. “Sure, whatever you say.”

“Ah! For fuck’s sake!” Genma suddenly exerted. Kakashi turned to the group, now only a couple remaining as Iruka smiled and left with Shizune.

A couple of more rounds and Genma called victory, or at least it seemed that way for him. He gave Kurenai a little bow and waved to the rest as he failed to walk away in a straight line.

“Well,” Kurenai said as she approached them, looking at Genma, as did Kakashi. “I don’t think he is in good enough shape to look after another drunk.” 

Genma tripped and picked himself up, looking back and waving again.

“I guess not,” Kakashi said.

“Is he going to be ok? Maybe it’s best if you help him out, Kakashi.” 

But he was tired, drank too fast, socialised too much. He put the empty glass down and pocketed his hands. Tenzō had stepped away to get changed, collect his things, he would soon be back and Kakashi had to be there. He had to stay where he was to look at him one last time.

“He’s fine,” he said. “Look at him go.”

Kurenai looked back and forth between Genma and Kakashi as the other tripped over his own foot. “Right. If you say so,” she said in a wary tone before taking Gai’s wheelchair. “Time to go, Gai.”

“Yosh!” Gai said, glanced at Kakashi then up at Kurenai as she rolled him off. “Putting me to bed as well?”

“You would like that, wouldn’t you?” She said humorously, drawing drunken laughs out of Gai.

Silence befell as Kakashi sat there alone. He shoved his hands in his pockets and rolled his shoulders forward, clenching his arms tightly to his sides for warmth. _Not long now..._ Not long before Tenzō came to say goodbye. But what the hell was he feeling? The more he tried to understand, the less he felt. Was it the alcohol or just him, trying his best to numb it all? The easy way out. Ignore it, reject it, be rational. Feelings were for other people — the young ones having fun over there, his friends who just left. He couldn’t afford to have them. He didn’t want to deal with this.

At a distance, close to the entrance to the field, Tenzō dropped his small bag and took a single step forward. Kakashi’s chest hitched as an icy wave went through his body, sobering him up. Was Tenzō going to make him walk all the way there? They could just wave… waving was enough. But the other didn’t move, he neither tried to approach nor leave. His head tilted and his lips curved up slightly. The pain in Kakashi’s throat made it difficult to swallow, but he did anyway, pushed himself from the table and dragged his feet to meet him. His blood pumped more frantically the closer he got to Tenzō.

It was time. It was time to watch him turn his back and vanish. 

“It looks nice here at night,” Tenzō said with a little smile Kakashi didn’t understand. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen it like this.”

Why was he making small talk, wasting time? 

“I might have to remove your work,” Kakashi said.

Tenzō frowned. “Work?… Oh, you mean the tables.” He smiled again. 

_Stop smiling, please._

“They weren’t meant to last. But…,” Tenzō said, looking past him. “They really are different, aren’t they?”

Kakashi peeked over his shoulder. Naruto was making a fool of himself just to make the others laugh, while tenderly touching Hinata’s hair. Ino had her head on Sai’s shoulder, Shikamaru and Temari, and Lee, slightly further away, talking closely to Tenten. 

“Maybe our generation can change too,” Tenzō said, sighing louder than he had intended because he stopped halfway through it and cleared his throat.

“We weren’t brought up like them. They grew up without war, but we…,” Kakashi looked at the small bag on the ground.

“I guess you’re right.” Tenzō said in a quieter tone after a moment of silence. “Give me your hand, senpai.”

Kakashi lifted his eyes. “What?”

Tenzō rummaged in his back pocket. “Show me your hand.”

Kakashi held his palm up and Tenzō dropped a set of keys into it.

“What’s this for?”

“The keys to my place, in case you want to sleep in and not be disturbed.” He smiled one more time, a brief forceful smile. “Your safe hideout.”

That control Kakashi tried to have over his feelings moments ago was gone. Staying in that apartment where they did all of those things, the shower where he gave himself to him, the bed with Tenzō’s scent all over the sheets. His heart raced even faster. “I…” He couldn’t do it. He stretched the hand towards Tenzō.

“Keep it, senpai…,” Tenzō said and picked up his bag. “Knowing you can go there if you want makes me happy.”

Kakashi looked at the keys, closed his hand and put it in his pocket. They stared at each other for a long time, close enough that they could touch one another with a stretch of an arm. But Kakashi did nothing, he watched as Tenzō’s smile faded, his stare detached, he gave up… at that moment, the chances he gave Kakashi had come to an end. 

“I’m going then.”

Not even Kakashi’s lips had the courage to part. Not an arm had the strength to grasp him, to hold him. Tenzō looked down, turned around, walked off and didn’t look back. But even if Tenzō had stared for another moment, for another hour, it was too late. Kakashi waited too long and now he just couldn’t do it. Once Tenzō disappeared at a distance, Kakashi closed his eyes. Throbbing chills took over his chest, his legs so weakened he needed a chair. He inhaled deeply and dropped his head back.

From the moment Kakashi kissed him for the first time he knew how it would end every single time they parted — he had so many fears and this ending was the least painful one. Kakashi wasn’t strong enough and Tenzō wanted him to be, he wanted him to talk, to ask, to beg, but he had given him everything he could have last night. He showed him everything, then why didn’t he ask him to stay? Why was he walking away?

“Don’t wait too long.”

“Tsunade-sama… when did you—“

“I was standing over there.” She pointed to where Shizune and Iruka stood — by a table with drinks and food. “You didn’t notice me coming, that’s not very good for a ninja of your calibre, Kakashi.”

“Hm.”

“Anyway, I’m older than you, so trust me, it’s not worth it.”

Kakashi looked at the point he last saw Tenzō. 

“Don’t make the same mistake I did,” she said, turning the same way. “Life is too short, Kakashi.”

The 5th knew it too. It seemed he hadn’t been good at hiding his feelings from anyone but himself and Tenzō. 

“Trust me, you won’t hurt any less if you just stand here. All you will get from this is regret.”

“You lost him, though,” Kakashi said, assuming she was talking about Jiraya-sama, and that was a very calculated assumption.

“We did, we all lost him, and I regret it every day. Don’t be that stupid, Kakashi. Why are you still standing here?”

“Self-preservation.”

Tsunade tutted and crossed her arms under her bosom. “I know you haven’t had someone to encourage you for a long time, but if Minato were here, he would tell you the same thing.”

_Minato-sensei_ … would he? Would he tell him to go after him? Would his dad say the same?

“Go.”

Kakashi turned to her. “What do I say?”

“I’m sure you know.”


	13. After the Wedding: Fucking Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
> 
> 💝 HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! 💝
> 
> ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
> 
> Welcome to the *intended* last chapter (for the 2nd time) of Soldier On Part 2. After writing another 2k words I realised that maybe this was the Valentine's Day chapter I was meant to post — the climax of this love story that doesn't want to end. More about this at the end note!
> 
> Thanks so much for reading, leaving comments and kudos 💖, they always make my day. Again, I wanna thank my most trusted alien-beta!Zaf [https://zaffre-amethyst.tumblr.com/] for helping me get this out so fast.
> 
> Warning: If you are weak when it comes to Kakashi's feelings, I recommend keeping tissues at hand.
> 
> Enjoy!

_“I’m sure you know…”_

Before the 5th left him alone, she briefly stroked his arm for comfort, but it did nothing for him. He continued to stare at the path ahead as the cherry blossom petals floated across his eyesight with the light breeze, looking pale-white now that sunlight faded. All he had to do was to take that first step, one step. No peaceful scenery could ease the internal fight between what he wanted and the fear that paralysed him.

If he took too long though, Tenzō would leave the village and the past four days, all they went through, would’ve been for nothing. Tenzō could travel fast, even disappear if he so wished, and after what Kakashi did — what he didn’t do — the other had no reason to assume that moments ago hadn’t been their last farewell.

Kakashi ran his fingers through his hair, and in his wedding suit, dashed down the path, charged through the streets, jumped from one roof to another, following the shortest possible route towards the village gates.

“Tenzō!” He called out and jumped from the security booth canopy to land by the entrance. “Tenzō…” he said one more time, straightening himself up.

He halted, turning his head slightly to the side, but his eyes didn’t shift. “Senpai.”

Those words he wanted to say, the ones Tsunade said he knew, where were they? If there was any time for them to come out, it was now. He had years of things to tell Tenzō, and considering the other was so done with it all that he couldn’t even face him, meant he’d better say something, anything. They had to be somewhere, in his mind, in his heart. Why was it so hard? He stepped past the gate and stopped before crossing into the other’s personal space.

“This…” Kakashi said and opened his hand, holding out the keys to Tenzō’s apartment.

Tenzō peeked over his shoulder and turned — only enough for Kakashi to see his side — and looked at the hand alone.

“I don’t think I can go in there,” Kakashi said.

“You don’t have to.”

“Why did you give them to me then?”

“I never liked that place, I prefer being outside,” Tenzō kept his eyes on the keys. “Besides, it was never really a home, not until now… and I can’t keep it with me. It’s too much.”

Kakashi’s heart pounded heavily in his chest, from the running, from standing there, wanting Tenzō to look at him, to acknowledge how difficult it was for him to be there, to come after him while looking for a way to turn everything he felt into sentences he never meant to speak. _Why won’t you understand me?_ He begged in his mind but Tenzō still didn’t seem interested. Kakashi’s brows drew closer. “And you think it’s not for me?”

Tenzō turned his gaze to the road ahead again. Did he want to leave? _Give me another chance._ That wasn’t what he wanted to say. He didn’t care about the keys, he only wanted Tenzō to stay. He needed a moment, he wasn’t ready yet.

“It’s late, I have to—”

“Don’t go.” 

“Why?”

“Because I’m an idiot.”

“You’re not selling it.”

“I need you here.”

He could hardly see Tenzō’s eyes. It was dark and he faced away from him on purpose. He pinched his brows, his eyes closed briefly. “But you can’t, isn’t that right, senpai? You can’t because the mission—“

“Stop saying that.”

“Saying what?”

“The mission,” Kakashi said, louder than he intended, “always this damn mission!”

Tenzō finally looked him in the eyes. He parted his lips as to speak, but instead he pursed them tightly and exhaled loudly through his nose.

Kakashi closed his fist around the keys, feeling the dents digging into his skin. Physical pain was so much easier than this. After so many years of being slashed by swords, stabbed with kunai and shuriken, tortured by genjutsu, a borrowed eye that drained him to his death — his body was so conditioned to pain that if chidori went through his chest right now, it would’ve been a relief compared to the torment of his feelings. 

“I need to say something so stop talking about it…” he put the keys into his pocket and looked back at Tenzō. “Don’t leave tonight.”

“What will one more night do? Tomorrow I leave and then what?”

“I don’t know what. I don’t care what.” Kakashi swallowed dry. All he knew was that if he stopped talking, Tenzō would walk away from him and he couldn’t follow. No matter how vulnerable and shaken, Kakashi was still the Hokage, he was still bound to the village. If Tenzō decided to leave, he had no other option but let him. “I can’t reason this, so I’m saying whatever pours out of my mouth now to keep you here until I find the right words so you’ll understand me.”

“Senpai…”

“I know you know how I feel and what I’m trying to say. I showed you everything yesterday, but you keep making me do this—“

“Me?” Tenzō looked at him finally, but the gap between his brows had narrowed even further. “As if I could make you do anything!”

“You are. You’re leaving and I’m waiting for you to tell me.”

“ _You_ are waiting?” Tenzō humphed through his nose. “I won’t keep bailing you out, senpai. Why is it my responsibility? I didn’t sign up for this.”

“Neither did I.”

“You did!” Tenzō’s eyes widened, as if the yell surprised him just as much as it did Kakashi. “You signed us both up when you kissed me six months ago! This is all your doing. I was fine! I was fine with the way things were. Now, I already have to deal with how _I_ feel, so take responsibility for it because I’m not going to. Just say what you came here to say, senpai, cos I have to go.”

Kakashi could feel the alcohol affecting his thoughts. It made no difference whether he was drunk or sober. If anything, it was worse. His feelings — this thing inside crushing him — battling this other self that told him he didn’t need this fight, he could walk away, just turn around and walk away from this. Tenzō had enough of him. He had finally had enough of his antics. Kakashi could go home, lock the door, read a book and be who he had always been: a pawn, used for the good of others. Too broken to be mended, to belong to anyone, to deserve anything. 

“I… Tenzō,” he said, looked down and closed his hand into a fist, but what he really wanted was to grab his chest, yank the feelings he had for Tenzō out from inside so he could show him, to prove to him that they were real. “I’m trying.” Those fucking words. “I’m really trying…”

“I know!” Tenzō said, the tension in his voice gave away his frustration, but he sighed heavily and his tone weakened. “I know…”

Just trying wasn’t enough though, was it? But they stood in silence and Tenzō stepped towards him — a small step, but it was a little closer to him now and a little further away from his mission. Maybe that meant he would wait, give him a bit more time. Kakashi’s fingers relaxed at the possibility that he would hear him, even if the words ended up scattered all over the gates of the village for Tenzō to put them together.

“I hide.” Kakashi tugged lightly on the mask. “This, I hide behind it. I don’t want people to see me, to ask me if I’m ok. Why I look upset, why I don’t smile. I don’t want them to care or to know me. It’s no one’s business what I’m thinking and how I’m feeling. None of it helps me with my job. I’m a soldier, that’s all I’ve ever been, and all I know how to be. I do the mission I’m assigned to to protect the village. Even now, being Hokage is just another mission. You understand that.” Those weren’t the words either, but if he was going to say it, he would say everything so he never had to do it again. “I don’t need a face because of what I am. And I’m trash, Tenzō. By the time I was thirteen, I had already lost everything, everyone because of that. People who cared for me, who trusted me, who I admired, they were all gone. I couldn’t even keep a promise. I thought for years I was so right, but I was just a shit person with skewed ideals. I abandoned my father, let my team die, fucked up as a teacher and couldn’t protect anyone in the end.” 

That shame Kakashi had bottled up for so many years, hidden behind layers upon layers of rules, responsibilities and a cool and cold demeanour that kept people away. It was free into the world now, and hearing those words out of his mouth brought no relief — they simply cut him deeper. He looked down, blinked a couple of times, trying to ease the strain in his lungs.

“Senpai.” 

Tenzō stepped closer, but Kakashi stretched an arm to keep him at a distance so he could speak. The other’s touch always soothed him, and if Kakashi felt that comfort, he would melt into those arms and never speak his mind.

“People around me die. They all do, eventually… for me, because of me. I was a coward and an idiot, and I’ve been trying to make up for it since, but I’m still scum. And then it was you… saving you was the only right decision I’ve ever made, and at the time I was being a good shinobi and thinking of the village, of me, the people I lost… not you. It wasn’t about you. You were a mokuton user, another tool for the Hokage and that was enough. If you had been there, I wouldn’t have lost so many people. So I saved you, not because I cared for you, but so you could save them. You were useful. Do you see?… Do you see now? That’s the kind of person I am, Tenzō.” Kakashi gazed at the other’s feet. They were too close now and still he wanted to step back. Now that Tenzō knew him for who he was, he had to reject him. “But I don’t know what went wrong. You kept looking at me, following me around, wanting to get close,… too close even. You crept in. I don’t know how, or why I let you in, it just… happened. It was senpai this and senpai that. I liked it. Having you around me all the time was fun. You were broken like me, but you saw everything so differently. I was always waiting for the day my life would end, while you just wanted to live and needed no excuse. I couldn’t resist you. Tagging along, boosting my ego, making me laugh and putting up with my shit.” _Fuck._ He felt so much for so long, he couldn’t even track when his feelings for him began. “Then you said you would die for me because you love me and I wanted to run. So, you stay away, so that never happens. I can’t lose you… not you.” The agony of being apart from him was nothing if the other option was Tenzō throwing his life away for his, forcing Kakashi to live without him when his own life was so worthless.

Tenzō’s feet shifted forward again.

“I’m not good at balancing my feelings. It’s usually all or nothing, and I gravitate towards nothing. The alternative scares me. So this… between us, it scares me… You scare me.”

“I don’t mean to—“

Kakashi shook his head. “Because of you I question what I deserve when I’d already decided I don’t deserve to live free from the past I’m responsible for.” He took a deep breath, his mouth now so dry that forming words got even harder. “See… I don’t like myself very much. The things I’ve done, my failures, my life… it’s just so full of regrets. I can’t take responsibility for this because I know I’ll fuck this up.” The hand he had stretched out sunk an inch or two. “But… I think what I’m trying to say is…,” he raised the hand again and touched Tenzō’s chest. “The person I am when I’m with you is not so bad. I never wanted to hide, not from you. Last night, every night I’m with you… every time… and all the stupid things I just said.” His finger tightened around the front pocket of Tenzō’s vest, his voice shaken by the intensity of the heartbeat he still wanted to control. “I only want you to know me, to see me, so... don’t leave me.”

Tenzō reached for Kakashi’s hand that stretched between them and held to it tightly, taking yet another step, forcing that gap between them to disappear.

“I see you.” Tenzō wrapped his arms around him. “I’ve always seen you, Kakashi.” 

That was it. Maybe Tenzō understood now, maybe it was enough. Kakashi yanked his mask down, desperate for air. It was like a fog had been lifted, he could finally breathe again. Tenzō held him so tightly, Kakashi didn’t have to bear his own weight, he simply rested against him, closed his eyes, nuzzled his neck. 

“I’m sorry, Tenzō,” Kakashi said, his voice muffled.

“Don’t be.”

“I failed you too.” There was still one thing, one more thing he needed to say. “Before the war, I’m so sorry I didn’t come for you. I…”

* * *

As if his heart hadn’t been drumming loudly in his chest already after everything Kakashi-senpai just said — deep thoughts that even Yamato would find hard to express about himself. All he needed was his senpai to say those last words: don’t leave me. _Me_ — the most important word out of the three. But as Kakashi said, it was all of nothing with him. That final apology wasn’t something Yamato had ever expected to hear though. He shut his eyes so tightly his head throbbed, his hands trembled.

He understood why what happened before the war was inevitable. For the same reason Yamato had to leave Kakashi behind now when all he wanted was to stay. The reason his senpai hurt so much just to put into words feelings he thought he didn’t deserve to have. Both of them were weapons, they knew no other life and accepted that fact a long time ago. Whenever they were needed, everything had to be put aside and that included each other. 

But no matter how rational it was, Yamato resented him for it nonetheless. In the grand scale of things, he had fewer responsibilities, less importance, so leaving him behind was logical when a war was about to break and Kakashi was a leader. Still, it had hurt him, every time he thought about it… it tore him. Kakashi abandoned him because he had no other choice, not because he wanted to, and the guilt was still there. His senpai didn’t have to voice it like that for Yamato to finally understand.

His hand traced Kakashi’s spine and fingers buried into his hair. “I forgive you.” 

Kakashi hunched his shoulders further, shifting even more of his weight into Yamato’s arms, who took no time to hold him firmer, happy to carry him if he had to. 

“I don’t deserve it… I don’t deserve you.”

“Maybe neither of us deserve any of this, Kakashi-senpai. This person you said you were, that’s the person I was and still am. We are who we are.” Tenzō leaned his head against Kakashi’s. “But I don’t care whether or not I deserve you. I want you, and no war or mission will ever change that.”

They didn’t speak for a while. Kakashi’s hands trailed over Yamato’s body, wrapping loosely around him, fingers clinging to his vest.

“Do you still want to go?” Kakashi said, now the one needing confirmation.

“I never want to go, I just have to.”

“Stay.”

“Senpai…”

“Stay.”

_The mission…_ “Make it official and I will.”

“You’re on leave from tomorrow, Hokage’s order.”

“For how long?” Tenzō pulled back but kept his arms around him. 

Their faces were so close. They still hadn’t kissed that day and after all this, Yamato just wanted to drown in him again. But if he stayed one night, two nights, leaving him would only get harder.

“Hm…,” Kakashi said, stared at his lips.“At least forever.”

Yamato smiled, choosing to ignore the impossibility of that ever happening. “Greedy… that goes on the list too. I knew I was missing a G.”

“Are you ditching the Grumpy then?” Kakashi said and inched closer, his lips ghosted over Yamato’s.

Kakashi was so alluring so fast, Yamato could never resist him and, this time, he wouldn’t try. He crooked his head so their mouths touched. “I haven’t decided which G is more you yet.” 

“How about… good-looking?” He took Yamato’s lip between his teeth, tugged gently before running his tongue over the bite and pressing in for a soft kiss.

The temperature had dropped at the same rate Yamato’s body’s raised. Being this close to Kakashi again made his mind go back to the night before, and being teased in the open without a care didn’t help. Was his senpai even aware of where they stood? Just a few metres down the road there were houses with lights still on and open shops, many which still had customers coming and going. Yamato had no intention of breaking the cosiness of their contact to look around, but if he remembered right, they had assigned at least two Jōnin to the gates the night before, and now they were hugging and kissing right under the threshold.

“You know this is a list of your flaws, right?” Yamato said, his voice muffled by the kiss.

“Oh, I thought you were listing things you liked about me,” Kakashi said. He pressed his lips firmer against Yamatos, slipping his tongue into his mouth, not giving Yamato a chance to correct him.

Instead of telling Kakashi to be mindful — he was the Hokage — Yamato allowed him to claim his mouth, parting his lips further to encourage their tongues to explore one another, deepening their kiss. A little kiss couldn’t hurt, right? Not them, not anymore. 

The day had been an emotional train-wreck, even for Yamato, who secretly prided himself in his ability to manage his feelings reasonably well for someone with a past like his. From the euphoria of the night before, all those sensations still felt through his body, the excitement of seeing his senpai again, to realising time was running out too fast, to the pain of saying goodbye and the loss of the last kiss they didn’t share. His heart grew and shrunk, raced and halted so many times throughout the wedding, it was tiring. Only minutes ago, he left the only thing that connected him to Konoha in the hands of the only reason he returned to it, not knowing how long it would be before he saw either of them again. He accepted this the moment he turned his back to the cherry blossom field and walked away. 

There were no tears, but only because he repressed them. He said he wouldn’t cry this time and he didn’t. But inside, it was a storm, one that finally ended with this kiss — outside, lazy and tasting of alcohol. It was the comfort he needed just as much as Kakashi did.

Yamato’s fingers left his senpai’s hair to rest on the nape of his neck. Kakashi’s body was even warmer than his own, he shuddered a little at the touch and broke the kiss once Yamato’s cool hand drifted to cup his face. 

“I might be a little drunk,” Kakashi said.

His intoxicated half-lidded eyes gazed up from Yamatos lips. It wasn’t just the alcohol, he couldn’t have articulated his feelings if he had drunk that much, but he looked spent, hunched even more than usual. Yamato ran a thumb over his senpai’s cheek before brushing some silver strands off to the side. “Do you need help getting home?”

“It would be irresponsible to let the Hokage walk around by himself in this state.”

“I agree.” Yamato smiled, wanting to kiss him again already. “I’m ANBU, I feel obligated to ensure your safety.”

“Aren’t you on leave?”

“From tomorrow.”

“I see.”

“You’re very good at seeing events ahead of time like that.”

“Even drunk?”

“Even drunk.”

Kakashi dropped his head back, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. All the pain they went through seemed so small now that they both said everything they needed to say for the time being. 

The wind changed direction and blew Kakashi’s hair off his face, exposing the side with the scar and the mark under his lips. It was the first time Yamato felt romantic love — maybe any form of love — so he couldn’t be objective about his senpai’s features. But, like Kakashi said it himself, he was good-looking, very much so. Despite the life he had, the injuries he withstood, Kakashi still looked soft under that light, tired and mildly drunk. 

Yamato’s eyes scanned every line of that face, ran fingers along his jawline, down his throat, pulling the mask a little lower to expose his neck. As he inched closer to sink his teeth into him, he saw the marks. Not one, not two… Yamato had indeed branded his senpai with a collection of bites. His fingertips traced them lightly, looking for an unmarked area large enough for his mouth to fit yet another. 

“Does it hurt?” Yamato said, brushing over the darker bruise on the curve of his neck, half hidden by the fabric of his top.

Kakashi parted his lips in a quiet gasp, bringing his head down to lazily look at him. “A little,” he said in a low tone, but to Yamato it sounded like a plea, begging him to go ahead and mark over it. 

“Senpai,” Yamato whispered, closing in to press a soft kiss under Kakashi’s jaw, his throat. “You should tell me when I hurt you.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to cause you any pain.” Yamato dragged his tongue along the bruises to soothe them, drawing a suppressed moan out of Kakashi. 

“Um… I don’t mind this pain.” He almost purred his words, the panting growing a little louder.

“Good,” Yamato said without thinking as his teeth grazed the side of Kakashi’s neck. Only that it wasn’t good, it wasn’t good at all. By now, he was aware of how the sounds his senpai made affected his body and they had to walk up the main street to get Kakashi back to his place.

“Isn’t it?” Kakashi knew that too, so he tilted his head to give Yamato more access to his skin. 

“Don’t tempt me.”

Kakashi’s lips hinted at a smirk. “If you prefer, I’ll do the biting this time.”

“This time?”

All the things that flashed in Yamato’s mind forced a nervous chuckle out of him. If only they weren’t in public, if he could be sure no one was looking, Yamato would have pushed him against the village walls and had him right there. They were the thoughts of someone with little experience, nothing more — sexual fantasies were just that. But Yamato liked the outdoors, loved Kakashi-senpai, loved sex with Kakashi-senpai, so he couldn’t help but combining them all, and since the intensity of his desires didn’t seem to bother his senpai all that much, Yamato didn’t need to suppress anything. He gave his neck a little nibble and stepped back, reached for the mask and pulled it over his senpai’s face. 

“I _really_ need to walk you home right now,” Yamato said and pursed his lips. “This is getting out of hand.”

“Am I turning you on?”

“Senpai…” 

Kakashi laughed. “Stay with me then.” 

Because Tsunade had assigned him to the Orochimaru mission long before Kakashi accepted to take her place as Hokage, Yamato never had the chance to see his senpai’s new house. He had walked past it a few times during his brief visits to Konoha, but had never been inside it. He knew his old apartment, when Kakashi was his ANBU captain, and then when he became a teacher he upgraded it but never really moved. It was understandable, especially to Yamato who had lived with Root and ANBU members for years, only getting that apartment of his when he became captain of Team Kakashi. They spent so much time on missions that wasting ryo for better housing seemed pointless. Now that his senpai had a role that kept him there, he really needed a decent place to live.

It wasn’t such a big deal, especially not after everything Kakashi said, but Yamato tried to hide his excitement at the invitation to stay the night. His senpai opened yet another door — gave him permission to know him a little more.

“Maybe, I don’t know how messy your place is.”

“Me neither. I’ve spent most of the last four days at yours,” Kakashi said, hand clinging to the rim of Yamato’s vest while the other fixed the mask over his face and brushed his hair to the side it was meant to be, defying the wind. “You are welcome to tidy up.”

“I’m positive I’ve declined that job offer once before.” Yamato walked forward, forcing Kakashi to take a step back and let go of him. 

“I didn’t have marks all over my body then, though.”

“Just because I can’t see mine, doesn’t mean I don’t have any.”

“You could request a thorough inspection,” Kakashi said, took another couple of steps back and turned around to walk by Yamato’s side. “The health of my subordinates is very important to me.”

They had teased each other since they were young. It was only Kakashi at first, since Yamato didn’t understand it. He hadn’t grown up in that kind of environment, so being picked on in the way his senpai did was completely new. He learned from him and the other ANBU, and was quite effective in his own way. Kakashi-senpai, though, was always so sharp, and since they started this, their innocent teasing — for the most part — changed, evolved into something they wouldn’t dare do in front of other people.

“If it’s free.”

“For you, it is.” 

Kakashi hid his hands in his pockets and bumped his arm against Yamato, as if he needed some kind of contact to get him through that walk. They crossed the bridge towards the main road, where people were still going about their evening business. Many waved, bowed, wished the Hokage a good night. Those villagers had no idea that the two of them were kissing just down the road, and now, as they smiled politely at them, were thinking about each other’s bodies, naked, warm and sweaty, rubbing against one another — at least, Yamato was thinking of that.

He picked up his pace, walking up the street increasingly fast so they could be alone with each other, so he could love Kakashi again, without doubts and nothing holding either of them back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is where I explain my reason for splitting this chapter, even tho I initially didn't want to. The feelings are out and the mood changed by the end of it, so to me, this was the right ending for the climax of the story, and one more chapter is needed for the ~~sex~~ resolution and their 'happily ever after' (if this is even possible for them). I could have had a 10K+ chapter again but there was nothing to gain from that.
> 
> Conclusion is... chapter 14 is a must. <3 :D. Good right? I hope so~


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